On Fri, 6 Dec 1996, Richard Lawson wrote:
: Oooooooookay.
:
: I've been dropping hints (for anyone who's cared to pick them up) about
: my sequel to "Thy Inward Love". Well, here it is. "Magic"
: It's not finished.
[yackity yackity yack]
: TIL was written in a three-week frenzy. "Magic" is, so far, the work of
: several months. That doesn't necessarily mean it's better;
[blah blah blah]
: "Magic" is very different from TIL. It's one long story, unlike the
: episodic nature of TIL.
[and still more blah]
: "Magic" assumes that you've read "Thy Inward Love" and all of its
: prequels, side stories, and aftermaths.
[wake me up when he's done]
: This may look familiar. Large parts of this first part were accidently
: posted to the FFML some weeks ago.
Ah, yes, I remember that! I refrained from commenting, since you
told us to forget it, but I liked it a lot.
: Let me have it. I really want to know what you think. Not a lot to go
: on in the beginning, but a couple of things I'd like to know:
[lots more of ye olde blah]
: Dang, I like to ramble. Let's just get down to it.
[huh, whut? Yaaawn! Is it beginning finally?]
Jeezus, Richard. You really gotta cut down these long-winded,
apologetic intros. Authors notes belong at the *end*, so as not
to influence the readers opinion unduly.
You could get the impression that the intro is longer than the
fic. If you go on like this, you should rename the fic _Magic,
the Dithering_.
: The images of his friends dying, though, were burned too brightly into his
: mind. He was alive only because he could run faster and farther than... than
: whatever that thing was. And because he had left some of his friends to die.
Oh man.
: "Leave, Nate!" Karen was lying on the ground, gasping in huge breaths. She
: had to yell to be heard over George's screams. "I'm done, I can't go any
: farther. Get to the station, let them know what's happened!" She stared into
: his eyes, her fear giving way to resignation. "Do it!"
Urk. Richard...
: It was that thing. The funny thing was, the thing looked remarkably like a
: young college student. She was dressed in normal outdoor gear, and he could
: easily have imagined her with his hiking buddies. However, her eyes were
: opened wide, the pupils huge. A pink froth dribbled down her chin. It looked
: as if she had been pushing herself well beyond the limits of her body to
: keep up with him. She ran stiffly towards him.
: He felt something draining from him. Something he didn't know he possessed.
: Whatever it was, he needed it. He screamed as it was ripped from him. He
: wanted to live, he wanted to die so that he'd stop feeling the pain.
Ah, of course. It's miss hinako, turned to the dark side of the
Force. She grew up, so that her child form now looks like a young
woman, and has turned into a ki vampire who sucks the life force
right out of people. :)
Seriously, Richard, this was terrifying, which is apparently what
you intended. Do Nate's last thoughts mean what I think they
mean, i.e. that he is losing all of his, um, self-esteem, for want
of a better word (limited vocabulary, y'know?), as an effect of
being drained of some kind of spiritual energy? Probably the
stuff that the Mouko Takabisha is made of.
: Magic
:
: by Richard Lawson
It has a gripping start, to be sure.
: Miyagi-sama would be able to get this to work, Nouma thought to himself.
: I should be able to as well. An idea sparked the fires in his brain; maybe
: there was a way to share the computations. If the CPU could process two or
: more requests for computations simultaneously, perhaps with a multi-variable
: equation, then each section of code could examine the output and grab the bits
: relevant to their respective requests. If it worked, Nouma could cut the CPU
: requests by 25%, maybe even 40%. An algorithm sprung to mind; if he could
: take the derivative....
I *like* this. This is what I wanna do when I grow up - if that
ever happens, of course.
: Nouma's eyebrows rose. What did the CEO want with him? Nouma grimaced; he
: could guess.
Again with the "nameless" CEO? :)
Gee, I *wonder* which well known character it could be *this*
time...
: "Yes, Aunt Nabiki." Nouma made his way past the stricken Nakimura and into
: the elevator.
:)
: They entered the restaurant. Ranko was already seated at a booth, and she
: waved enthusiastically at them. Nouma always had the same reaction to Ranko.
