This has all the makings of a good, dark story. I wish I had time to go
over every part, but finals are coming up for me, so I can't suggest all
that much.  I have an inkling of an idea that Nabiki and Ryoga will wind up
together, which will be very, very cool.  However, if you don't want to
make it all that obvious, I would suggest not having him really, really
notice her beauty yet, but rather thinking how fragile she looks compared
to the usual smug appearance she always puts on.

Anyway, looking forward to chapter 1.

============================================================================
/===\     LaShawn M. Taylor (shonnie@zeus.anet-chi.com) 
|^ ^|\    "Hey! Where's the cream filling?!" -Hostess cupcake commercial
 \v/\|    "Life is such unutterable hell, solely because it is sometimes
    |\    beautiful..." -T.H. White "The Troll"
    \|    "You come with steam of breath and caligula's head
	  To me so lonesome and longing and so unsatisfied
	  Even with all this beauty flooding deep into my eyes."
				-Poi Dog Pondering
============================================================================