Hi... I'd like some input on this series I'm working on... this is the
first of three sections.  One problem I'm facing is that I originally have
a seven part plan, but when I rewatched the series, to make things
consistent, I had to make some changes, and then, to make the plot move
faster, I made even more changes.  Now I'm stuck.  I'd really appreciate
some constructive critiques on style and plot...

Thanks.

Yours,

Kevin Shiue                      | Willpower cannot change Fate,
                                 | Fate cannot change Willpower.
http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~shiue | Therefore, we can only hope...
http://www.escaflowne.ml.org     | For the best, and smile.


Story Begins---

       The tarot cards still lay, face down, inert, on her desk.
Everything had returned to normal after that harrowing and wonderful
experience she had in the mythical world of Gaea.  After returning,
Hitomi had placed them in the upper middle part of the desk, no, a little
to the left, where they would never get in the way, yet, serve as a
reminder to herself of her new found confidence in self and trust in
others.  She knew that she would never again need the cards to guide her.
       School progressed normally, and like every other teenager, she had
dreams.  However, her dreams she knew for a fact could happen, and
indeed, she kept in her heart her promise to return to the lush greenery
that was Fanelia... to return to Van.  No, she knew herself that she was
not prepared for the commitment, that she still had a full life ahead of
her; yet, she yearned to see his face again, to be with him.  Once she
made up her mind, no one would be able to stop her, to stop her from
fulfilling her dream, fulfilling her dream of returning to Gaea, some day.
       It was just any other day, could have been any other day of the
week, as far as Hitomi was concerned.  She had finished her run at track,
and was returning home, tired, but in an upbeat mood.  Today was special,
though.  Yes, she thought, today is the day.  For it was the anniversary,
the third, in fact, of the fateful day she left and come back from Gaea,
transforming from a naive, dreaming girl to the mature, thoughtful woman
she was.  It had been that quick.
       Her cards still lay, face down, inert, on her desk.  Hitomi
entered her room, and feeling warm, opened a window.  Except for her
experience in Gaea, doing something as inconsequential as opening a
window had never affected so much.
       The cards blew across the table, and half scattered on the floor.
Only a few were face up.  As Hitomi neared and saw clearly what they
were, she gasped.  "It can't be, again," she whispered, afraid of what
may come, her inner self telling her it was indeed true.  The Tower, the
symbol of sudden, dramatic change, was face up.


---Return of Escaflowne, Part I---
---Return to Utopia            ---
---By Kevin Shiue (3/4/97)     ---

       Hitomi calmly picked up the tarot cards, and lay them where they
had laid before.  No, I am not scared, she thought, I am sure the change
will be for the better.  As she prepared to go to sleep, doubts gnawed at
her soul, as she took a shower, brushed her teeth, dried her hair...
activities that she did every night like clockwork, somehow, seemed
different.  Finally, Hitomi went to sleep.  But she couldn't.  In the
blackness of the moonless night, her heart was pounding.  Something was
different.  

	Because of her insomnia, she put on a light sweatshirt and pants,
and went outside.  As she stepped outside she noticed a dim mystical
light, and as she raised her head to see what it was, she collapsed in
fear.  In fear of the future, for Hitomi saw Gaea up in the night sky,
only shrouded by thin mist.
       "Why can I see it?" muttered Hitomi, to herself.  Its reflected
light shined through the atmosphere, a turquoise sphere dotted with white
clouds.  It wasn't supposed to be there, not visible, for it had been the
escape route of the Atlanteans, to escape the brutishness of Earth, to
escape to a hidden world, created by their own good thoughts.  Hitomi
gazed at Gaea, half longingly, half apprehensively, wondering if this was
perhaps a chance, or a summons to something terrible.
     For the first time in three years, Hitomi had a feeling of
indecision.  She wished she could see Van again, yet, how?  Perhaps it
was still possible for her to visit Gaea without the help of the pendant
she had given him, yet, did she truly want to abandon everything on
Earth?  As she delved into her heart, though, she realized that, yes, she
wanted to go back, and she wanted to stay there.  But, her mind told her,
"what of your friends here?  What of your mother?"  They would be
worried.  "I could always come back," she thought, and reassured, began
to dream of Gaea.
       Hitomi awoke.  "Had I fallen asleep outside?" she asked herself.
But, no, when she sat up and looked around, she was in the middle of a
grassy field, the grass as tall as her waist, dark yellow in color, the
color grass is when it dies, and in the distance there were trees, like
yet unlike those found on Earth, and Hitomi knew immediately her dream
had come true, and she was, in fact, sitting, no, now standing, on the
world called Gaea.
       The sun shone across the distant hills, with the glimmer of dawn.
The dew on the grass glittered like diamonds spread across the meadow
sprinkled with small white flowers.  Hitomi took in all of this, and
reveled in its beauty.
       "I'm lost," thought Hitomi, and indeed she was.  She knew, though,
the reason for being here.  So she began to concentrate, to concentrate
on the one person she had been the closest to, knowing she had divined
much here before, and began to move roughly in the direction her heart
told her.  As she walked, she began to think about the events the night
before, and her feet carried her, carried her into the forest, and
beyond.  The sun was now two thirds across the sky, peaking below bright
cotton-like clouds, and Hitomi was tired.  She hadn't eaten either.
"Van," she thought, "where are you?"  As she lay down to take a rest, a
glimmer of insight came to her.  Using her heart as her guide, she began
to walk, again, with renewed strength.  Her heart showed her the way, and
before dusk she arrived at a familiar yet unfamiliar city. It was
Fanelia, risen out of the ruins in the past years.
       It did not have the walls of yesterday, nor did it have the bustle
of the many people... though it was born again, many lives were lost,
scattered by the devastating attack by the Zaibach empire three years
back.  Hitomi walked around town, unsure of where to go next, when, from
the lack of food the entire day, fainted from hunger. 
       "It truly is you," said a warm, gentle, quiet voice.
       "Yes..." Hitomi opened her eyes slowly, and saw a dream.
       "I am truly glad you have come back, though..."
       Van stood over her, as she lay quietly.  The sun shone through the
window.  Merle was there also, and as soon as she could see Hitomi was all
right, she pounced her.
       "You're back," shrieked Merle, who was, perhaps, almost just as
glad as Van to see Hitomi return.  Hitomi was also happy, but when she
turned to Van, she saw sorrow and seriousness in his face.
       "What is it?" asked Hitomi.  But Van just closed his eyes, sighed
deeply, looked towards the floor, and shook his head with the
deliberateness of one with great responsibility.  Van spoke slowly, with
sadness in his voice.  "Escaflowne must be revived again..."







To be continued...