: She reminded him so much of his father's female half, except Ranko had black
: hair.
Which means, of course, that she looks *exactly* like him, since
Ranma's female form *has black hair*! :PPPPPPPPP
: Nouma bit into his hamburger while studying Nabiki. She still wore the same
: haircut he had seen in her high school pictures. She was almost as slim, and
: her features looked almost the same, if a little worn. Her hair had no
: gray in it, but Nouma was almost certain she dyed it. He didn't begrudge her
: the vanity; she did have an image to maintain as the Chief Executive Officer
: of Tendo Investment Enterprises.
I dunno. I heard that Asians have a tendency to go gray later
than Caucasians. On the other hand, I *also* heard the mood was
made of cream cheese and the earth is flat.
: Nabiki snorted softly. "I don't see why. Your mother always got along much
: better with Akane and Kasumi. She and I hardly ever spoke."
Probably echoes from the _Thy Outward Part_ universe. :)
: She leaned forward to look Nouma in the eye. "Will you be coming to the dojo
: tonight?"
:
: Nouma kept himself from grimacing; how had Nabiki known that he was considering
: not attending? A satisfied look came into Nabiki's eyes; he knew that she had
: seen in his eyes that she had guessed correctly about his reservations. He
: allowed admiration for her abilities to read his thoughts to show. She smiled
: ever so slightly, amused but also letting him know that she was serious about
: making him attend. Nouma quirked a corner of his mouth; he didn't want to go,
: but he couldn't refuse both his father and Aunt Nabiki when they both applied
: pressure to him. Nabiki's smiled widened, relieved and gratified that he
: understood.
:
: This ability to converse without words was something he could only do with
: Nabiki.
This was utterly great. I *so* love Nabiki, and this was a
marvellous scene for her and Nouma.
: Ranko smiled at him coyly. "And who's your favorite aunt?"
:
: Nouma blinked at her in mock surprise. "You mean you don't know?" He smiled
: innocently at her. "Aunt Kodachi, of course."
:
: Ranko growled and threw a packet of salt at him. Nouma laughed. Ranko was so
: light and playful; he couldn't spend any time in her presence without cheering
: up. She reminded Nouma of Aunt Kasumi and Grandmother in that respect, except
: that Ranko had a lot more energy and wasn't above being malicious in her play.
She's younger than him, isn't she? If you count _The Missing
Ingredient_, then he was born while Nodoka was still pregnant with
her. Doesn't make such a big difference, though.
: To his surprise, he was able to walk to the front door unchallenged. He sighed
: in relief; maybe the days of those challenges were past. He opened the front
: door.
:
: Something shot out of it. It hit him squarely in the chest, and he flew
: backwards. He landed in the yard, with a teenage girl astride his chest, her
: hands pressing his shoulders to the ground.
:
: She smiled wickedly at him. "You've gone soft, Brother."
:) I like this. Mikanma's cool, but I dunno about her name - it
doesn't really sound like a girl's name. I'm no authority on
Japanese names, so please someone tell me if "Mikanma" is OK for a
girl.
: Nouma tried to catch his breath while studying Mikanma. Everyone said that
: her face looked remarkably like their mother's at the same age, except for the
: piercing blue eyes. Her build was much like their father's: slim and athletic.
: She wore her black hair in the same pigtail Father had worn at her age,
: and had even taken to wearing the same Chinese silk shirts he had favored,
: orange instead of red.
Well... The people in the manga don't really differ that much in
their faces - they just have different hairstyles and clothes. :)
: Mikanma was leaning against the door, smiling at him. "Pop is going to eat you
: alive. I told you that computers don't make good sparring partners."
Hah, but they can get *real* nasty, when cornered, I can tell you.
: Akane smiled. "Good for her. I'm glad she keeps her eye on you as well as
: her own children."
O-*hoh*. I hope we'll get to see something of them. Soon.
BTW, it's good to see that Akane hasn't evolved into a kind of
_TIL_ Nodoka over time. It seemed so for a moment, when she
scolded Mikanma, but she proved otherwise, right afterwards.
: Father was in the center of the dojo, sitting cross-legged and meditating.
