On Sun, 15 Dec 1996 00:46:29 -0600 (CST), Numbski wrote:

Akane was bushed.  She had just finished training with her father out in
the dojo, and he hadn't gone all that easy on her.  She wanted so much to
just crash on her bed and let unconscienceness take over.  But she weighed

unconsciousness

out the fact that she was sticky and smelled and decided it was time to

I think "was sticky and smelly" or maybe "was sticky, and she
smelled," would work better.

take a bath, and then go to bed.

She closed her eyes and drifted off into a daydream.  She remembered the
kiss.  She didn't know when it happened, or how, but it had.  She loved

when it had happened,

"I just don't think it's right to sleep with a dirty little pig."  P-chan
had had enough of this.  He stood up on all fours and darted right at
Ranma's head.  Ranma caught P-chan and slammed him to the floor. (Keep in
mind Ranma is still hanging upside-down outside the window)

The parenthetical remark kind of breaks the flow. Why not just
"slammed him to the floor, all the while still hanging upside-down
outside the window" or something like that.

The little black piglet feigned agreement by relaxing it's body, but then
the piglet's body began to swell.  It got larger and began to change

Another dream. Ryouga's again? Or is Akane starting to subconsciously
put the pieces together? We'll see...

color.  Akane snapped back awake as she felt this occuring.  When she

occurring

He sat up and began moving toward Akane who was out of bed by this time
moving away from him.  She was scared to death, but couldn't find it in
her to scream.  Ryouga rushed her.  She made the resolution in her mind to
dodge, but her body didn't concur.  She stood there frozen. as Ryouga
began to force himself upon her. She began kicking and pounding upon
Ryouga but he wouldn't give.  He had managed to get her shirt off  and was
now bleeding profusely out the nose, uninduced from the beating he was
recieving.  He moved on and was now trying to force himself into lower

receiving

"Doctor, the patient isn't responding at all.  She's been unconscience

unconscious

since the accident, and now she's gone into seizures."  The nurse seemed
very worried as she looked at the young girl that was in the hospital bed.

The doctor went over and placed his stethoscope on the girl's chest to
check her heart rate while some nurses restrained her arms and legs.  He
then made some adjustments to the amount of medication the girl was
recieving through her IV.  Just as he got up to say something one of her

receiving

arms got free and a mallet formed in her hand.  The girl screamed as the
mallet came crashing down on the doctor's head.

"RANMA!!!"

Nerima is an unfortunate place to be an innocent bystander.

*******

That's all I have of part 2.  C&C is very welcome.  That means spelling
and plot points.  I also don't know whether to classify this as "LEMON" or
not.

I wouldn't. To quote Richard Lawson, "A lemon is sex with maybe a
little story wrapped around it".

 I'd like some feedback 

Very good, none of the confusion of the draft of your first part. The
whole thing was completely clear by the end. I look forward to reading
more.

Gary

Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, Home page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe
My fanfics and the FFML map are on my comics/manga page,
       http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics