Legal Stuff: mad props go out to the people who own the rights to Ranma 1/2. I don’t. Please don’t sue
me.
**************************************
“Ranma, get out of my bed!” Akane’s voice echoes throughout the Nerima district of Tokyo,
resonating throughout the quiet setting, and doing a very effective job of waking those who had chosen to
sleep past four A. M. this Sunday. This was, unfortunately for the residents of Nerima, an all too common
occurrence. For the past year, the Tendo Dojo had been the scene of many early morning fights, late night
fights, and every in-between fight one could imagine. The shouting is usually taken with a grain of salt,
but today is different.
A new person has moved into the area, and this person is unaccustomed to early morning
disturbances. This person is also unwilling to accept the fact that he is awake at four A. M. on a Sunday
and no one is dead because of it. “I was the greatest fighter in the United States. No one could compare
to my power,” thought the sleepy man. “Japan will be no different! No one will insult me here! I shall be
a likable character, one without flaws of any kind! I will fall in love with Nabiki Tendo, continuing a
long, cliched string of fanfic writers writing themselves into their own stories! I will make Ranma and
Akane realize that they really do love each other! I will set up matches between all of the other
characters! No one can stop me! Hahahaha!”
Luckily for everyone concerned, Akane chooses this exact moment to give Ranma a precision
punt, landing him directly atop our breathing cliché. Thankfully, this causes our cliché to become one of
the non breathing variety. Ranma, thankful for the soft landing and not noticing exactly what gave him
that soft landing, jumps back through his entry point in the ceiling in the direction of the dojo.
“Okay. I hit Ranma a distance of two point three kilometers. Factoring in the wind, humidity,
temperature, and the crashing through ceilings constant, Ranma should be landing in about three seconds,
and he will be landing right about... here.” Akane moves the large tub of water to the indicated point with
a second to spare. Ranma lands exactly as expected, generating both a splash and a wet, female Ranma.
Nabiki, having been awakened earlier, has taken the opportunity to place Ranma deeper in debt
by standing by with a kettle full of warm water. Ranma nods, agreeing to the usual two thousand yen
charge in exchange for her manhood. A quick splash later, and Ranma is a man again. A man who is
two thousand more yen in debt, but a man nonetheless.
All of this is normal for the formerly sleepy section of Tokyo. Waking up early has become
routine; holes in the roofs have become expected. What is not is expected is a loud, feminine scream
originating from the Tendo Dojo. The populace is accustomed to screams coming from the dojo, but this
one is different. It is a scream of pure terror. It isn’t in the voice of any of the dojo’s usual inhabitants,
either; it is someone new.
At the dojo, everyone looks over at their unexpected visitor. Akane’s jaw drops. Kasumi can do
little more than say, “Oh, my.” Nabiki pauses, and then bolts up the stairs for her camera. Soun stares
into space and then begins to cry uncontrollably. Genma dives into the pond, changes into a panda, and
plays with a tire. Ranma looks at the visitor, says one word, and faints. That word is, “Mother.”
What seems to be an eternity passes as Nodoka Saotome attempts to piece together what has just
occurred. In an attempt to surprise her son and husband with a visit, she snuck into the Tendo Dojo early
on a Sunday morning. She had noticed that they had awakened early, which was good. Nodoka
thoroughly believes in getting an early start on the day. She had noticed her son and husband training
outside the dojo, which is good. Training in martial arts can only make her son more manly. She noticed
her husband throw her son through a window, which is good. Her son needs to know his weaknesses.
She heard Akane Tendo’s scream as Ranma flew through the roof, which was good. There are some
things that should wait until after marriage. She noticed Akane moving the tub of water after working out
some kind of formula, which is good. An education is important in this era. She watched in awe as
Ranma leapt, projecting himself at an extreme velocity towards the house, which was incredible. Ranma
is truly a man among men!
Nodoka noticed Ranma fall in the tub, and she cringed as Akane’s cousin Ranko leapt out,
wearing Ranma’s clothes, which was confusing. Ranma should not be able to do that. When Nabiki
poured the kettle of water on Ranko, Nodoka almost fainted. “How can Ranko become Ranma? How can
Ranma become Ranko? Are they the same person? What is going on here?” These thoughts were joined
with many others as she attempted to ascertain the situation. They all led to one possible conclusion.
“Ranma must have been raised wrong. My husband is responsible for this,” Nodoka thought as she spied
Genma Saotome bolting toward the pond.
Then, Nodoka almost went into shock. “After he had jumped into the water, Genma turned into
Ranko’s pet, Mr. Panda! Ranma has just fainted! Nabiki has run away! Soun is crying! Akane and
Kasumi are simply standing in place! I need answers, and I think there is only one way to get them.”
