What has gone before: Tendou Akane never existed in this history.  Ranma's
only fiancee is Ukyou, and Genma and Soun hate it.  The school still believes
Ranma to be a girl and Ukyou a boy.  Ryouga is Ranma's pet pig Charlotte.

                                    TENDOU 2/3
                                 by Ken Arromdee
                             Chapter 9: Bad Hair Day

    "Kunou-chan, we've got to talk."
    "Of course we must talk, Tendou Nabiki.  You are my sole source of pictures
of Saotome Ranma, after all.  I await your description of the pictures of the
beauteous Ranma Saotome and your extortionate fees that I, the Blue Thunder of
Furinkan High, will magnanimously pay."
    "That's what I've decided to talk to you about.  You see, I've gotten
tired of taking pictures and I think I need a new hobby.  Would you care to
buy a slightly used camera?  It should be especially useful for taking pictures
of Ranma since that's what it's done its whole life!"  Wonder if Kunou thinks
that really makes sense, thought Nabiki.  A camera's a camera, after all.
    "What, to think that I, Kunou Tatewaki, would stoop so low as to take
pictures in secret?"
    Nabiki insisted.  "How much are you willing to pay, Kunou-chan?"
    Kunou named a figure, about 30% more than the value of the camera.  Nabiki
was about to give it to him, but was interrupted by a timid voice saying
"Excuse me..."
    Nabiki glanced over and recognized the boy that was interrupting as
Hikaru Gosunkugi, a student from Ranma's class who never got the nerve to ask
Ranma out on a date, not that it would have gotten a "yes" answer regardless.
She answered "Hai, Gosunkugi-kun?"
    "I was...  I was wondering if you would sell that to me.  I am interested
in photographing scenery like you do with it...."
    The kid was fixated on Ranma, thought Nabiki.  But then so was Kunou.  May
as well try to get a good price.  Nabiki told Gosunkugi a price about 40% too
high; Kunou outbid him, and after a short but fierce bidding war Nabiki sold
the camera to Gosunkugi for twice its real value.
    Nabiki chuckled as she walked away with her profits.  The idea of buying
another one and selling it to Kunou briefly passed through her head, but if
she really needed more money there were much more profitable methods.

    Gosunkugi drooled over his newfound purchase, and hid in a bush waiting for
Ranma to come by so that he could take pictures of her.  Pictures that would
be his, to keep and admire forever....  Was that someone coming down the street?
Gosunkugi hid deeper, just in case it was Ranma.
    It _was_ Ranma.  She was chasing after her pet pig.  Gosunkugi looked
through the viewfinder at Ranma and pressed the button just when she her
breasts were slightly exposed to view.
    Nothing happened.
    Gosunkugi, embarassed, realized what he did wrong and went to the store to
buy film.

    Ranma chased after Charlotte down the street past Gosunkugi, passing
through the field of view of his camera without even noticing him or his
antics.  She grabbed ahold of Charlotte and took him to the men's room,
throwing him and his clothes in and slamming the door.  It was something Ranma
had to do, even though Ryouga wanted to hurt her; fighting with someone when
they're under the handicap of being turned into a pig just isn't honorable.
    Ryouga came out, raging mad.  "Ranma!  Why you jerk, letting me be hurt
by Kodachi like that.  She was nearly going to roast me for dinner!"
    "Calm down, Ryouga, can't you listen to me for once?  I told you she
didn't know you're Charlotte.  You didn't believe me."
    "And you proved it."
    "And I proved it."
    "You proved it by trying to feed me to the only girl who's expressed any
concern for me!"  Ryouga threw his umbrella at Ranma, which Ranma sidestepped.
The umbrella flew in an arc and landed back in Ryouga's hand.
    "How was I going to know she was going to try to cook you?  If you tell a
normal person to look at a pig for a minute she's not going to immediately
try to cook it."
    Ryouga began throwing bandannas.  "Are you insinuating there is something
wrong with Kodachi?"
    Ranma finally started fighting back, kicking Ryouga dozens of times.
"Well, she does cook using poison.  And she likes hurting people.  It's a hint,
anyway."
    Ryouga swung his umbrella at Ranma.  "She cooks using poison because she
never learned how to cook without it!  But she likes me, Ranma, and she's
willing to try harder.  Already her food is delicious and the poison does no
more than add a slight bitter taste."  Ranma shot out a flurry of punches,
and Ryouga backed off and began a second barrage of bandannas.
    Ranma leapt aside, into the branches of a tree, but nearly fell when
one of the bandannas sliced the trunk in two.  "Ryouga, you idiot, can't you
stop fighting and see that..."
    Ranma never finished her sentence.  Another bandanna flew by and she
easily dodged it with a quick motion, swinging her head aside.  But then came a
third.  The pigtail trailing behind Ranma's head was directly in its path, and
Ranma noticed her predicament just a moment too late.  The bandanna sliced
through, cutting it off, and then more bandannas chopped it into dozens of fine
pieces.

    As Ranma realized what happened, she stopped, shocked, and lost all of
her aim, lashing out uselessly at Ryouga a few times and then just staring in
the air.  "Ryouga...  Ryouga you idiot!  That's...  that's...  how could you
_do_ this to me, Ryouga?".
    Sayuri, watching the battle from nearby with her friend Yuka, broke away
and walked right up to Ryouga, then slapped him in the face.  "How _could_ you
do that?  A girl's hair is her life!  We spend all that time to fix it and you
just cut it off because you're a little bit upset with her." Sayuri walked
away.
    Yuka followed in her footsteps.  Ryouga tried to dodge her, complaining
"Hey, she's not hurt!"  Yuka replied "She's not hurt, but she lost her hair!
And she's obviously upset!", slapped Ryouga again, and left too.
    Ukyou walked by, saw that Ranma was upset, and glared at Ryouga.  His
attempt to assume an innocent enough expression to avoid a third slap failed
miserably, and Ukyou finally slapped him too.  Ranma just watched, still
stunned.
    Ryouga didn't know what to say, and stood there for several long seconds
with red marks on his face.  Finally, the words occurred to him.
    "Ranma, act like a man!  I didn't do anything to make you so shocked.
Just because you have to act like a girl in front of them doesn't mean you
have to worry about your hair, of all things, just like you were one!  Or...
_are_ you becoming a girl, Ranma?"
    Ryouga braced himself for the inevitable attack in response.  It never
came.  Ranma only blurted out "No...  But you don't understand at all."
    "Well, then explain."

