THE RECENT PAST: Togenkyou Island
Sunsets on the isle of Togenkyou were beautiful. The way that it cast
a certain soft light on everything was just extremely romantic, really.
This was why the all-male population of the isle was driven nearly to
insanity, since there were no women on the isle to share such an event
with, and hence kidnapp women from nearby islands, like they had just
recently had kidnapped Akane.
"YAAAAAAAH! GET AWAY!"
Ukyou watched with mild interest as Ranma was chased by Neko-Shampoo,
who was being chased by Akane. They seemed to have recovered from the
ordeal just fine, and now that they were on friendly terms with the prince
of the island, it had become a dream vacation.
"Shampoo! Come back Shampoo!" Mousse yelled. "Don't you see that it
is I that loves you? Shampoo!"
Ukyou sighed. Not exactly the best way to spend a beautiful sunset,
and she was hoping to share it with Ranma, but she was in no mood today to
step back into the vicious circle.
That's what it seemed to be for her, a vicious circle, an annoying and
unbreakable pattern of her, Shampoo, Kodachi, and sometimes even Akane
chasing after Ranma, while Mousse, Ryouga, and Kuno were out to pulverize
him.
They were on an island, they were _stuck_ there until they reached
Japan, and there would probbably be no progress made on anyone's part as
far as winning Ranma's heart over. So, just for today, she thought, why
bother?
"RANMA, I'LL KILL YOU!!!" roared Ryouga as he blazed past.
In the wrong direction.
Ukyou laughed a little at that. The moron was always good for a laugh
or two. As she watched the figures become small specks on the beach, she
sighed once more. Okay, she thought to herself, five more minutes and
then I go in there and save Ranchan's butt. She couldn't help it, it
seemed. Some habits were hard to break.
"Some things _never_ change."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blank Screen. queue title:
----------------------------
*M productions presents....*
----------------------------
[show flash clips of Ranma, Mousse, Ryouga, Kunou, Kodachi, Ukyou, and
Shampoo as music starts fast]
Been running so long [Show Ranma and Akane running to
I've nearly lost all track of time school. They jump into the hordes
In every direction that usually attack Akane every day
I couldn't see the warning signs and start fighting.]
------------------------
*A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction*
------------------------
I must be losin' it [Show Ukyou in her guy-disguise and then
'Cuz my mind plays tricks on me in her more ladylike look]
It looked so easy [Show standard wimpy Gosunkugi standing
But you know looks sometimes deceive back-to-back with suit-clad confident
and smirking Gosunkugi twin]
--------------------------------------
*Based on stories by Rumiko Takahashi*
--------------------------------------
Been running so fast [Show Ryouga running across various
Right from the starting line locations across the world, checking
No more connections maps, asking for directions, etc...]
I don't need any more advice
One hand's just reaching out [Show all the various Jusenkyo
And one's just hangin' on cursed people (Shampoo, Ryouga, Mousse,
It seems my weaknesses Genma, Ranma, etc falling into
Just keep going strong their Jyusenkyou pools]
--------------------------------------
*RANMA 1/2: THE MORE THINGS CHANGE...*
--------------------------------------
CHORUS
Head over heels [Show Ryouga looking at a map]
Where should I go
Can't stop myself [Show Kunou hugging an angry Ranma-chan]
Outta control
Head over heels [Show Ranma & Akane about to kiss
No time to think (from the ice-skating episode) and
Looks like then notice the presence of everyone
The whole world's out of sync nearby and watching]
--------------------------
*INSERT LEGAL JARGON HERE*
--------------------------
Been running so hard [Show Ranma-chan running from Shampoo]
When what I need is to unwind
The voice of reason [Show Mousse on his knees in front of
Is one I left so far behind an angry Shampoo]
I waited so long [Show Ranma & Akane in the Romeo
So long to play this part and Juliet play]
And just remembered
That I'd forgotten about my heart
CHORUS
Head over heels [Show Ukyou next to a jukebox by a bar
Where should I go in her resteraunt. She's looking sad,
Can't stop myself which is soon seated by a happy Ranma
Outta control & Akane, then a depressed Mousse, then
Head over heels an angry Shampoo, then Kunou, and
No time to think then Kodachi.]
Looks like
The whole world's out of sync [Ryouga finally wanders in, looking
very much lost and checking a map.