Nodoka’s mind raced as the possible explanations presented themselves, but she knew there was only one
possible reaction. Her katana slid noiselessly out of its sheath.
“Genma! Or do you prefer Mr. Panda!?! I want an explanation! Now!” Nodoka is glaring
directly into the eyes of the panda, which promptly decides to drop the tire and starts writing signs in a
hurried, sloppy style.
“Dear,” the first one reads, “please don’t kill me!” Flip. “I was just trying to make Ranma as
manly as I could!” Flip. “I didn’t know Chinese!” Flip. “It was a mistake! Honest!” Splash. The signs
stop as Akane looms over a wet, human Genma, who looks meekly at his wife.
“I think she would prefer you as a human, ‘Mr. Panda!’ ” Akane is currently a bright shade of
red, but this color change is definitely not one of embarrassment. It is one of pure, unadulterated rage
which has built up in her over the past year. Ranma’s father is responsible for Ranma’s curse, his
multiple fiancés, and he is the reason that Ranma cannot reveal himself to his mother. “Why did he make
that stupid promise in the first place? ‘Ranma will return from his training a man among men, or we will
both commit seppuku.’ That man can be denser than Ranma,” Akane thinks as Nodoka maneuvers the
blade to a more menacing position, just millimeters from Genma’s Adam’s apple. In response, Genma
takes a cue from his son and passes out.
“Humph. Coward. Akane, would you please tell me what has happened to my son and husband?
Why does Ranma turn into Ranko, and why does Ranko turn into Ranma? Why does Genma turn into a
panda? I want to know.” Nodoka’s voice is distinctly less threatening towards Akane, but there is
definitely an ominous overtone, telling the young woman that her explanation will decide whether her
fiancé will live or die.
“Mrs. Saotome, “ Akane begins, “have you ever heard about a place in China called Jusenkyo?
Well, Mr. Saotome took Ranma there for a training exercise...” The story Akane relates to Nodoka is a
detailed account of how Ranma and his father became cursed. It also explains how Ranma became
engaged to Akane, Ukyo, and Shampoo. “I am totally against this engagement, Mrs. Saotome. I think
Ranma is a complete jerk, and a pervert, also.” Akane adds this to her story. “One must make sure there
are no possible misconceptions about my nonexistent relationship with Ranma,” she assures herself.
“Akane, I don’t know why, but I believe you. Maybe it’s the look in your eyes; maybe I’m still in
shock over seeing my son turn into a girl, but I believe you. How could my son become a girl? Genma
was supposed to raise him as a man among men. Instead, Ranma has become even less of a man than
before my husband’s influence. What do I do? Do I force them to follow their promise and commit
seppuku? Do I ignore my honor? Akane, I need help. You seem to know Ranma better than anyone
here. Would you please tell me about him?” She stares at Akane hopefully.
Akane looks into the face of Nodoka Saotome and replies, “I don’t think I should be the one to
tell you about him.” Akane points to the unconscious mass of boy in Chinese clothes and says, “I think
you should speak with him yourself.” She sighs, thinking about what Ranma’s mother may do to him.
“Thank you Akane.” You have helped me more than you can imagine. I have a lot to think
about. First of all, Ranma is obviously not a ‘man among men.’ Also, there is the matter of the three
fiancés to consider. I do not wish to dishonor you, Ukyo, or Shampoo by allowing Ranma the opportunity
to escape all three engagements. Honor demands that I find a way to balance Genma’s promise and
Ranma’s engagements, but I really don’t know how.” With those words, Nodoka turns to see Ranma
waking up, and she turns to him. “Ranma,” she barks, “I would like to speak with you.” Noticing Genma
trying to sneak away, she presses the point of the katana against the bridge of his nose. “I haven’t
forgotten about you, Husband. I want you to come with Ranma and I. The Saotomes are going home.”
Soun Tendo freezes in place as recognition of this occurs. “The Saotomes are leaving! No more
bottomless pits to fill! No more holes in the roof! This is incredible! Genma is leaving! Ranma is
leaving!” Tears of unbridled joy replace those of unmatched sadness. The stream which he had
previously created suddenly overflows as a torrent of tears overtake it.
After virtually draining his body’s entire supply of water through his eyes, Soun’s brain kicks in
and examines the ramifications of the Saotomes leaving. “Okay,” it begins, “the food and repair bill will
be way down. That is a very good reason to cry the tears of joy. Nodoka is taking them back to their
house in order to determine whether they will be forced to commit seppuku. That is a very bad thing. If
Ranma does kill himself, Akane will not be able to marry him!” Soun’s brain reaches that fine point
where it isn’t sure if it should cry joyfully or sadly, so it simply shuts down, leaving him completely
motionless.