    Ranma began his tale.  "Just a little while after we came from Jyusenkyou,
my old man had eaten all the food.  I was starving, when I spotted this guy
chasing this other guy to get back a bowl of soup.  I figured that I was a lot
hungrier than either of them, so I took it and ate it."
    Ukyou glared at Ranma.  "You stole food from a restaurant?"
    "It wasn't a restaurant.  Anyway, the first thing the guy in the back did
was open my robe to look at my breasts.  He tried to pretend that it was to
be sure that I was a girl, but I think he was just etchi.  Then he explained
to me that it was good that I was a girl, because I had just eaten what he
called the 'Dragon's Hair Soup'.
    "This soup is made with a special hair said to be from a dragon.  It's very
rare, since even in the myths dragons usually have scales, not hair.  The
soup is also a home remedy for baldness.  If a bald man drinks it, he'll grow
hair.  But if a man with hair drinks it, it makes his hair grow uncontrollably.
It doesn't affect girls.
    "I took the hot water kettle from his stove--did I tell you he invited me
to eat?--and tried it, because I _wasn't_ going to believe some stupid story
about magic hairs that didn't even exist.  But they did.  As soon as I became
a guy, my hair went out of control.  I had to beat him up before he'd tell me
the cure...  tie my hair together using the Dragon's Hair."

    Ryouga gaped and pointed to the pile of cut hair, with short lighter-
colored, thicker, pieces interspersed--fragments of the Dragon's Hair.  "You
mean...  you can't become a guy until you get another Dragon's Hair?"
    "Yeah.  Want to go over to China and get me one?  You can swim pretty
well, Charlotte."  Ryouga growled at Ranma's use of that name.  Ranma growled
back, then Ryouga tried a punch, and soon the fight started up again.

    At the Tendou Dojo, the doorbell rang.  Kasumi answered it.  "Oh, it's you,
Ranma-kun!"  A very battered female Ranma was dragging an even worse Ryouga
behind her, and Ukyou trailed behind them both.  "And you have guests!"
    Ranma called together his father and the Tendous and explained the story,
demonstrating the effect of the Dragon's Hair with pots of hot and cold water
(and a pair of scissors).  "Now, I'm returning to China, old man, and you
can't stop me.  I'm going to pack."
    She headed for the stairs.  Ukyou stood in her way, as well as Genma, who
immediately picked Ranma up and turned her around.  "You will not go to China
to get the Dragon's Hair without taking your father along!  It can be a
perilous journey and no son of mine shall go alone!"
    "Yeah, Dad.  I know what you want it for."  Ranma spun back towards the
stairs and kicked off her father's hat.  Then she pointed to the smooth dome
of skin, glistening in the light.  "You want it for that bald head of yours!"
Ranma completely kicked Genma out of the way and stepped towards the stairs
again.
    Ukyou still stood in her way.  "Ranchan...".
    "You want to come with me, Ucchan?  I'd be glad to have you along.  You're
a good friend."
    "I'm your fiancee!  And I want to know how you're going to GET to China.
Surely you're not going to swim there?"
    "We did it once.  We'll do it again."

    Nabiki's smile was heard by everyone who saw her face and had a strange
imagination.  "There's no need to go through all that trouble."
    Ukyou asked "And I'm sure you have the perfect way to get to China?"
    "Yup.
    "And I'm sure it has the perfect price?"
    "Yup."
    "And I'm sure that you're going to make a profit on it, so it'd be cheaper
to buy whatever it is directly instead of going through you?"
    "Well, if you're not interested...."  Nabiki headed for her room.
    "Wait!" asked Ranma.  Nabiki stopped.  Ranma continued "What's your
price?"
    "I can't squeeze blood from a stone, Ranma.  Besides, I'm a possible
fiancee of yours.  I can't have a potential husband who's a girl all the time.
Let's see, with the discount for family members...  1000 yen each for you,
Ryouga, and Ukyou.  Plus 1000 to bring back a Dragon's Hair for Mr. Saotome.
Pay for your own food and lodging."
    Even Ranma could notice the hole in that suggestion.  "You _can't_ get to
China on 1000 yen a person unless you use the money to buy a plastic canoe and
some oars."
    "Oh, really?  Watch."
    Everyone watched Nabiki.  She tapped her foot until Genma finally brought
out his wallet, peeling off 1000 yen for her.  Ranma, Ukyou, and Ryouga soon
followed.

    Nabiki walked to the phone and dialed a number.  "Hello?  Kunou-chan?  No,
I need to speak to Kodachi..."  She waited a moment for Kodachi to get on the
line.
    "Hi, Kodachi!  Glad you're here!  Well, I just called to tell you Ryouga is
going away to help Ranma on a little mission...  yeah, I know they don't have
much money.  They only paid 1000 yen a person, and we're going to buy the canoe
tomorrow...  What do you mean you don't want your Ryouga-sama to travel the
vast oceans of the world in just a canoe?  It's perfectly safe!...  Really?
You'd go through all that for Ryouga?  You're a great help!...  But you want to
come along to see that Ryouga is safe?  Of course, we'd be glad to have you!
Ja ne."
    Nabiki hung up the phone and explained.  "The plane leaves Tuesday at
noon."
    Ranma was furious.  "I could have done that!"
    "But you're predictable, Ranma.  And I'm the predictor."

    The day before the flight left, Ranma said goodbye to her friends at
school.  Hiroshi, who had turned out to be a pretty cool person once he stopped
asking Ranma for dates, wondered about the trip.
    "Ranma... there's always been something _very_ strange about you.  You're
like no girl I've ever met before.  You've always acted in ways that made no
sense and done strange things...  I haven't bugged you about this, but now...
could you tell me what this trip is _for_?"
    "Hiroshi, forget it.  I can't explain at the moment.  I'm not sure I ever
can.  Think of it as a training trip, okay?  It's not dangerous, and I'll be
back as soon as I find what I'm trying to find.  It might not even be a week."
    Sayuri, accompanied by Yuka, smiled a bit at Ranma.  "Ranma, there's one
thing, before you go on your trip.  Open your hand and close your eyes."
Ranma obeyed, and Sayuri dropped something in her hand.  "You can open your
eyes now!"
    Nestled in Ranma's hand was a cute heart-shaped trinket.  Sayuri explained.
"It's supposed to be for good luck!  Don't lose it!  We know you don't like
earrings, so we decided to get you this.  Just put it on a keychain."
    "Sayuri-san, it's not a dangerous trip.  I don't need good luck.  Please
believe me."  Ranma wracked her brains as fast as she could to figure out a way
not to be unintentionally humiliated by Sayuri and Yuka by having to use cute
girls' stuff.  "It's...  I'm not sure if they allow imported jewelry in that
area of China without paying big customs duties!"
    "Ranma, I know you're trying to make us feel better.  You know we'll worry
about you, so you try to make us think it's safe and that you don't need good
luck.  But you don't have to hide it from us... we're your friends."  Sayuri
suddenly hugged Ranma, making her turn slightly red, and pushed the charm down
hard into Ranma's hand.  "Sayonara, Ranma-chan... and good luck!"
    "It is NOT A DANGEROUS TRIP!"
    "How brave Ranma is when she tells us that", muttered Sayuri to Yuka
with admiration.