He knocks over a lamp and the room
goes dark]
(The music fades as the big piano riff hits)
===========================================================================
PRELUDE:
THINGS CHANGE
===========================================================================
There exists, in the universe, an incredibly powerful force. It does
not move mountains. It does not raze the earth. It does not spawn the
seeds of creation on barren rocks. It does nudge people down certain
paths without them even aware of it's influence. There are a select few
that take this force seriously but even they just shrug their shoulders
and stand aside as it twists the universe in strange ways. (Well, some of
them, anyways. The cult of the Oddsmakers, the most well-known group,
live in Las Vegas, running incredibly tacky looking temples. They seem to
take a great interest in professional sports, scantily clad dancers, neon,
and Elvis.) It's that kind of a force.
It is called Normality.
The most commonly known effect is the fact that there will always be
death and taxes in this world. Always. It's not very complicated,
really. Normality is aided by human nature, and is in fact, shaped by it.
If something persists long enough, like plants dying in a certain
geographical area, mysterious disappearances in a certain region, or the
Chicago Cubs never winning a baseball championship, it begins to move
forward through time much like a boulder moves downhill. Pretty soon,
that boulder gets plenty of momentum and it becomes the natural state of
that boulder. It's already rolling around nicely, so why stop it?
The force of Normality isn't unshakable. There always exists the
possibility that the Cubs might win a championship one of these years, but
the force makes it very bloody unlikely that they'll win it too many
times, if at all.
In Tokyo, Japan, there has been a template of Normality installed and
enforced after many years of human nature carving it out. Basically, it's
like this: There's going to be a boy, a girl, and an absurd number of
other girls. All the girls will pursue the boy, except one which will be
fairly reluctant to even acknowledge that she cares about him. The boy
will be attracted to this one girl that happens to chase him the least.
This sort of thing has happened consistently in the history of Tokyo. From
the dawn of civilization, a primitive man ran hectically across the plains
as a small army of women stormed after him. A samurai met a humble farmer
and his seven daughters. A prince ran for cover as he discovers that his
twelve mistresses arrived in the same room waiting to surprise him for his
birthday but instead were surprised when they found out that they were all
promised marriage to the prince. The list goes on.
Have you ever heard of the saying "The more things change, the more
they stay the same"? That is very much correct.
However, lately, Normality has been suppressed. The boulder has met
some rather flat geography. For the longest time Tokyo has lacked such a
fiery romance as the ones of its past. Things were calm in the city. Too
calm.
When Normality gets suppressed, it builds up like water in a dam. Or
in this case, maybe a flow of boulders in a dam. Whatever. The point is
that when it finally gets released, it flows steadily and rather
viciously, with alot of destruction, mayhem, and loud noise. Recently,
the Normality had been restored thanks to a foolish martial arts master
and his son. However, the hold that Normality had on this situation was
weakening and it needed somebody else to get shoved into the situation.
Normality isn't picky. It doesn't care WHO is stuck with the job as
long as SOMEBODY is stuck with the job.
*
The Tendou household was peaceful. Everybody was out doing something:
Nabiki garnering funds from Kunou, Ranma being chased out in the streets
by Akane, Soun and Genma out to the hardware store to buy reinforcements
for the dojo, and Kasumi was cleaning up the kitchen.
In the living room, Kasumi's dinner was set on the table. Someone
crept in unseen, stood over the table, performed some unseen task, and
left silently.
***
Shampoo bicycled along the walls and rooftops of Nerima, bowl of
mind-altering-drug-spiced ramen in hand. She was happy. She thought
Ranma is finally going to take her on a date today.
With mind-boggling accuracy, she rocketed her bicycle off a roof and
into the Tendou's dining room.
She finally brought the bike to a stop and looked around... and noticed
exactly what Ranma was doing.
She screamed.
***
High above Nerima, Ryouga ran. Eyes full of tears, fists clenched, and
a pained expression on his face.
Akane was several blocks behind, calling out to Ryouga and wondering
why he was running and who he was running from. She couldn't keep up to
his pace and soon lost track of him.
Ryouga finally ran out of steam. He fell to his knees and started
punching the pavement in frustration.
Someone walked up to him, Ukyou Kuonji. Ryouga, by chance, had stopped
near her store. She asked him what was wrong. He turned away from her,
fists clenched. Then he told her.
She looked stunned, walked back to her store, shut the door, and hung
up the "We're Closed" sign.