Meanwhile, Ranma is beginning to realize exactly what the situation is, and he decides to take
advantage of it. “Mother!” he cries out, wrapping his arms around her. “I’m so sorry Pop and I deceived
you for so long.”
Akane watches this, and a tear begins to form in her eye as she remembers her own mother.
“Ranma, you are so lucky. I would do anything to talk with my mother again. Please, Ranma, just say the
right things. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” When she realizes what just ran through her head,
Akane winces. “Do I really love him?” A nervous look takes over her face as Ranma is led out of the
yard be his mother, who is also dragging Genma by the back of his gi.
In a rare moment of sensitivity, Ranma actually notices the worried look on his fiancé’s face. In
an even rarer act of kindness, Ranma does his best to alleviate Akane’s apparent concerns. “Don’t worry,
Akane. I’ll see you later!” he cries out to her. He flashes a smile in her direction, hoping it looks a lot
more confident than he feels.
******
Nodoka drags Genma out to her car, with Ranma following closely behind. She calmly deposits
Genma in the back seat and motions for Ranma to sit next to her in the front. Ranma wordlessly
complies, closing the door as Nodoka turns the key. The car moves silently along the road, giving Ranma
the opportunity to summon the courage to speak with his mother. “Mom? What’s going to happen?”
“Ranma, I don’t know. I am going to have to give this a lot of thought. Your father has
obviously failed in making you a man among men, and you should commit seppuku based on this. There
are special circumstances, however, that may change this. Your engagements cannot be taken lightly.
There is a conflict of honor that has gone on for too long now. Family honor demands that it be resolved
today.” Nodoka stops speaking in order to concentrate on parallel parking. “Ranma, welcome home. I
am going to drop you off here in order for you to think about your situation. Genma and I will return to
the Tendo Dojo to pick up your belongings.” Nodoka drags Genma out of the car and leads her family
into her home.
Mrs. Saotome’s apartment is small, but it is kept immaculate. Ranma couldn’t help but marvel
at the sight of the living room. It is obviously smaller than the Tendo’s, but it is decorated to seem large.
The effect is nothing short of spectacular. The sofa, which is next to the door, faces a small television.
The room is well lit by an oversized window set in the far wall, adding to the effect. Off to the left of the
entrance is a door that obviously leads to the kitchen, from which a fragrant odor wafts, and there is a
table next to it. To the right is a hallway, towards which Ranma’s mother pulls him and his father, who
had previously regained consciousness.
The hallway is short, no more than five meters in length, and at the middle of the hallway are
two doors, one on either side. There is a third door at the end of the hall. Nodoka opens the door on the
left and indicates to Ranma that this room is his. The room, incredibly, is almost exactly what Ranma
always imagined his room to look like. The room is small, not much larger than the single bad and
minimal furniture. The walls are a sunny yellow, but the paint is obviously faded with age, giving the
room a cheery disposition and an aura of wisdom simultaneously. The furniture is Spartan; the only
pieces in the room are a bed, a dresser, a desk, and a chair. A cooling breeze enters the otherwise hot
room through a window set in the opposite wall.
“Ranma, the bathroom is through the door opposite your room. You should take a bath to relax
and think. Your father and I are going to the Tendo’s now,” Nodoka tells Ranma as she gathers Genma
and pulls him to the door.
Moping for a few minutes, Ranma’s mind begins to work. It is a unique experience for him, so
he tries to make the most of it. “This is the worst,” Ranma thinks to himself. “How could pop do this to
me? That idiot! I have no idea what’s going to happen to me now. Maybe I should just take a bath and
things will sort themselves out.” Ranma walks across the hall, noting the brighter colors outside his
room. “Wow. I usually don’t notice these things. Maybe I’m changing under the pressure. Maybe Mom
will know what’s happening. Oh, well...”
Ranma closes the door to the bathroom and begins preparing for his bath. He dumps the cold
water over his head and watches as his body changes before his eyes. “Geez. I’m never going to get used
to that. I may not have to worry about it for too much longer, though. Damn my life.” She prepares the
bath as she scrubs in the cold water, noting the differences between this body and her usual one. “This is
pretty weird,” she says aloud, “I’ve never really thought about my body before. Is it because I may be
without it soon? I took this thing for granted for so long and now its going to get me killed. Damn! By
the way, why am I talking to myself?”