    Ranma fingered the charm attached to her keyring at the airport, wondering
if Sayuri could have been guessing right.  After all, the last time she had
been in China was when she _got_ this problem to begin with.  Not to mention
the curse, though for once the curse had proved useful--she would already have
run out of hair otherwise.  If only she had thought of asking for more than
one Dragon's Hair.
    The assembled group included Ranma, Ryouga, Ukyou, Kodachi, and Nabiki.
Kodachi handed Ranma, Ukyou, and Nabiki a ticket each.  "Oh, and Ryouga-sama,
I'll hold yours for safekeeping!"  Ryouga grabbed for the ticket; Kodachi
suddenly drew it back and stepped a foot forwards, causing Ryouga to lose his
balance and fall on top of her.  Kodachi blushed.  "Ryouga...  sama...."
    Ryouga hit the ground with one hand and pushed himself up and away from
Kodachi.  "I didn't mean...  I'm sorry, Kodachi!"
    "Oh...  Ryouga...  It's all right.  The accident was a gift from heaven.
Please take me!"  Kodachi hugged Ryouga tightly, causing Ryouga to jitter and
finally faint.  Kodachi kissed him on the lips.
    Nabiki pointed to Ryouga and Kodachi in turn and asked Ranma, "So you set
_him_ up with _her_?"
    "In a way."
    "Fun." replied Nabiki.

    They checked their luggage, and walked through the airport towards their
gate.  The guard at the metal detector let through Ranma, Nabiki, Ryouga, and
Ukyou (making her run her spatulas through the X-ray machine).  As soon as
Kodachi stepped in, however, an alarm clattered.
    The guard put his hand in front of Kodachi, palm up.  "Stop right there.
I'm sorry, you'll have to come with me."
    "Oh, it's just a few bombs!  Why, I would never use one on an airplane; it
would get me as well as all the victims.  And these are poisoned spikes.
Really, I wouldn't cause any trouble with them.  They're just for
self-defense!"
    At that the guard pressed a button, which set off a louder alarm.  Another
guard soon arrived, drinking a cup of coffee, and looked at Kodachi.  He asked
the first guard "You caught one?"
    "Yeah, Joe.  Caught one.  A real nutcase.  She says she's carrying bombs
and poison on the airplane.  I thought most people like that try to hide it?"
    "Well, it takes all kinds."
    Ryouga explained.  "It's a bad habit I've really been trying to get her
to give up."    

    Nabiki tried to think of a way out.  It was her own fault, after all, she
thought.  She had misjudged Kodachi, having concluded that Kodachi was
friendly enough not to disrupt anything despite her earlier quarrel with Ranma,
but she hadn't considered that Kodachi might do something stupid while not
meaning any harm.  So it was up to Nabiki to solve the problem.  Of course, she
could always bribe the guards, but that wasn't certain to work, and Nabiki
didn't like to take chances when the cost of failure was too great.  Still,
the group was in a pretty bad situation anyway, and she might have to risk it.
    Luckily, everybody's salvation came, in the form of Gosunkugi, hiding
behind a potted plant.  He had followed them all the way from Nerima, and had
meant to to secretly snap a picture of Ranma, but since he had forgotten to
turn off the flash, he was as obvious as a martial arts battle at 500 paces.
    Ranma tried the "cute" act again.  "Officer, that boy's been following us!
He's been stalking us and taking pictures of us from secret!  Pleeeease do
something!  I'm _scared_!"
    Both guards approached Gosunkugi.  When they turned around, the party was
gone.
    "Hey, Joe?  Where did those guys go?"
    "Dunno."
    "They couldn't have gone onto the plane.  The rose girl would have set off
the buzzer again."
    "Well, maybe she can crawl on the ceiling like Spiderman.  Sneak through
above the metal detector."
    "That's not funny.  Anyway, at least the plane's safe."  He lifted the
squirming boy, who wasn't heavy at all.  "Let's go bring this guy in.  Boy,
does he look pathetic."

    The trip took several hours, with an in-flight movie of Dragonball GT that
the five eagerly viewed, Nabiki half lost in thought as she watched it.  The
closest thing to a fuss happened when Kodachi decided she didn't like the
airplane food and cooked a meal for herself and Ryouga using ingredients from
her carry-on bag, but Kodachi was careful to keep her stove turned off during
takeoff and landing, so the crew had no cause for complaint.  The meal was a
delicious smelling pork dish over rice, and Ryouga fainted again at the mere
thought of sampling her cuisine.  Kodachi laughed; Nabiki didn't bother
pointing out that the look on Ryouga's face before he fainted was one of
disgust.


                                    TENDOU 2/3
                                 by Ken Arromdee
                            Chapter 10: Tourist Trap

    As Ukyou was about to pay the equivalent of 500 yen for lunch, Ranma
stopped her.  "Ucchan, they're overcharging you by a factor of five.  It may
seem cheap by our standards, but they always soak the tourists.  I was here
before, remember?"
    Nabiki was a little surprised.  Ranma, knowing how to save money?  Maybe
she wasn't so dumb after all.  Nabiki herself was wearing her best cheap
Chinese outfit, and did a credible imitation of a Chinese person who just
happened to speak an outlander dialect that nobody in this city understood,
and knew only enough Mandarin to buy and sell and to say "too expensive",
"I don't have that much", and "have mercy on me, our family is so poor that
we would sell our own children for food".