Nearby, a Turn Right sign suddenly jumped around as if it was
incredibly happy. It bounded into the store.
It flew out much faster, followed by a flurry of small, very sharp
throwing spatulas.
***
The Kunou family ninja Sasuke bounded into the Kunou residence. He
raced into the room of Tatewaki Kunou. Nearby, Kodachi eavesdropped on
the conversation.
Sasuke bowed before Kuno, and spoke.
Something rare happened.
Tatewaki Kunou was angered beyond speech. He opened and closed his
mouth like a goldfish and rattled his bokken.
Elsewhere, an enraged Kodachi raced into the night, armed with her
ribbon and a large metal mallet.
***
Nowhere...
Entities were swirling in a place not quite existing, debating and
arguing amongst themselves.
I SENSE THE POTENTIAL IN HIM.
YES, THE TIME OF HIS DECISION IS NEAR.
THIS IS THE NEXT GREAT MAGE?
SO FAR HIS LIFE HAS NOT BEEN MUCH, HAS IT?
WHAT IF HE GOES MAD? THE CONSEQUENCES COULD BE DISASTEROUS.
EVERY GREAT MAGE GOES THROUGH GROWING PAINS.
HE IS NOT VERY STABLE.
HE HAS BEEN TRYING FOR SO LONG, HAS HE NOT?
YES, BUT HE SEEMS TO BE STUCK ON PAPER DOLLS...
Why are we talking like this?
LIKE HOW?
LIKE THIS.
I... HAVE NO IDEA.
***
The titanic Dojo Destroyer had finally found a part of a little known
but very much feared school of martial arts. This, he felt, would be his
first step in recovering from that disaster in the Tendou Dojo, where he
first met defeat. He was depressed for months, until finally he dedicated
himself once more to training and had sought out a suitable challenge. He
stood in the dojo, examining his opponent. His adversary was young,
arrogant, and overdressed. The Dojo Destroyer would have fun crushing
this one.
"Are you ready?" the Dojo Destroyer rumbled.
"Sure." The young man grinned.
One minute later the young man was standing confidently, untouched,
while the Dojo Destroyer was out cold, a scar burned across his chest.
The young man turned his back to the destroyed Destroyer, sneering.
"Next."
===============END PRELUDES===============
"The hardest thing in life to learn is
which bridge to cross and which to burn."
- anonymous
=========================================================
PART I
It's The End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine)
=========================================================
[Evening, September]
The sun set on another dull Nerima day. Through tired eyes, a sad
figure in a restaurant watched the setting sun, relieved another day was
over and wondering how many more he could take.
The grim demeanor he cast today was the aftereffects of one of the most
unexpected and traumatic events of his life. It had been a couple of
months since his life went to hell, and yet he still hurt as if it was
just yesterday. He closed his eyes, and hoped that maybe he could pass
through some more hours unconsciously. Soon enough, he'd achieved his
goal.
"Hey... Ryouga... you awake?"
Ryouga snored, asleep, and drowned in his own personal hell of memories
of past events.
--------
He stepped out of the house accidentally one day while looking for
the bathroom and when he managed to get back to the dojo (a week later)
Akane herself dropped the bomb on him.
She greeted him with a warm hug. How could he have known anything bad
would happen after a warm hug?
"Hey, Ryouga!" she said, "where've you been? I missed you!"
Ryouga was beyond stunned and suddenly high on Bliss.
"Well, I, um, was in some place... aheh... lots of sand..."
"I really wanted you to be here," she said. Ryouga's mind was tripping
out with Happiness. He might have achieved Terminal Nirvana if she didn't
stop with the affection.
"Oh, Akane... I..."
"You'll never guess what happened!"
"Ah... Mr. Tendou won the lottery?"
"Nope."
"Ranma finally left?"
"Guess again."
"Happosai died?"
"Wrong again! I'm getting married!"
"Wha... er... I mean, WHAT?!"
"Me and Ranma! We finally decided to go through with the engagement!"
"RANMA?!?" Ryouga went cold. "Why- how- when did you two..?"
"Surprised?" She asked.
Surprise would be an understatement. He was in shock. The high
dosages of Bliss were soon replaced with lethal doses of Angst. He
proceeded to stand there as Akane went into detail on the day that Ranma
officially proposed to her, and how they celebrated the event happily, and
how they decided they were going to be married after they finished high
school, and how Mr. Tendou and Mr. Saotome had quickly thrown out a
surprised Shampoo. She didn't notice Ryouga flinching every now and then
after one of her happy giggles and sighs.