The nearest wall suddenly accepts an impression of a girl’s head as Ranma slams into it in an
attempt to chastise herself. Brushing plaster dust out of her hair, Ranma climbs into the bath, causing
another change. “Guy. Girl. Guy. Girl. Guy. What am I becoming? I’m just some half man that’s
going to die because of some stupid curse his father gave him. Hell. Maybe I should take the opportunity
to run away.”
Ranma shudders at that thought. “No. I don’t want to be like Pop, and I don’t want to run from
Mom now. I am honorable.” Allowing the warm water to soothe his nerves, he reflects on what may
happen to him in a few days. “Mom said that I have to balance my obligations of seppuku and my fiancés.
These obligations are committing seppuku and marrying Akane, Ukyo, and Shampoo. Best case is that I
fulfill them all. To do that, I would have to be married three times and kill myself. That’s impossible.
Worst case is that I run away and satisfy none. That’s out of the question. Obviously I have to find some
middle ground. There is no middle ground! I just can’t get married to three people and commit seppuku
all at once. Ugh. Three of my four obligations are going to be left unfulfilled. Maybe Kuno is right, and
I am a dishonorable person.”
At the thought of Kuno being correct, Ranma punches himself in the face several times. “No,”
Ranma thinks while rubbing his aching jaw, “Kuno isn’t right. I am honorable. It’s Pop’s fault that I am
in this situation, so if I do the best that I can to solve it, I am doing the honorable thing. That brings me
back to my original dilemma: what is the best solution? I can’t concentrate right now. Maybe Mom can
help.” Ranma closes his eyes as he sinks his body further into the tub. The warm water soothes and
relaxes him, draining the energy from his body. Between the effects of the warm water, his closed eyes,
and the early hour, Ranma allows himself to fall asleep.
******
In her car, Nodoka is staring at the road, but it is obvious to Genma that her concentration is
elsewhere. His wife’s lips are moving on their own, as if working out some complex formula without the
aid of pencil and paper. Genma, however, realizes that he is one of the foci of Nodoka’s thoughts. As he
stares at the intense concentration on her face, a sudden look of complacency replaces the worried look he
has kept since Nodoka returned.
At a stop sign, Genma gets his wife’s attention and says, “Nodoka, I am sorry. Will you please
forgive me?”
Nodoka’s eyes harden and she presses down on the accelerator as hard as possible, jerking the
unprepared Genma’s head backwards. “Take that as a ‘no,’ husband. You have evaded me for almost
one full year now. You have brought shame to a once honorable name, and you have left it to me to
restore that honor. Believe it or not, I can accept this. What is unacceptable is what you did to Ranma.
You have kept him from his mother for over ten years! Do you understand what that means to him? Do
you? Ten years is more than half his life! Can you imagine growing up with your mother present less
than half of the time?”
Genma replies by looking down at his feet. As Nodoka’s car speeds along Nerima’s quiet side
streets, he begins to think about exactly what his situation is. “Wow. Nodoka is a lot angrier than I
thought she’d be. I knew that she would catch on to the curses eventually, but I always hoped that she
would ignore the promise. Damn. What can I do to survive through this?”
After allowing her husband a pause to think about what he has done to Ranma, Nodoka continues
lecturing Genma. “What are you thinking about now?” she asks rhetorically. Without giving him a
chance to respond, she says, “You’re probably thinking about how you are going to escape.”
Astounded at his wife’s accuracy, Genma can do nothing more than blink.
“Give up on that idea now. I am going to watch over you night and day until this mess you’ve
created is resolved. If it is ever resolved. Dammit Genma, how can you mess things up like this?”
Punctuating the word “this,” Nodoka slams on the breaks at the entrance to the Tendo Dojo.
Nodoka leaps out of the car, completely ignoring Genma’s attempt to get the door for her.
Grabbing him by the hand, she pulls him to the door and knocks. As she waits for a response, Nodoka
looks back at her husband. “Hasn’t changed a bit,” she observes. “At least his personality hasn’t. He’s
still just a confused man trying to make an impact on the world. Unfortunately, he’s given up on making
that impact directly and now Ranma is being used instead. Well, Genma, you’re influencing the world,
all right. Just not in the way you were trying.”
Nodoka turns her head back to the door as it opens. Kasumi’s face adopts a rare shocked
expression upon recognizing who the guests are. “Oh, hello. I wasn’t expecting you here today. Would
you like to come in?”
“We’re sorry to bother you like this. Please accept our apologies. We are here merely to pick up
Ranma’s and Genma’s belongings. Oh, and we’d also like to speak with your father, if that’s all right.”
Nodoka flashes a warm, yet obviously forced smile to Kasumi as the young woman bids them to enter.