    The next day they left Beijing.  After that came three days of train
rides, bicycle rides, canoe rides, and finally, hiking.  The place where
Ranma got the Dragon's Hair was deep in an area of China full of ancient
villages with strange traditions.  The government preferred to ignore them as
long as they didn't cause any trouble.  Of course, so did everyone else,
making travel in the area a real difficulty.  Ironically, Japanese was spoken
there more frequently than anywhere else in China; martial artists were the
exception to the lack of tourists, and if any language other than a Chinese
dialect would be useful to the locals, the language that all these foreign
martial artists spoke was it.
    Ranma thought.  Jyusenkyou wasn't far away, and if she could retrace her
steps from there and try to find the place where she got the Dragon's Hair....
    "Maybe we should get a guide?", suggested Ukyou.
    "Aww, what do guides know?" replied Ranma.  "It can't be that hard to find
the place."  Ranma stopped a wagon to ask its driver, a farmer hauling a load
of produce.  "Excuse me, which way to Jyusenkyou?"
    The farmer shook his head and denied any knowledge.
    Nabiki wordlessly handed Ranma a guidebook, which contained a map clearly
marked by her with a trail leading to Jyusenkyou.
    They followed the trail that had been drawn on the map until they got much
closer.  The map's scale and clarity still wasn't the best, and soon Ranma,
suspicious that he was going in circles, started looking for people to ask
for directions.
    The first few included more farmers, as well as one bandit (who Kodachi
paralyzed and left tied up and bereft of possessions).  None knew the location
of either the cursed springs or the Dragon's Hair, although Ryouga
misinterpreted and wandered away looking for the village of "Dunno" before
Kodachi grabbed him with a ribbon and pulled him back.

    Ranma questioned another passerby.  This one didn't seem to be a farmer; he
was young and wore a strange outfit covered with areas of imitation scales,
including a set of inefficient-looking shoulderpads.  "Excuse me, where's
Jyusenkyou?"
    The man stared at Ranma's chest and stammered out "Are you...  are you a
woman?  Are those breasts?"
    Ranma grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.  "Where can I get the
Dragon's Hair?"
    Unfortunately, this made the strange person come back to his senses.  He
hit Ranma several times with lightning speed.
    Ranma warned him "If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get!  I
am Saotome Ranma, of the Saotome Unlimited Martial Arts!"  Ranma proceeded to
kick him, aiming carefully for the most vulnerable areas.
    The teenager dodged, barely even getting sideswiped.  "You're good...
very good."  He punched at Ranma again.
    Ranma got hit on the jaw first and went flying, landing with a crunch.
In disbelief, Ranma muttered "Nobody can... be that strong!"
    Ranma lifted herself to her feet and charged her opponent, trying for
another kick.  To her surprise, he dodged it completely and then started a
strange attack, shouting "Ryuusei Hishou!"  He soared up into the air and flew
all around Ranma, hitting her multiple times until her collapse.
    Nabiki whispered into his ear and then said "We're friends!"
    "Oh."

    Ukyou lifted Ranma into her arms and rolled her head towards the strange
teenager, then pinched her, to wake her up.  She looked at the strange teenager
with anger.  "You knocked out my fiancee!  Who _are_ you?"
    "If you want to know, I'll tell you", explained the teenager.  "My name is
Herb.  I'm the prince of the Musk Dynasty, a small village of martial artists.
We train all our lives in the mountains here, never seeing a woman.  When I
saw your girlfriend I couldn't help but stare.  But when she attacked me, my
training took over, and I attacked her back.  I'm surprised she lasted so
long... only the most powerful of martial artists can survive more than a few
seconds against us."
    Ranma stood up, leaning against a tree for support, and asked "Do you know
where the Dragon's Hair is?"
    "Yes."
    "Where is it?"
    Ranma waited.  So did Herb.  Neither of them said anything.  Finally Herb
asked "There are no women in our village.  But you're a nice strong woman,
with big b... b...."
    Nabiki helpfully said "Breasts."
    Herb continued.  "Will you marry one of the men of the Musk Dynasty?  If
you do, I'll tell you where to get your Dragon's Hair."
    Ukyou objected.  "Ranma's a g--"  She realized that Kodachi was still
around and really didn't need to be told Ranma's secret.  Or her own.  "I told
you, Ranma's already engaged to me!  And we're from Japan.  Ranma can't marry
one of you."
    Herb looked at Ranma's chest again.  "B...."  Ranma and Ukyou
simultaneously slapped him.
    Ranma asked "Haven't you ever heard of Jyusenkyou?"  She had to be a bit
oblique, to avoid tipping off Kodachi, but if this man did know what
Jyusenkyou was, and had heard of the Dragon's Hair, he would understand.
    Herb considered Ranma's clue.  "I see.  Jyusenkyou.  We of the Musk
Dynasty are very familiar with that place.  You can't marry one of us after
all.  Fine; follow me and I'll give you the Dragon's Hair."
    Ranma looked around for Kodachi.  Not only didn't Kodachi understand the
reference, she didn't seem to be anywhere nearby.
    Ryouga tilted his head towads a treetop and said "Please don't, Kodachi-
san.  Ranma, er, needs him alive and awake."

    Herb led everyone to his village.  "You can stay here..."  He called
several other young men and added "...permanently!"  The others surrounded
the group.
    Ukyou hit one of them with her spatula, hard.  Ranma konked him.
    Ryouga faced off against a teenager wearing tiger stripes.  They
grappled, both straining their muscles against their opponent.  Incredible,
thought Ryouga as the teen forced him back.  I've never met anyone this strong.
It's not natural....
    Kodachi came to Ryouga's aid, shoving a bouquet of black roses (a little
wilted from the journey in her bag) at the man.  He collapsed.
    However, soon more of them surrounded the party, each one positioned in a
practiced martial arts stance, and Ranma realized that there was no way
everyone could just escape.  "Now come along with me!" commanded Herb.

    Herb took them to a large hut.  It looked pretty comfortable, for a place
meant for prisoners--it had several well-made beds, and even an electric
lamp.  "Now stay in there."
    Ranma asked "All of us?"
    "All of you, except for the wo...  woman with the short brown hair."
    Nabiki replied "My name is Nabiki Tendou."
    Ranma wasn't going to let Nabiki just rot in some Chinese village.  After
all, she had caused nowhere near as much hardship in Ranma's life as, for
instance, Ranma's father.  "Hey, you can't do that!"
    "We won't hurt her.  But she is to be insurance.  Since you cannot marry
any of our tribe, Ranma, I want you to find us someone who will.  There is a
tribe full of strong women, called the Nyuuchezuu, who live not far from
here.  I want you to go there tomorrow and bring us some brides.  If you do,
we will free Nabiki and tell you where to get the Dragon's Hair.
    "Why can't you do that yourself?"
    "We don't understand people with b...  breasts and we have no idea how to
talk to women to ask them to marry us!  Now, do you agree to our terms?"
    Nabiki shouted at Ranma "Don't just stand there!  Do something!"
    Ranma angrily answered "If that's the kind of demand you're going to make,
you leave us no choice!  We have to..."
    "Yes?" asked Herb.
    "... agree." Nabiki didn't even bother facefaulting.