: Nouma watched him from the edge of the dojo. The remarkable thing about
: Ranma was that he seemed to have stepped out of time. He looked to be in
: his early twenties.
: People had been striving for explanations for years. The fact that he was a
: martial artist who kept in top physical form seemed to be an obvious answer.
: It was while he had been sharing these observations with Aunt Kodachi that she
: had provided an alternative explanation. "If I recall the story your father
: told me, the Guide told Ranma that whoever fell into that pool took the body
: of a young girl. Right?"
: She had continued in that lecturing tone she used when leading Nouma in a
: logic exercise. "Notice that he said 'young girl'. Not 'girl' or simply
: 'woman'. He implied that there was an age factor. It would be logical to
: assume that being young is as important to the curse as being female."
Um, well, this is probably going to become a major point, so I am
uncomfortable about saying this, but.... the girl part exists only
in the english translation, and the adjective "young" doesn't come
into it at all. I am not 100% sure whether the "Nyan" part means
woman or girl, but judging from the kanji used for it, I would say
not. The kanji used in the Manga just means female/woman.
Anyone with more information?
: Fights with his father never went the same way twice. Ranma had so many moves
: and tactics in his repertoire that he was utterly unpredictable. This time,
: he leapt straight at Nouma, his fist pointed directly at Nouma's head.
The fight works pretty well for me. It flows and conveys a good
sense of action and dynamics.
: Nouma used his legs to put a scissors hold on Ranma's stomach, at the same
: time trying to give him an uppercut to the jaw. Father pulled his head back,
: grabbed Nouma's shirt, and quickly rolled, slamming Ranma to the mat. The
: jarring blow caused Nouma to loosen his scissors hold ever so slightly, but
: enough so that Ranma broke free of it and sprang to his feet.
This paragraph is a little off. First of all, the "Father", which
would be Nouma's perspective, while the rest of the passage is in
omniscient third person mode. Also, he slammed "Ranma" into the
mat, i.e. himself? And the blow was jarring to Nouma? That last
one, I can understand, since Nouma has Ranma in a lock, but it's
still a little confusing, when coupled with the sentence
immediately before.
: "You're not as bad as I thought you'd be, Son."
:
: Nouma leaned against the wall. "High praise from you, Father."
Turning into some kind of Genma, I see. :)
: Nouma smiled himself. Growing up, he'd always had fun listening to the way
: Uncle Tatewaki talked. He'd begun to imitate it as he got older.
Urk.
It is a fate to be avoided at all cost,
to sound like Kunou Tatewaki does.
: Ranma drew a breath, then looked at Nouma with a completely serious look on
: his face. "OK, here it is. I want you to follow in my footsteps."
: "You're also very smart. Smarter then me or your mother.
"than"
: Ranma examined his face carefully. He spoke one more sentence, slowly.
: "It was always my intention that your sister inherit the dojo."
:
: Nouma blinked; if that was the case, where was all of this leading to?
:
: It came to him in a flash. Something akin to horror washed over him. "No."
: Ranma shook his head. "Don't get mad, please. We'll talk some more about
: it after the meeting."
:
: "No!" Nouma was trembling in anger and shock. "What're you gonna do, take
: me to China and dump me into a pool at random?"
Oh *man*. "Follow in his footsteps", indeed. I wonder what Ranma
is thinking. How does he suppose Nouma is to "inherit" his, well,
position in the scheme of things. He says he doesn't mean to
curse him, but what else does he have in mind?
In other words: Get out the next part, Richard. Or else.
: Nouma knew the answer to that. Ranma took his duty as protector of the world
: and savior of lost causes very seriously. He would consider it a tremendous
: stain on his honor to forsake that duty without appointing a successor.
: Nouma closed his eyes. He strongly suspected that whatever was about to
: happen, the quiet, peaceful, happy life he had known recently was going to
: vanish forever. He silently watched it begin to slip away, and mourned its
: passing.
An interesting dilemma. I hope it gets solved without leaving
someone standing in the rain. But then, this is a Lawson fic, and
if you can say one thing about Richards fics, it is that they all
have tidy resolutions. :) (I would have said "positive", if not
for _Appearances_)
Sebastian