Kasumi motions for the two to wait in the family room while she summons Soun. Moments
later, the patriarch of the Tendo clan enters the room with a solemn expression. Unfortunately for the
other two people in the room, he is unable to hold his composure and begins sobbing hysterically when
Nodoka makes eye contact with him. “Oh, Nodoka! Please don’t make Ranma commit seppuku! He has
to marry Akane and carry on the Tendo Dojo!”
“Soun,” Nodoka begins, not knowing what to do about the blubbering idiot who is dancing
around the room, “please calm down. I am not sure whether Ranma will commit seppuku or not. You
know that Ranma has four obligations which he must fulfill: marry Akane, marry Shampoo, marry Ukyo,
and commit seppuku. Obviously, he can only do one of these. I have to decide which one. I have but one
request for you. Please prepare Akane for the worst. If Ranma does commit seppuku, you and I both
know that she will be hurt, despite the front she puts up. Akane is a good person at heart, and I don’t
want that heart crushed.”
A light slap on the back of the head from Kasumi calms Soun down. After thinking about the
implications and possible ramifications of Nodoka’s words, he nods in agreement. “All right, Nodoka. I
will do whatever I can, and hopefully Kasumi will help, also. I have but one request for you as well,
Nodoka. I would like you to remember what you are doing to Akane when you make your decision.”
Soun Tendo folds his arms across his chest and stares directly into the eyes of his closest friend, a look of
accusation screaming louder than any words could.
Nodoka Saotome bows in agreement and exits the room to the Tendo’s guest quarters with
Genma in tow. They gather the two male Saotomes’ meager belongings quickly before any other
incidents have the opportunity to occur. The couple then climb into Mrs. Saotome’s car and speed back
towards her apartment.
******
Hearing noises from outside of the bath, Ranma instinctively shouts, “I’ll be out in a minute,
Akane! Just don’t come in!” Shouting forces Ranma to open his eyes and awake from the nap he had
been taking. After looking around for a few moments, he realizes that he is not in the Tendo’s bath, but
in his mother’s house. “They’re back already,” he mutters to himself. “I must have been asleep for a
while.”
Upon concluding that Ranma had been asleep in the tub during her errand, Mrs. Saotome decides
to move Ranma’s belongings into his room without unpacking them. “Heh. It's been ten years, and he
still falls asleep in the bath when he has a lot on his mind. It's amazing how little he’s changed. Damn.
Might as well get him ready to talk,” she says to no one in particular. Nodoka is obviously not looking
forward to the upcoming task, as her sagging jaw and downcast eyes attest.
After settling the single suitcase on the bed, Ranma’s mother walks across the hall and taps softly
on the door. “Ranma,” she speaks through the door, “I’ve moved your stuff into your room. Change in
there after you’re done. I’ll have breakfast ready for you, and we’ll discuss the situation then.” Turning
her head towards Genma, who is slowly unpacking his belongings, Nodoka begins to speak to herself
again. “It really has been a while since they’ve been here. Its going to be weird getting used to having
people living in my house again.”
Genma had obviously been listening on Nodoka’s short soliloquy, for his head immediately lifts
and he smiles at the implication of his wife getting used to living with Ranma and himself: they are going
to live! Ranma’s father drops the shirt he is holding and rushes towards his wife to celebrate.
Unfortunately for him, Nodoka has other ideas as she raises her hand, palm facing Genma with
fingers spread. Taking the cue from his wife, Mr. Saotome stops suddenly and nearly falls on his face.
Locking her gaze into Genma’s, Nodoka allows her husband to wilt under her stare as a form of
punishment. “Genma, don’t get too excited. I haven’t made any decisions yet. I only meant that I will
have to adjust to the two of you living here for the time being. Now go back to our... I mean my room and
finish packing.”
Genma winces at the harsh treatment offered by his wife and returns to unpacking, a forlorn look
on his face. Nodoka holds her expression until she is sure that her husband is completely occupied with
unpacking. Assured that he is not watching her, Nodoka relaxes her face and smiles sheepishly towards
the ground. “I still talk to myself,” she thinks to herself. “I always assumed that I would stop that silly
habit when Genma and Ranma came back. Oh, well. There’s another assumption thrown out the
window.” Mrs. Saotome shakes her head and walks slowly towards the kitchen to prepare breakfast for
her family.
******
Ranma climbs out of the bath reluctantly and begins to towel off. “I can’t stand the suspense. I
have to know what is going to happen to me! I don’t want to know what is happening to me! I just want
things to go back to the way they were, with the Tendos, my friends, the dojo, Akane... What will happen
to all of them if I commit seppuku? Well, I’ll find out soon enough.” Ranma wraps the towel around
himself and goes back to his room to change.
