What follows is the latest version of a story I posted some months
ago. It's slightly larger now, and hopefully better.

  I would love to see it criticized, or even reviewed, or torn apart
by a magical girl team. If I'm not offered any suggestions for
improvement, I'll post it as-is on r.a.a.c and embarrass myself
in front of a larger audience. Please be merciful, and tear it apart
now rather than let me let something embarrassing slip before the
whole world. ;}
						Neil Reynolds
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  Self-confidence, Self-worth. Many people try to maintain a delicate
balance between too much, and too little. At one extreme, madness
lies. For example, Tatewaki Kuno; unbeatable barring trickery,
infinitely noble, and recipient of the love of two goddesses; no
setback, no proof, no doubt can sway his self image. His ego is
unassailable.

			   Ubiquitous Tears

  [As Kasumi gets into the hot tub and relaxes, her mind starts to
drift ...]

  Today was a long day, and I'm feeling melancholy. I hate nights like
these. I don't have the energy to read a book or something, so I'm
going to be alone with my thoughts tonight.

  I hate nights like these. Why do I have to mull over all the things
I can't change? Why can't I be satisfied with the way I am? People
like me. I'm a good person. So why do I feel so empty sometimes?

  I think I've lately been looking for more housework, just to keep
busy, to keep from mulling over the same ideas over, and over
again. As long as I'm busy, I don't have to think about what's wrong
with my life, what's wrong with me.

  I think one of the hardest parts is watching Akane and her friends
constantly fighting about who loves who, none of them realizing how
precious love is. Akane ignores Ranma, Ranma ignores Akane and Ukyou,
Ukyou ignores Konatsu, Shampoo ignores Mousse. All of them ignore the
love another feels for them. If they ever find out what it means to
live without someone's love, they'll regret every minute they didn't
spend reciprocating that love.

  I don't mind being an unmarried virgin at 19. But I DO mind not even
having had a date. When I was in high school, I had lots of friends,
but I never had time for clubs or activities after school because I
had to take care of our home. And now that Akane and Nabiki are old
enough, my friends are gone. I graduated highschool two years ago, and
my life has barely changed at all over the last two years. Sarenko and
Michi are at universities, Junko is an office lady, and Himeko has had
a baby. They all have lives, except me.

  I have lots of acquaintances now. Everyone at the market knows me. I
think everyone thinks I'm a good person. I want to be helpful, loving,
and loved. But no one seems to want to become good friends or ask me
out. I know I'm not beautiful, but surely I'm not ugly. I've seen
women who treat their men worse than I ever could, but there's no one
for me.

  When I was young, I thought that if you were a good person, people
would automatically want to be with you. I've always wanted to be
liked. I've always tried to be the kind of person everyone likes. I
thought I should be open and honest, and people would appreciate me
for who I am.

  I thought that the little deceptions and mannerisms used to catch
men were to hide your own flaws. I never learned how to disguise
myself with makeup. Or how to talk around subjects to keep him
guessing what I was thinking. I don't know how to appear mysterious or
attractive or seductive. I didn't want to trick someone into a
relationship, I wanted someone who likes me for myself. No one told me
these tricks were necessary just to meet people and have them think of
you as more than a friend or an acquaintance.

  It's so hard to spend time with people once you leave school. In
school you're forced to spend lots of time with a variety of
people. And there's always excuses to spend time with people. But once
you leave school, there isn't much you can do.

  I suppose I could go to bars and try to pick someone up, but I don't
want that. I don't like bars, and I want someone who appreciates me
for who I am, not someone who's only interested in me for the night.

  I keep telling myself that eventually someone will appreciate me, as
long as I keep making myself a better person, but it gets so hard when
so many years have gone by, and I'm still alone.

  Some nights I've contemplated ending my life. Most of my life seems
to be a grey haze punctuated by black moments of despair. At least I'd
finally be at peace, free of all the pain. But I can't do that to my
family. If I ever do kill myself, I'll make it look like an accidental
death. But I haven't yet because of the pain it would cause my family
and friends. And I still have faith my life will get better.

  Some nights, I don't even have that faith. I feel I've been a fool
thinking things might get better. I'm just going to grow older, even
less able to change my life. Surviving on the small joys of being an
aunt in a large family, without a family of my own.

  Life is a vale of tears. And I try so hard to be supportive of
others, to see the good in others. Why doesn't anyone see anything in
me? The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but I've spent my life learning
not to intrude on others, not to demand from others, but to be
supportive and helpful. Complaining and shouting goes against
everything I feel is good about me.

  I'd better get out of this tub, and try to fall asleep. I wont be
cheerful again tonight, hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

			       The End

Authors Notes:

1) If anyone here thinks I'm ignoring Dr. Tofu, you're wrong. I just
don't believe she realizes he's obsessed with her. If anyone thinks
this is out of character for Kasumi, I hope for her sake you are
right. I don't see any evidence in the manga or the anime to suggest
this is out of character for her.

2) Ubiquitous tears -- No one sees them there, because the pain is
intrinsic to the person. People notice when you become sad, few notice
that you are sad, and that you carry sadness within you. "All the
lonely people, where do they all belong?"

3) There are people deserving of your love out there, who would gladly
reciprocate if anyone offered.

4) If you have nights like these, there's always hope that your
equivalent of Dr. Tofu will show up.

5) Yes, some of this is personal experience. My friends keep me
going. But some nights are hell.