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A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction [Spamfic...hee]
[Hmm... how do you classify this kind of story.]

By

Rizal Jaffar
[ee61rj@ee.surrey.ac.uk]

[Standard Fanfiction Disclaimer Applies]
(is it worth it to sue a penniless student?....^_^)


A Day Called Valentine's
------------------------------

	"Hey, wait up will you.", Ranma yelled as he hurried to catch up with 
Akane. She had rushed out before he had even finished his breakfast. 
	"What's with that girl anyway?", he muttered angrily to himself as he 
made his way to school, his stomach growling. 
	
	Splash!
	"Why me?!", Ranma looked morosely up towards the sky. He was
trying hard not to yell at the old lady who had soaked him. Breathing in
deeply, he let out a sigh, adjusted his clothes to fit his now female body
and continued on his way. Occasionally, he'd stop to squish some water of
his clothes.

	Near the front gates of the school, Ranma halted his progress and 
stared. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second then looked again. A mob of
students were holding the front gates of the school like a fortress. 
Female students.

	"Pssst...Saotome...", someone hissed nearby.
	"Huh?", Ranma looked around, surprised, to see a crowd of boys skulking 
in fear around the corner.
	"Could you get rid of the girls for us... please?", a classmate pleaded 
to him.
	"What for?", Ranma asked scratching his head.
	"Sssshhh!... keep it down. We don't want them to know we're here.", a 
dozen angry whispers assailed his ears. The boys looked around terrified.

	Ranma looked at them slightly puzzled. 
	"The girls are after you right?", he raised his eyebrows questioningly. 
They nodded.
	"Hey, isn't that what you wanted? Cute girls chasing you?", he 
exclaimed. 
	"Cute? You need glasses Saotome.", someone muttered derisively.
	"Yeah.", shuddered a boy. "I nearly got married to one of those 'cute' 
girls last time."
	"I wish I was sick today.", moaned another classmate. They all
nodded in agreement enthusiastically. 

	Ranma shrugged and approached the gate. As soon as he got close, the 
sounds of girls chattering broke into an uproar. He could barely make out 
what they're saying.
	"A boy!"
	"He's mine!"
	"No, I saw him first!"
	"He's mine I tell you!", a girl ran out of the crowd towards him, 
followed a split second later by the rest. Ranma's mouth dropped open.

	"Wha...", was all he could say before he was mobbed. The massive crowd 
pulled him down and soon they were all piled up on top of each other.
	"Eww... yuck...", the girl who had succeeded in snuggling up to him 
finally realised something. This boy had breasts. Girl breasts.
	"He's a girl.", she yelled out angrily.
Silence. 

	The huge pile managed to untangle itself and Ranma found himself the 
centre of attention of a horde of outraged faces. 
	"It's not my fault...", he mumbled apologetically.
	"Not your fault??!!", a girl stared at him incredulously.
	"Coming here dressed like a boy and it's not your fault??!!", another 
interjected.
	"Hey, I _am_ a boy.", Ranma protested but the girls ignored him and 
proceeded to pummel him to death.
	"Pervert!!"
	
 	A while later, a battered and bruised Ranma staggered up the school's 
stairs and immediately went in search of some hot water.
	"Thanks Saotome, we owe you one.", one of the boys he met outside said 
grinning.
	"Your distraction was enough to get us all in school."
	"Don't mention it.", he said grumpily.

	"Looking for something?"
Ranma jumped at the sound of Akane's voice and turned around. She was 
eyeing him dangerously. He sighed.
	"Just some hot water."
	"Here...", Akane handed him a kettle. Ranma looked surprised then 
quickly snatched the kettle away from her and poured its' contents over 
his head.
	"Thanks."

	Down the hall, on his way to class, Ranma was suddenly jumped by a girl.
	"Aaaah!", he tried to keep his balanced.
	"Oh, you're not my boyfriend.", the girl said disappointedly releasing 
her bear hug.
	"I'm glad you noticed that.", he said breathing hard. 
	The girl narrowed her eyes then slapped him.
	"Pervert!"
	"Hey, you're the one who scared the hell out of me.", Ranma complained, 
his left cheek burning.