Surveying his new room, Ranma notices that his mother had left his belongings on his bed.
Looking through the pile, Ranma comes to the conclusion that he only owns four outfits, and all of them
are Chinese. He sighs and dons his usual red satin shirt with black pants. In an effort to delay the
inevitable, Ranma begins to move his belongings into the closet. Unfortunately for him, the tactic fails
miserably as his meager wardrobe offers only a brief pause.
Giving in to fate, Ranma’s unsteady hand opens the door, and he walks back trough the hallway
and into the family room. Noticing his father already seated, Ranma gives his father an angry glance and
sits down on the opposite side of the table. Genma, unable to ignore the look given to him by his only
son, looks down at the table in shame.
“So, Genma, you do realize what you did.” Nodoka’s voice still has a bitter edge to it, even
though she has been chastising her husband almost continuously since she became reunited with him.
She looks away from him towards her son, only to see him look back at her with a glance that matches the
look she had just given his father. “It must be a disappointment for Ranma. Genma and I have been apart
for ten years, and all we’ve doing all morning is fighting. Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do.”
Nodoka’s thoughts cause her to sigh audibly.
Staring at her son and studying his features, Nodoka can’t help but be pleased with the person
before her. “He is very handsome,” she thinks. “I’m sure that he will make some lucky woman a good...”
Her jaw clenches at this thought. “No. He won’t. My son is not a true man. I can only hope that his
shortcomings do not bring an excess of disgrace to the Saotome clan.”
Shaking her head, Nodoka notices that Ranma’s and Genma’s attentions had been diverted from
each other to the tray she is holding. Smiling, she thinks about what hasn’t changed about them as she
serves them their breakfast.
The two male Saotomes begin eating almost immediately after the food touches the table.
Nodoka, unaccustomed to such a display, is barely able to secure two mouthfuls for herself before all of
the food is consumed. Shocked at the display of sheer barbarism put on by her son and husband, she
slams her fist on the table to get their attention. This action creates the desired effect as Genma and
Ranma stare at her with wide eyes.
Giving each of them a dirty look, Nodoka says to the both of them with biting sarcasm, “Ah, I see
that I now have your attention. How fortuitous.” Adopting a more serious look, she continues. “Genma,
you know how I feel about the agreement that we made before you left to train Ranma, and you know that
you have failed, and that you should both be forced to commit seppuku, and I would not hesitate to behead
either of you if I thought you would not honor the agreement. Unfortunately, Genma, Ranma is currently
engaged to no less than three women because of either your foolishness or your greed! What we are about
to discuss will have a profound effect on all three of them. Therefore, I believe they all deserve to be
involved in the decision. Ranma, I’d like you to call all three of your fiancés and invite them here for
lunch. Don’t hold back any information and make sure they know exactly what is involved here.”
“Yes, Mother.” Ranma stands slowly, almost lethargically, and goes over to the phone. “Who do
I call first? I guess I’ll do the easy one first,” he thinks as he dials the number of Ukyo’s apartment. After
the phone rings six times, he replaces the receiver and curses under his breath. “Oh, well. I guess she’s
taking care of something at her restaurant.” His hand trembling, Ranma again lifts the receiver and
begins dialing the number for Ucchan’s. “How am I going to break this to her? She is probably my
greatest friend, and this would hurt her tremendously. Mom’s right, though. She deserves to know.”
Ranma’s hand is shaking violently now, so much so that he is forced to brace it with his other hand. After
finally dialing the last number, Ranma tenses himself for the upcoming conversation. After the third ring,
Ukyo picks up.
“Hello! Ucchan’s! Sorry, but I don’t open up until noon.” Ukyo’s greeting is unusually cheerful
for someone who is working at seven A. M. on a Sunday morning, but she sobers immediately as Ranma
relates the morning’s events to her.
After hearing the entire story, Ukyo takes a deep breath and starts asking questions. “Ranma, no!
You can’t commit seppuku! Why can’t you just run away?”
“I’m tired of running. I want this whole situation resolved now.”
“If you get married, you won’t have to commit seppuku, right?”
“I think so.”
“Well, then there’s really no problem! You just have to get married to me!” Ukyo screams
happily into the phone. “Just give me directions and I’ll be right there!”
“Okay,” Ranma replies with far less enthusiasm. He gives Ukyo directions to his mother’s house
in a dull monotone, tells Ukyo that he’ll see her later, hangs up the phone, and falls forward, so that he is
leaning on his head against the wall. “Great. Just what I need. If Ukyo’s going to take this opportunity
to force her to marry me, who knows what Shampoo is going to do? Damn.”