    Ryouga hit Ranma as soon as they got away from the village.  "What did you
agree to something like that for?  I'm no part of this!"
    "You caused it!  It's because of you that I have to come to this
godforsaken place and get the Dragon's Hair.  So you're coming with us...
Charlotte." said Ranma.
    Ryouga looked around nervously to see if Kodachi was close enough to hear.
He knew Kodachi hated the little pig and he wasn't going to let her know that
that was really him.  Of course, Ranma was bound by honor not to tell Kodachi
outright, but Ranma would figure out some way to let her know without bringing
any guilt on himself.
    Kodachi popped out from behind a bush.  "Charlotte?  Oh, your pig is here,
Ranma?"
    "Well, I didn't bring him along, but you know, he gets lost at times.
Hey, Ryouga, why don't you check that pool over there for him?"  Ranma
playfully shoved Ryouga in the pool's direction.

    The ensuing fight took up the rest of the afternoon, and they didn't reach
the Nyuuchezuu village for another day.  As they finally approached it, Ranma
lectured everyone.
    "... and whatever you do, don't eat any of the food!"
    Kodachi wouldn't accept this.  "I've developed resistance to poisons.
They cannot take down the Black Rose of St. Hebereke that easily!
Hahahahahaha!"
    "The food's fine.  But if you ever eat the prize in their tournament,
you'll have to fight, and then kill the one you're fighting."
    Kodachi said "So?"
    Ryouga told her "You don't want to kill them!"
    "Why not?"
    "Because...  because...  ah, forget it."

    Cologne watched the strangers arrive.  Odd, she thought.  They were
martial artists--at least they moved like martial artists, and they wore
the clothes of either martial artists, or one of the many professions with
which martial arts could be combined.  Two men and two women.  She kept
watching them as they approached.  Hmm, she thought, that one with the pigtail
had visited before, just a few months ago.  She had won the fight against
Shampoo, and Shampoo had chased her across the ocean to Japan.  And lost again.
Her enemy--along with her enemy's fiancee who won a fight against Shampoo and,
by rights, should have been Shampoo's, had sent her away using her own shampoo
on her.  When Cologne found her and restored her memory, she had cried in shame
and gone off to train so as to fulfill her duty.
    As the group approached, one of the junior Amazons, a girl named Soap,
asked Cologne if she should question them.
    "No.  I'm going to do it personally, Ladios-san.  I've taken special
interest in these people."

    Ranma looked around, worried that Shampoo might be there.  But surely even
if she was and this did become a fight, Ranma could stave off Shampoo for
long enough to arrange a meeting between the young people of the two villages.
Then Ranma could get the Dragon's Hair and change back to a man again!
    The person who rushed out to meet them, an old woman picking her teeth,
spoke to Ranma.  "I'm Cologne.  Oldest of the elders of this tribe."
    "Boy, that's fast.  We thought it my take a while to get a chance to talk
with anyone important...."
    Cologne rapped Ranma with her walking stick, so fast she couldn't even
dodge.  "Quiet!  You were here before, Ranma.  You beat my great-granddaughter
Shampoo."
    "Great-granddaughter?  Uh, that was an accident and anyway it's all over
now, right?"
    Cologne tossed her toothpick backwards, hitting Kodachi's hand and making
her drop the bouquet she was about to shove under Cologne's nose.  Ryouga
gaped.  Cologne continued, "As I was saying, you, Ranma, beat Shampoo.  No,
I'm not going to fight you.  That's her business.  But there is something
which _is_ my business, as someone from the same family."  She turned to Ukyou.
"You're the one who calls himself Ranma's fiancee, right?"
    "If you want to make me marry Shampoo, I can't and I won't!" answered
Ukyou.
    "It's your duty.  You're to stay here in this village and be Shampoo's
husband."
    "Your customs can't apply to outsiders!"
    "Your custom that people can't apply things to outsiders can't apply to
us."  Ukyou didn't think this made a whole lot of sense, but arguing with the
old woman seemed useless.
    Cologne motioned to a group of guards, mostly women but including several
men too.  They surrounded the group.
    Ranma began to wonder if it was really necessary to lose one party member
in each village they visited.  And he wasn't going to let his friend down.
"If Ucchan stays, we all stay."

    Kodachi protested.  "We do not stay."  Ryouga agreed with her.  They
argued and fought with Ranma and Ukyou.  Cologne didn't seem to mind, and the
guards left everyone alone, as long as they didn't make any motions towards
the exit.
    A girl rode a bicycle in on the dirt road, as small animals scampered out
of the way to avoid getting crushed.  "Ni hao!"
    Cologne waved to her and she got off and hugged Cologne.  << Shampoo,
you're back!  You have guests.  It's Ranma and your husband.  Be careful,
I can tell something's strange about him, though I do think he's telling the
truth about being engaged to Ranma. >>
    Shampoo let go of her great-grandmother and hugged Ukyou affectionately.
Ranma and Ukyou both hit Shampoo, which didn't particularly please her, though
it did stop her from fingering Ukyou's chest area.
    "Oh.  It is girl Ranma who defeat Shampoo.  Shampoo not kill you so far
because has to train for battle due to loss second time.  But Ranma's turn
will come.  Are these others bodyguards of Ranma?"
    Ryouga shouted out "No way!"
    Kodachi agreed.  "Though Ranma has helped me before, surely she can fight
her own battles."
    Ryouga explained "That means 'no' too."
    Shampoo asked "You mean to stay or you mean to flee leader of group?"
    Kodachi protested.  "The Black Rose of St. Hebereke is led by nobody!"
She pushed a bouquet of black roses into Shampoo's face; Shampoo collapsed on
the ground, unconscious.
    Unfortunately, Cologne saw this and swung her staff out.  It hit the roses
hard enough to break their stems, and the fell right onto Kodachi.