	Then he saw Akane. She was looking madly at him.
	"Ranmaaa..."
	"It's not my fault. She jumped me!"
Just then the school bell rang.


*	*	*	*	*


	"Ah, Akane, I accept.", Kunou said graciously.
	"I didn't say anything Kunou.", Akane looked at him, annoyed, for 
spoiling her lunch break.
	"I know that in your heart, you want to go out with me, so there is no 
need to say anything.", he beamed at her.
	Wham! 

	Kunou was thrown back by a massive punch and landed at Ranma's feet. He 
was busy trying to remain inconspicuous amidst the fervour of girls
hunting boys. The very first place to be deemed unsafe was the boy's
locker room. The girls had taken it by storm and was now busy mounting 
surveillance. Occasionally, the cries of anguish and despair was heard. 
Ranma shuddered.

	The safest place, Ranma thought, was to be beside a girl. Akane. She 
wouldn't do anything like that, would she? 
	"Pig-tailed girl, you've come to ask me out.", Kunou said deliriously. 
His vision was swimming with images of a face with pig-tails.
	"I'll be with you in a minute.", then he passed out.
	"Hmmph!", Ranma said, pushing Kunou's inert body aside.

	"Ranma, will you marry me?" Ukyou asked hopefully.
Ranma spewed out his lunch in shock. Ukyou had somehow sneaked up on him 
from behind and ignored all presence of Akane.	
	"Err....", Ranma stuttered. He looked around nervously. Beads of sweat 
was starting to form on his forehead.

	"I..errr...c..c.can't.", he stuttered. Akane looked at him, surprised. 
She was trying to strangle Ukyou with her stare.
	"Why not?", Ukyou had a murderous look in her eyes.
	"Eheh... I'm engaged...", he crossed both hands behind his head and 
leaned back. 
	"Of course you are, I'm your fiancee. Now let's get married.", said 
Ukyou with enthusiasm.
	"No!...err...no, I can't... I'm a girl... yeah... girls don't marry 
girls...", Ranma was babbling. He sat up straight.

	"That's all right."
	Ranma began to tremble...

The end of lunch period bell rang.


*	*	*	*	*

	
	"Free!", cries of joys resounded with the last dying echoes of the 
school bell. School was over. Boys scrambled over each other trying to 
scoot home as fast as possible and lock themselves in their bedroom. The 
more nimble ones managed to clear the gate. Those that didn't thought 
about being a monk and taking residency in some far off places. Fast.

	"Where do you think you're going?", Ukyou asked sternly, taking hold of 
Ranma's collar.
	"I... just remembered that I've got an important business to attend 
to.", Ranma explained hastily.
	"Well, since you put it that way, let's go get married then.", Ukyou 
said sweetly.
	"No! That's not what I meant.", cried Ranma in alarm.

	Akane was practically steaming.
	"Ranmaaa...."
Ranma looked frantic. Being a monk might not be such a bad idea. His 
stomach growled.
	"Look, I'm just going to go get something to eat, all right?", he 
wriggled out of Ukyou's grasp and ran.

	"Ranma die!!!", Ryouga shouted. Ranma had just collided with a flower 
laden Ryouga. Flowers flew all over the place. He got up in a panic and 
looked around to see Ukyou still hot on his trail. Oddly, Akane was right 
behind her.  
	
	"Eeep!", he managed to jump away from Ryouga's attack.
	"Look, I don't have time for this. Come back later okay?", Ranma
said as he dodged every punch Ryouga was throwing at him. 
	"I will have my revenge today, Saotome.", snarled Ryouga.
Desperately, Ranma jumped on top of the nearest roof and started roof 
hopping. He looked back to see Ryouga pursuing him.
	"Come back and fight like a man!!", yelled a very mad Ryouga.