Lifting himself off the wall, Ranma braces himself for the upcoming trial with the Chinese
Amazon. Dialing the number of Shampoo’s residence, he grits his teeth and waits for a response.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Mousse, it’s Ranma. May I speak with Shampoo?”
“Saotome! Why do you want to speak with my beloved... Ack!” Mousse is abruptly cut off as a
loud crash sounds through the phone. Apparently, Shampoo noticed Mousse speaking on the phone and
figured out with whom he was speaking.
“Hello, Ranma! Why you call Shampoo? You want take Shampoo to date?”
“No, Shampoo. This is serious. Please listen to me.” Ranma relates the mornings events to
Shampoo, his voice wavering slightly as he invites her to his mother’s house. Wisely, he opts to leave out
any details that may imply that getting married may allow him to avoid seppuku.
“Aiyaa! Is serious! Ranma must marry Shampoo, not commit seppuku! Where is Mother-in-
law’s house?”
Ranma gives the Amazon the directions requested in a dull monotone, and he then replaces the
receiver without saying good bye. “Why did I ever get caught up in the whole Amazon marriage law
thing, anyway? Shampoo’s more of a curse than Jusyenkyo! If she wasn’t so pushy, maybe we could be
friends, but I don’t think that I could ever love her. Why does she love me? It’s probably because I’m
polite to her. If she knew the way I really felt, all three Amazons would probably just leave me alone!”
Ranma smiles to himself, grateful that no one had witnessed his phone conversations or his
expressions afterward, as he had opted to use the phone in his mother’s room, keeping the door shut.
“Now for the tough one,” he thinks, a pained expression etching the boy’s features. Lifting the receiver
from its cradle for what may be the final time, he sighs deeply and dials the all to familiar number to the
Tendo Dojo.
After the two most emotionally draining rings he had ever heard in his entire life, Ranma gets a
response. “Hello, Tendo residence. Nabiki speaking.”
“Hi, Nabiki. It’s Ranma. May I speak with Akane?”
******
At the once lively Tendo Dojo, life has reached a virtual standstill over the morning’s events.
Nabiki is sulking over the fact that she was unable to get any pictures of what transpired earlier. Soun is
lying on his futon, staring at the ceiling. Kasumi seems unable to prepare breakfast because of the
emotional stress placed on her family. Unsure about what to do instead, she just sits by the pond, staring
at the fish. The only activity going on in the house is on the second floor, where the youngest Tendo is
pacing back and forth through the hall.
Akane’s head is lowered, as if she is staring at the floor, but the are obviously not focused, giving
the impression that she has been pacing for a long time. “Dammit, why won’t anything happen?” she
questions to no one in particular.
As if in response to Akane’s question, the phone rings, causing her to leap into the air.
Momentarily stunned, the second ring returns her to her senses, and Akane rushes down the stairs and
towards the dining area, where the phone is located. Hoping beyond all logic that it is Ranma on the
other end, Akane is crushed when the ringing stops. Stifling her tears, the logical part of Akane’s mind
takes over and reasons that Ranma wouldn’t want to talk to anyone until the whole promise thing is
resolved.
Leaning into the hallway from the dining area, Nabiki studies her younger sister. The puffy, red
eyes and the introspective look give away the fact that she is upset. The only times Akane ever applied
her brain to life’s problems were when she was too depressed to use physical violence. “She must actually
like Ranma,” Nabiki thinks to herself. Not wanting to cause her sister any more pain through waiting,
Nabiki shouts, “Akane! The phone’s for you! It’s Ranma!”
Immediately shedding her depressed mask, the youngest Tendo darts past Nabiki, grabbing the
phone along the way. Nabiki smiles and walks up the stairs to her room. There, using countless hours of
practice, she lifts the receiver of her private phone noiselessly and sets the attached recorder to record the
conversation. “This will be very valuable to a few people I can think of. Lets see... Ukyo will definitely
want a copy. She’s got some money stashed away, so I can get ten thousand from everyone’s favorite
okonomiyaki chef. Shampoo’s as broke as a table over Ranma’s head, but she is attractive. I’ll bet I can
make her pose for a few shots. Even at five hundred yen a shot, I’m looking at another eight thousand,
net, from her. And, of course, there’s my favorite upper classman. Kuno’s loaded and stupid. That
combination will put fifteen thousand in my hand!” The thoughts of the gratuitous amounts money take
their effect on Nabiki as she starts to dance about the room, an euphoric look adorning her face.
Unfortunately, she kicks the plug to the recorder out of its wall socket. The recorder emits a pathetic hiss
and dies as Nabiki starts doing the Macarena.