"Akane," Ryouga asked, looking serious, taking her hand, "t-tell me,
are you happy? With Ranma, I mean."
Quietly, she replied, "Yeah, I really am. I didn't think we'd even get
to this point, but I... I love him"
"You didn't eat any weird spices, did you? Get hit on the head?"
"No, silly! I really want to do this."
"And... um... there's .... nobody else you... you...ever..."
"Huh?"
"Never mind." Ryouga sighed, put on his best I'm-happy-for-you face,
and looked at Akane. "Er... congratulations Akane, I'm happy for you..."
Akane gave another big hug, which didn't help Ryouga's mental state at
all.
With Ranma as his main competition for Akane's heart, Ryouga felt he
was sure to win. After all, Ranma treated her badly all the time and
Ryouga always was so nice to her. He just couldn't imagine Ranma winning
this race.
But he did.
"Thanks Ryouga, that means a lot to me."
"Let me go c-congratulate the Groom." He stepped out of the embrace.
"Where is R-Ranma?"
"He's out getting something for Kasumi. Are you okay? You look a bit
pale."
"I..I'll just g-go look for him. See you later, Akane."
Ryouga ran out, wandering the city.
--------
Ryouga went back one more time. He just had to know. He had to make
sure she was _really_ alright. Maybe she was being forced to act this way
by Ranma, maybe she accidentally ate Shampoo's mind-altering ramen, maybe
she got possessed by a spirit or something. Weird things happened in
Nerima.
He hid near the Tendou Dojo, waiting for Ranma to show up.
Ranma walked down the street whistling a happy tune, his defenses
clearly lowered alot (which was very unusual for Ranma).
Ryouga sprang up, surprised Ranma, and grabbed him by the neck.
"Damn you, Saotome."
"R*ack*Ryouga, I see *wheeze* you've heard the *ack* news."
Ryouga looked straight into Ranma's eyes. "Dammit, no lies now. Did
she REALLY say yes?"
*ack* "Yes."
Ryouga loosened his grip. "She didn't eat a spiced Shampoo dish meant
for you?"
"No."
"She isn't possessed by a spirit again, is she?"
"No!"
They stood there, frozen. Actually, Ryouga was standing there frozen,
Ranma was being held by the neck so he couldn't move much anyways.
"Do you _really_ love her?"
"Yes!"
Ryouga started to glow with ki-power surrounding him.
Nobody moved. Time slowed down. Ryouga cast an angry glare.
"Get this straight," he said, "take good care of her, alright? If you
EVER hurt her," he closed his eyes, "I'LL KILL YOU!" he yelled, flinging
Ranma over the fence and into the Tendou pond.
Damn him, Ryouga thought bitterly.
The days following this traumatic event had Ryouga reeling. He was not
only lost in location but in mind. He wandered aimlessly. There were
several times when he saw _her_. Or he thought he saw _her_. Ryouga's
heart couldn't take it and so, whenever he even thought she was nearby,
Ryouga ran away as fast as he could. He didn't have much left in the
world to look forward to.
Ryouga still had that old grudge against Ranma to settle, but killing
him might break Akane's heart. No matter what, Ryouga valued her
happiness.
He lost his love, a bright angel in his otherwise miserable life. She
was his only source of hope and happiness.
He lost his honorable duel, which fueled him through thousands of miles
on foot, across land and sea. The thirst for revenge gave him a purpose
in life, an honorable and noble quest.
Nobody to love, nobody to kill, he'd lost everything.
Life sucked.
--------
"'Scuse me, earth to Ryouga!!! He-LLOOO?"
He tried not to think about it, really he did. Thinking about the
whole situation was hazardous.
The two hazardous things about Ryouga Hibiki are his talent and his
state of mind.
His talent was the ability to release an incredibly powerful blast of
ki. Unlike other martial artists who focus their ki by mere concentration
or a mantra, his ki was generated by depression.
Ryouga's state of mind WAS depression. He was depressed during roughly
70% of his day, and 80% of his nights. It was really amazing that Ryouga
grew up to be so healthy and strong instead of... for example... like
Gosunkugi. Whenever ESPers passed by the Nerima district or Ryouga
wandered near them, they felt suddenly suicidal.
