Hmm. Okay, a few quick comments.

First: Watch the grammar. Punctuation was within acceptible ranges, but
the spelling mistakes were numerous and glaring. Don't have a
spellchecker? Use a dictionary. If there are two people working on the
fic, at least one of you should be able to do something about it.

The flow of the story worked. The dialogue, while not grabbing, was
natural and unstrained.

Interesting choice for an immortal, and an interesting way to go about
doing it. Looks like I'm not the only one to blow up Kasumi's life. ;)

The cause of the explosion was a bit unclear. If this gets explained later
on, more power to you. If it was a Freak Accident, it needs more detail.

The description of the neighbors' reactions was rather strained and
artificial.

Interesting, if rather dark. On the one hand, I'd say that Kasumi is the
least suited of all the characters to be an immortal, and would be more
likely to sink into emotional paralysis than learn to survive in a world
where your head is a hot property. OOC ahead.

On the other hand, I'm not really one to talk. ;)

If it works, I'll be cool. If not, a worthy attempt. I look forward to it.

- Mike Loader
===/\=====+==================================================================
  /  \    l  "For, look you, there is humour in all things, and the truest
 / () \   l   philosophy is that which teaches us to find it and make the
/      \  l   most of it." - Jack Point, _The Yeomen of the Guard_
--------  l                    mike@thekeep.org
==========+==================================================================
Fnord.