    Kodachi opened her eyes as a splash of very cold river water hit her.
Ukyou was there, with a bucket, keeping a careful distance as if in fear that
Kodachi would attack him for being abruptly woken.  Smart boy, thought Kodachi.
    "Kodachi, you're working for Ranma now", said Ukyou.
    "I would never...."
    "I talked to some of the people of the tribe.  If you're working for
Ranma, that just counts as a defeat by Ranma.  But if you're not...  well,
then it's kill or be killed."

    There was a knock on the door, late at night, when everyone was asleep.
Kodachi, who habitually slept as lightly as a ninja, got up and answered the
door.  Two girls around Shampoo's age were standing there, twins from the look
of it.  They bowed, introducing themselves.  "I'm Pink."  "And I'm Link.  We're
twins."  Yes, thought Kodachi, I know.  So get on with it.
    Pink explained "We're from a neighboring village.  We heard that Shampoo
was gone and came here to find out why.  And found out about you prisoners.
We just wanted to wish you luck.  We don't particularly like Shampoo, you see.
Whenever she meets us, she attacks us!  All because of a little accident when
we were kids."
    "I, Black Rose Kodachi, am grateful for your support and am glad you are
here to free us from our imprisonment!"
    "Oh, we can't do that.  We don't want to get in trouble with the whole
village."
    "Then naturally you would intercede on our behalf with the village council
as local residents of a neighboring village."
    "We can't do that, either."
    "What do you do?" 
    Link answered "We can cheer you on!  By the way, do you have seeds for
those roses you used to defeat Shampoo?"
    "Seeds?"
    "You mean you have a way to grow roses without seeds?"
    "Of course not.  I am just astonished you have such an interest!  But I
carry no seeds.  The roses are hidden and brought to the fore when necessary,
a unique skill of the beautiful rose of St. Hebereke Girls' High School!"
    Pink started speaking.  "That is amazing.  We can't hide flowers,
especially thorny ones like those.  We carry seeds to grow them when needed."
She announced "Wind okay, adding water", and tossed a small object on the
ground near Kodachi's feet.  Link poured a glass of water on top of it, and the
object, apparently some kind of seed, instantly grew into a monstrous vine.
    Kodachi admired the vine for a second, then got a more serious expression
on her face.  She reached into her nominally skintight outfit and removed a
club.  Thrusting the club, she twisted it sharply to activate the spikes.
Kodachi beat at the vine with the weapon, crushing and mangling it and
staining the floor with greenish vine juice.  "Ohohoho.  A paralysis vine!  It
is a good thing that I recognized it, for if I had touched it I would not have
been able to move.  What a clever strategem!"
    Link said "Just demonstrating.  No offense."
    Kodachi smiled.  These were well-bred girls.  "None taken.  I would love to
discuss plants with you, for the art of gardening as a predecessor to combat,
which insures a balanced soul, is truly rare."
    They discussed poisons and plants all night.  As they left the next
morning, Kodachi exclaimed "The Black Rose of St. Hebereke Girl's High School
does really appreciate your company.  I would be glad to call you friends,
of which I have so few."

    Shampoo appeared at the door, with her great-grandmother.  She smiled with
glee and warned Ranma "In week we have match.  One of us may die then.  Shampoo
believe it be you, and this end problem with husband, who stay with Shampoo in
village forever."  Ukyou threw a spatula at her, but Cologne knocked it out of
the air.
    Ukyou tapped Cologne on the shoulder as she was leaving breakfast behind
for the prisoners.  The old woman turned around, but, sensing that it was not
an attack, didn't hit Ukyou.
    Ukyou asked her "Why are you doing this?  You know that I don't want to
marry Shampoo.  You seem to be a decent person otherwise.  Why force this
marriage?"
    "I'm sorry, great-grandson, this is the way it is.  I'm the oldest person
in the village, and I'm the one who makes sure that everyone keeps the
traditions.  If you don't like it, it's still your duty--I know you're
familiar with the idea.  You can't complain that you don't like marriages
arranged for you when the marriage that you'd prefer is just as arranged."
    "But I like Ranma!"
    "And Shampoo likes you.  I'm doing this for her, you see.  She's my only
great grandchild--we lost a lot of people in the Cultural Revolution.  I want
her to be well-off and happy.  And she's going to set a very good example for
the village for following customs.
    "And me?"
    "You too."
    "I'd be happier not being here."
    "We can't get everything we want.  The wedding is the day after the
fight; best wishes, great-grandson."

    The prisoners remained prisoners.  Ranma wondered, idly, if Nabiki was
in any danger back in Herb's village.  Probably not; Herb had seemed pretty
gentle with everyone considering that he was taking a hostage and sending
everyone to do his dirty work for him just because he couldn't handle girls.
What a wimp, thought Ranma.
    Ukyou came up from behind and hugged Ranma.  Ranma yelped and ran away.
"Don't do that!"
    "You can't handle girls?"
    "Ucchan, this...  this isn't really a good time and place for that."
    "It never is.  Do you like me, Ranchan?"
    "Y...  yes..."
    "How well?"
    Ranma paused.  "I've never really thought about it."
    "Well, let's find out", said Ukyou.  "After we get back, let's go on a
date.  A real date.  Okay?"
    This was comfortably far enough in the future for Ranma.  "Okay."
    Ukyou hugged Ranma again.  When Ranma reacted pretty much the same as
before, she gave up.

    They ate, then bathed privately by a waterfall--one at a time was all
their captors allowed.  Ukyou and Ryouga were each glad that they didn't have
to expose their respective secrets; Ryouga, using survival skills developed
from a lifetime of wandering, started a fire and cleaned himself with hot
water.
    The other reason the prisoners were allowed out was exercise.  For this,
their captors watched them very closely, letting them walk around and even
practice their martial arts but intervening at the first sign of an escape
attempt.  Since there wasn't a whole lot else to do in the village, especially
as watched prisoners, everyone got more martial arts practice than in a month
of Nerima life.