	Ranma dropped out of sight and dashed off in a random direction.
After a minute, he looked back and saw no pursuers on his trail. Sighing
in relief, he leaned his back onto a building's wall and relaxed.
	"Ranma marry Shampoo, yes?", a voice sounded close to his ears.

	Groaning, he pushed himself back to his feet and turned to face the 
newcomer.
	"Not you too Shampoo.", he said hopelessly. 
	"Ranma, if you don't accept my great-granddaughter's proposal, I
might just take a hand into it.", Cologne said. She had hopped out of the 
building Ranma had leaned on earlier. 
	"What are you going to do about it?", challenged Ranma.
	"I'll ask you myself."
	Ranma began to sweat.
	"And I don't take no for an answer."
	Ranma paled.


*	*	*	*	*


	It was dark. Ranma had been running and hiding from certain people the 
whole day. Ukyou had showed up at the Nekohanten and started a brawl with 
Shampoo who was busy hugging him to death. Then Mousse had attacked him 
for hugging Shampoo. The last straw came when he accidentally bumped into 
Kodachi. She was a very persistent young lady, and insane. He shuddered.

	Nearing the point of exhaustion, he trudged back to the dojo, hoping 
that nobody would be waiting for him there. On the way, he passed by Dr. 
Tofu's clinic. Changing his mind, he decided to spend the night there 
instead. 

	"Dr. Tofu, will you...", Ranma started as soon as the door was opened.
	"I'm sorry Ranma, but I'm already taken.", Dr. Tofu replied with a 
twinkle in his eyes.
	"Kasumi had asked me out tonight."
	"Aaaaargh....", Ranma collapsed.

	Ranma woke up to see Akane standing over him, concern etched on her 
face. He was lying down on a bed. Akane's face lit up as soon as she saw 
that he's awake.
	"Ranmaaa....", Akane said girlishly.
He stared at her.
	"Will you..."
His heart stopped beating.
	"Walk me home?" 
He collapsed. 

	"What'd you do that for?", he demanded.
	"Gotcha!", she grinned impishly at him.


[The End] [for now...]


Author's incoherent babbling:

	I've a question for all you mathematicians out there. What are the odds 
of someone having exactly the same ideas as someone else's? I didn't 
plagiarise anybody's ideas, honest...hehe.. Well, with the exception of 
the Ranma cast and universe which have their respective copyrights, all I 
did was scholarship (I really love this term..hee) and some creative 
license. So, if I copied anybody's ideas, let me know and I'll drop it.

	The FFML was turning into a really depressing place, so I thought I 
could lighten up the mood a bit (heh, I appoint myself the unofficial 
fool for the court of the FFML). Every time I looked into my e-mail, 
someone had posted a fanfic that makes me feel really depressed, not to 
mention sad. What's with all this moody fanfics anyway? I really don't 
relish writing moody fics. They make me come away feeling gloomy about 
life and everything...sooo... write something cheerful already... 
(incidentally, if this fic turns out to be gloomy, it's your fault
...hehe)

	About the storyline... well, I got the idea from my Japanese
teacher. It was some days after Valentine's and I was sort of curious to
know if the Japanese had something similar. It turned out that they do
have a Valentine's day. The adults don't take much notice of it but the
school girls go absolutely wild. It's a sort of girls' initiative day,
where the girls do the asking instead of the boys. Topsy-turvy... hehe.
And yes, I'm one of those fellows who badly wants to know what the 
Japanese means instead of hearing dubs...

	Last time I posted, I put the C&C notice in a postscript right at the 
very bottom of the fanfic. That netted me 4 C&C's... not bad huh? Well, 
this time around, the C&C got a prominent (I hope...) place right inside 
the author's incohe...err.... author's notes. Okay, here goes. Please, 
please, please C&C... please?? Don't spare the keyboard... (from what 
I've got, you people seemed to be softies when it comes to 
keyboards...hee.). I want C&C, I need C&C, what more do you want? An 
engraved invitation? (ouch... really hate cliches.)


ME!!!

P.S I know this is a bit late and Valentine's Day is over but... better 
late than never. (ack.. another cliche.)