In the dining area of the Tendo dojo, an oblivious Akane sits near the table with a view of the
lush courtyard just after sunrise. The glistening of the dew and the soft sounds made by the carp are
serving to create a scene that can only be described as tranquil. Anyone taking the time to notice the area
would find themselves at peace.
Akane completely ignores the courtyard as she lifts the receiver to her ear and begins to scream.
“Ranma, you jerk! Why did you let you get yourself caught by your mother? Why didn’t you just come
clean when she came back in the first place? Idiot! The next time...”
Cutting off his irate fiancé, Ranma begins the speech which he had given Ukyo just a few
minutes ago. His curt tone leaves Akane speechless in wake of the explanation, so Ranma takes the
opportunity to continue. “Akane, do you understand what this means? I am probably going to have to
marry you. Very soon. Uh, is this okay with you?”
Akane’s face immediately loses all readable expressions as Ranma’s words set in. “He’s just
asked me if getting married is okay. I don’t believe it. Is it? I don’t know.” Gathering these thoughts,
Akane steels herself and prepares to give her response. “Ranma,” she tells him, “I need time to think
about this.”
“Akane, there’s no time. Mom is going to figure out how to best satisfy Saotome honor today. I
need your answer now.”
“Ranma! How can you expect me to give you an answer now! You jerk! You can get yourself
killed for all I care!” The next thing Ranma hears is the crash of the receiver against the cradle; he
completely misses the fact that Akane had begun crying as she spoke the last few words.
Saddened, Ranma lightly replaces the phone and gives his mother the results of his three phone
calls. Nodoka smiles as Ranma tells her that Ukyo and Shampoo will be arriving shortly and that both
know the basic information. When Ranma tries to tell his mother about his problems with Akane,
Nodoka simply nods her head, as if she expected such a response.
Motioning Ranma away from the phone, Nodoka picks it up and hands it to him. “Dial the
number for the Tendo’s, would you please? I’m going to straighten this out.”
Wordlessly, Ranma complies. After the phone rings once, he returns it to his mother. “Thank
you, dear. Now, just be quiet and let me do what needs to be done.” The brutal efficiency of the words is
not lost on Ranma, and he walks back to the kitchen and sits down across the table from his father, who
has remained virtually motionless while Ranma called his fiancés. Finally summoning the courage to
speak, he turns to Ranma and screams, “Boy, do realize how much trouble we’re in? You’d better marry
Akane and get this over with!”
“What in the Hell do mean, ‘Marry Akane and get this over with?’ If you want a Saotome to
marry her, why don’t you?”
“Come on, boy, I know you love her. Why don’t you just admit it and get it over with?” Seeing
his son looking down at his feet, Genma takes the offensive. “That’s right, boy. You know what to do.
When Akane comes over here, profess your undying love to her and save our skins.”
Looking up suddenly with an anguished look, Ranma snaps at his father. “You idiot! Akane
isn’t coming! She’d be happy if I were dead!”
“Ahem. It’s not very manly to fight with your father, Ranma.” Both Ranma and his father failed
to notice Nodoka enter the room. “And Genma, you should know that just marrying Akane won’t save the
Saotome name. Now, Ranma, your three fiancés will be here in a couple of minutes, and I want to work
out the ground rules now. We are going to discuss the best way for the lost Saotome honor to be restored.
Ranma, you are promised to four women: Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo, and myself. Three to whom you
promised marriage and one to whom you promised seppuku. Ordinarily you would not even be allowed a
part in the discussion, but I realize that either,” glaring at her husband, “the choice was made for you, or
you didn’t know what you were getting into. Genma, you will not have a seat at this table, and I don’t
want you eavesdropping or interfering; you’ll be locked in the bedroom. Beyond that, I have only one
thing to say to you, Ranma. Everyone wants the same thing, and that is to leave with the most honor
intact. Don’t forget that.”
“Mom, you mentioned Akane. Is she coming?”
“Yes, Ranma, although I think you should remember the situation we are in. She is going to be
extremely angry at us for what she’s being forced to do.”
“You forced her to come here?”
“In a way. I reminded her that her honor demands that she come. I hated to do that to her, but I
didn’t have any other choice. One final thing. Akane loves you, Ranma, and you love her. Don't give me
that look, son. I love you both, but if you hurt her in any way, I would consider that the ultimate display
of unmanliness. You would be committing seppuku within an hour. Now, go put on some good clothes.
We have guests coming over.”
******
******
Well, there you have it: a slight edit on my original part one. Not too many changes, just
addressing the major points that came up in the initial batch of C&C from the temp lists. Hope you like
it.
-Matt Urban
Urbanm@enigma.rider.edu