    Kodachi had a little more fun, thought Ranma; she was actually being
friendly to those two twin girls.  Ranma had never seen Kodachi friendly
towards anyone before.
    Ranma and Ukyou approached them.  Ukyou remarked.  "You know, you seem a
lot nicer than the other Chinese Amazons."
    "We're not Chinese Amazons!  We're from nearby Yakusai village.
    "Wow, they give villages Japanese names all the way out here in China."
mused Ukyou.  "Nice to meet you, I'm Ukyou Kuonji, and this is Ranma Saotome."
    "I'm Pink!" said the girl wearing red.
    "And I'm Link!" said the girl wearing blue.
    "Anyway", asked Ukyou, "I was just wondering what exactly happened between
you and Shampoo."
    Pink answered.  "Ten years ago, we were experimenting with a new fast-grow
mandrake root.  Well, since Shampoo was in a convenient place, I chose her as
the testing ground.  Mandrake is very dangerous--it's so poisonous that even
its shriek when cut can kill.  The experiment was a great success, and Shampoo
wasn't really even hurt--well, she was lying on the ground from the poison,
but Link _did_ eventually give her the antidote.  Shampoo attacked her for her
trouble, and ever since then, Shampoo always fights us whenever we run across
her.  What a bully!  So what makes Shampoo unhappy, makes us glad."
    "What marvelous persistence in your unhappiness!", said Kodachi.

    Ranma yawned as the stick hit her on the head.  "Wake up, Ranma.  Today is
your end."  Ranma opened her eyes to stare at the ugly visage of Shampoo's
great grandmother.  "Now, get dressed."  Ranma considered trying to escape,
as she had considered all throughout the week, but she had concluded that
fighting Shampoo would be easier than fighting twenty or thirty tribespeople
plus Shampoo's great-grandmother.
    Ranma, decked out in Amazon garb that did wonders for her figure, and
wearing Sayuri's cute charm on her belt, stood off against Shampoo, watched
by Ukyou, Ryouga, and Kodachi.
    How like the Kodachi fight, thought Ranma.  But how times change.  Now
Kodachi was in the audience, cheering for Ranma, and Ranma's enemy was a
crazed Chinese Amazon who thought she was married to Ucchan.  Ranma's skill
was much better than Shampoo's, and she'd have no problem beating Shampoo.
After all, she was _really_ a man.
    Cologne made the announcement.  "The fight between Ranma Saotome and
Shampoo will now begin.  No holds barred.  To the death of Ranma!"
    Ukyou complained.  "What about the death of Shampoo?"
    "Ranma can't win."
    "What if Ranma does win?"
    "Then we try again next week.  The law says that a tribeswoman kills an
outsider woman who defeats her in combat.  It doesn't say anything about an
outsider killing a tribeswoman if the outsider happens to win.  Do you
really think I would have this fight if there was a chance my great-
granddaughter would be killed if she loses?"
    "Hey, that's not fair!"
    "You said the same thing about the marriage, great-grandson."

    Despite all Ranma's macho self-posturing, Ranma really did have a much
better shot at winning than Shampoo.  The story is well-known, in martial
arts movies, of the weaker fighter being defeated by the evil master and going
off to train, then returning and utterly annihilating the man that once bested
him.  Since, in fact, the evil master is usually training to get better at the
same time that the good guy is, that pretty much happens only in the movies.
    Shampoo had gone off to train, to get better and defeat Ranma.  But in the
meantime, Ranma had fought a whole bunch of other martial artists, including
all three of the fellow prisoners now cheering him on from the audience.  Ranma
had gotten better, too.  Ranma ran at Shampoo, and they yelled at each other
and traded a few kicks, and then Ranma knocked her off the log as before.
Then Ranma removed the charm from her belt and flicked it at Shampoo's head
right onto the bruise made by the kick.  With the extra pain, Shampoo fell,
unconscious.
    Cologne announced "Shampoo seems to have lost.  There will be another
fight next week."

    Ukyou got up and shouted before anyone could stop her "Just one minute!
Ranchan, you're not going to fight her again next week!"
    Cologne said simply "Yes, she is."
    "Oh, really?" asked Ukyou.  "Is it always the rule that when defeated by
a girl from outside the village, the tribeswoman must kill her?"
    "I already told you that."
    "Well, meet Pink and Link."  Pink and Link stood and bowed, and Ukyou
continued.  "Pink and Link are not from this village, but from the nearby
village of Yakusai.  Ten years ago, they defeated Shampoo.  They've ran into
Shampoo a lot of times since then.  Shampoo has attacked them, true.  But she
hasn't killed them."
    She continued, "If it's a matter of honor that Shampoo kill any outsider
who defeats an Amazon, Shampoo has lost all the honor she has already by
not killing Pink and Link for *ten years*.  But if your rules aren't that
strict, then she could show a little mercy.  I don't _want_ to kill Shampoo.
But whether your law allows it or not, someday me or Ranma may have to, just
in self-defense!  Will you stop this?  Please?"
    Pink and Link applauded.
    Cologne pried the charm out of the dent on Shampoo's head, tossed it to
Ranma, and then poked Shampoo with her staff.  Shampoo awoke and began to yelp,
but went silent as soon as she saw it was her great-grandmother.  Cologne
asked "Is it true, Shampoo?  And answer in Japanese, so our guests can
understand you."  At that, Shampoo realized that she had done _something_ that
was an even bigger mistake than just underestimating that girl Ranma.
    When Shampoo stayed silent, Cologne poked her with the staff again.  "Is
it true that you were defeated by Pink and Link ten years ago and never killed
them?"
    "Shampoo not lie to great-grandmother.  Not sure if could kill innocent
children who disable Shampoo during play, so not kill.  Shampoo know that to
kill is big thing.  But marriage is big thing too and Shampoo win husband by
kill Ranma."
    Ukyou shouted "I am not something to win!"  It was bad enough that boys
thought that way, an attitude she had to put up with and smile about while
disguised, but now girls too....
    Cologne asked "Then you have an ulterior motive for wanting to kill Ranma,
not just because you were defeated?"
    "Yes, great-grandmother.  Shampoo hope for good husband and this is chance
to get.  And", she added, "Shampoo have to do anyway because fight is also for
honor after all."
    "No, it's not.  Ukyou is right.  You've avoided living up to that honor
for ten years.  I won't allow you to kill for personal gain and then use that
same honor as an excuse."
    "Great-grandmother cannot stop Shampoo, because Shampoo have right by
tradition."
    "Would you like me to get you kicked out of the tribe?  If you're not a
member, you wouldn't have any right to kill Ranma."
    Shampoo nodded sadly.  "Shampoo will not kill, then.  And Shampoo see that
Shampoo defeated by husband in Amazon Law too.  Husband Ukyou is much like
Amazon woman."

    Cologne called Ryouga and Kodachi out of the audience and told everyone
"Ranma, Kodachi, Ryouga, you can go now.  We have no reason to keep you here."
One person was conspicuously missing from Cologne's list.  Cologne continued.
"Ukyou, when your fiancee leaves, you'll marry Shampoo."

    Ranma looked to Ukyou, who gazed back at her.  Then they nodded to each
other, and leaped at Cologne.  She easily dodged, and Ranma and Ukyou landed
on the other side.
    Cologne prepared an attack, a special one that would render everyone
helpless, but Ranma raised her hand.  "Wait!"
    "What is it?" answered the withered woman.
    "What if we introduced you to some other people who could be husbands for
the Amazons?"
    "There are few men who can defeat the best Amazon warriors.  And Shampoo
would not be required to pick the second one if somehow she were defeated a
second time."
    "But it's a possibility!  There must be someone who Shampoo could get along
with better."
    "Very well.  I'll listen."
    "Have you heard of the Musk Dynasty?"
    "The Musk Dynasty?  I thought that was destroyed long ago!  A fierce
all-male band of martial artists who have nonhuman powers because their
ancestors bred with transformed animals using the magic of Jyusenkyou...."
    So that explains their strength, though Ranma.  Still, they didn't seem
_that_ fierce, having to take hostages when they couldn't defeat someone
fairly.
    "If you want to arrange a tournament", said Ranma, "I'll bring them your
message.  But you have to let all of us go free.  None of this take one person
as hostage and forced marriage stuff."
    Cologne considered it.  It would help the tribe, and if Shampoo didn't
end up marrying one of the Musk Dynasty, she could always take Shampoo to
Japan to chase after Ranma.  "I'm sure the elders would agree to that."
Cologne looked around to the rest of the elders, quite old but none as old as
her.  Each one nodded, except for the last, who seemed about to disagree.
Cologne gave her a warning glance, and she nodded too.

    The trip back took another day and a half.  Pink and Link followed behind
for most of the trip, while Kodachi gladly explained gaseous poisons and food
poisons to Pink and Link, who returned the favor by telling her things about
plants that she had never known before.
    "Kodachi..." said Ryouga.
    "I promised not to use them on you.  Not to not use them at all.  I have
had precious little chance to train when we were held in that awful village,
and I must learn the skills of my art, just as you would of yours!"

    "Well, we did it", Ranma told Herb.  "The tournament is next Wednesday.
If your tribe members can defeat a Nyuuchezuu girl warrior each, they'll get
their wives.  Once you release Nabiki and tell me how to get the Dragon's
Hair, I'll send your acceptance back."
    Herb's friends in the animal-theme costumes said "Women.  We'll get to
see women!  We can fight for women!"  Herb hushed them and told Ranma that
he'd fulfill his promise after the tournament.
    Odd, thought Ranma.  It's as if he was stalling for some reason.  But
Ranma really didn't have any choice....

    Shampoo did not get beaten in the tournament.  In fact, she wasn't even at
the tournament.  All anyone would say was that she was off training.  But
otherwise it was a smashing success both literally and figuratively, with
Herb's partners, named Lime and Mint, each managing to defeat a cute Amazon
girl.  Maybe some real romance would develop from there, considering the
strange customs of both peoples.
    "So, how about that deal?" asked Ranma of Herb.
    "You've got it."  Herb smiled a bit.
    "Just hold it right there.  If you're going to cheat me...."
    "I'm not going to cheat you.  You see, I'm the descendant of dragons.
Look at my eyes."  He shoved his head near Ranma's face, and when Ranma looked
close she could see that their pupils were slitted, like a reptile's.
    Herb plucked several hairs from his own head, tied Ranma's pigtail with
one, and handed the rest to Ranma in a small envelope.  "Since I'm not a full
dragon, these won't be permanent.  But you should have plenty to use until the
effect of that soup you drank wears off.  Oh, and don't try to make more soup
with them.  It won't work."
    "By the way, what was that technique you used on me when we met?  Could you
teach it to me?"
    "Oh, I don't think so.  Only a very few people not of the line of the
dragon could learn these techniques, and they must have a true dragon-like
spirit.  I'm afraid you don't qualify, Ranma."
    "Hmph.  Well, there's one last thing.  I'm waiting, Herb."
    "Right."  Herb shouted towards some men in armor.  "Guards.  Bring Nabiki!"
    Nabiki looked a little worn out, but was wearing clean clothes and didn't
appear starved or mistreated.  As soon as Nabiki was back, Ranma began to crack
her knuckles.  "Now that everything's settled...  you're going to get it."
Several Amazons even cheered Ranma on, in their belief that Ranma was a strong
female warrior (which he was at the time).
    "Wait."  It was Nabiki.  "Ranma, he's really a well-meaning person."
    "But he _kidnapped_ you.  Don't you want me to beat him up for you?"
    "Really, Ranma, I'm touched by your concern.  But I'm okay."  Nabiki
lowered her voice.  "By the way, don't you think it would be pretty bad if you
did that and Herb told everyone here that you're really a guy?  And maybe you
should test those hairs in private somewhere instead of getting home and then
finding out they're fake...."
    "Don't tell me you've secretly fallen in love with Herb."
    "Perish the thought.  It's a business relationship, even if not a
completely balanced one."

    The hairs weren't fake.  The long trip back to Beijing went uneventfully;
everyone's quota of interesting events for the trip had long since been
exceeded.  On the plane, a hijacker did try forcing the pilot to fly to North
Korea, but Kodachi knocked him out with a bouquet of black roses, and added his
cargo to her own personal explosives collection.

    Back at home, Ranma had finally returned to male, and was punching walls
in joy.
    Ukyou asked him "Ranchan?  How does it feel to be a girl for all that
time?"
    "Ucchan, will you _stop_ bugging me about..."  Ranma took a look at Ukyou's
face and realized that getting him mad wasn't her intention.  "I'm sorry,
Ucchan.  Didn't mean to shout at you.  Well, it was...  tolerable.  Maybe
boys and girls aren't really that different, inside."
    "You don't think there's any difference between me and a boy?"
    "Uh, no, no, Ukyou.  I mean no, that's not it, not no there's no
difference.  You're cute!"
    "Really?  I'm so glad you think that!  When can we have our date, Ranchan?"
    "Our what?"
    "Don't you remember?"
    "Oh, okay.  Why don't we go to a Chinese restaurant?"
    Ranma never saw what hit him before the okonomiyaki dough covered his
face.