That's how depressed Ryouga was on an average day.
Deep in sleep, he growled. He saw the images of the past few weeks
before him. He envisioned Ranma, happy and triumphant before him, just
too damn arrogant, gloating over his countless victories over Ryouga. The
kind of guy Ryouga'd love to blast to hell. In a low voice, he rumbled
"shishi houkou-"
*WHAM* "HEY!!!" SNAP OUT OF IT!!!"
Ryouga, head flattened by a titanic spatula, woke up. "What?"
"Ryouga, buddy, snap out of it! You were gonna blow up the
restaurant!!!!"
"Ukyou, give me a break. I haven't blasted anything since last week."
"Ryouga... you can see me, right?"
"Clearly, yeah."
"The sun set a few minutes ago."
"So..." Ryouga wondered what her problem was. Ukyou was getting
overly-eager to use that spatula lately.
"Is the room dark?"
"No... wait a minute, why aren't the lightbulbs on?"
"Ryouga, look at yourself!"
"Oh... am I flaring up again? Excuse me a moment, I'll be outside."
Ukyou Kuonji watched as Ryouga walked, in a manner not unlike a zombie,
out the door and ki-blasted his depression into the sky. "That idiot.
Why do I put up with him?"
Several dazed birds suddenly fell unto the roof of Ucchan's. They had
been unexpectedly shot down by a ki-blast of angst.
She sighed, watching him slouch back into the restaraunt. At times
like this she wondered why she even bothered to help him out. It was a
while back, a little after she found out that Ranma and Akane were
serious, and Ranma and her wasn't meant to be...
Ukyou walked, actually wandered around the streets of Nerima in a daze.
{Ranchan, why? Why not me? I thought... I....!}
It had been several days since Ranma made his announcement, officially
becoming an item with Akane and declaring all his other engagements void.
{Why....}
She cried, of course. She didn't like doing that. It made her feel
weak, and that was another thing that she didn't like.
{Damn you...}
She _begged_ him to change his mind, she yelled at him in anger for
betraying her like he had, and she walked away feeling foolish, betrayed,
and so very much alone.
So, when does the pain stop? she asked herself.
She decided to close down the shop for a couple of days. Her emotional
state was ruining her cooking technique. Staying in the house was all she
could bear to do, at first, but the depression caught up to her, and she
decided to wander.
Just wander.
No particular place in mind, really.
Maybe it would help her forget?
So, she thought, maybe this is the real reason Ryouga is lost so much?
She laughed bitterly at her own joke as she walked by shops, markets,
buisness offices, and just kept on moving. A tear formed in her eye.
Dammit, she thought, I am _not_ gonna go to pieces over a guy!
I'm not...
I'm...
"Hey, you, get a move on!"
"Go 'way."
Ukyou snapped out of her haze.
I know that voice, she thought. That's...
Nearby, in an alley, an officer was standing angrily over a ragged,
dirty, unkept, and apparently drunk Ryouga.
Oh man, she thought, he looks like a wreck! That idiot.
"Officer! I know this guy! I'll take care of it," she said, rushing
over to them.
The officer turned, examined her, and said, "you'd better get him outta
here, right now. We've been getting complaints."
"Sorry that he's a bother, sir. C'mon, Ryouga, let's go." She pulled
him to his feet, put his arm around her shoulder, and together they
staggered away.
Ryouga, not in much shape to do anything, didn't, as Ukyou helped him
stagger some blocks away. After some distance, his brain finally kicked
in and decided to find out what was going on. As far as he could tell, he
was in a commercial neighborhood, with Ukyou, helping him walk.
"Wha... Ukyou... whacha doin?"
"C'mon, stupid, let's get you cleaned up."
"Don'wanna."
"What then hell are you doing to yourself? You stupid jerk! You're
gonna get yourself in trouble."
"Shadup."
Ukyou stopped.
"_What_ did you say?"
"Go'way, dammit."
She angrily grabbed Ryouga by the collar. "LISTEN UP YOU IDIOT! IF
YOU KEEP THIS UP, I _WILL_ LEAVE YOU OUT HERE ON THE STREET TO ROT! IF IT
WEREN'T FOR THE FACT THAT WE'RE FRIENDS, I'D KICK YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW, GOT
IT? NOW STOP PUTTING UP THE ATTITUDE AND SNAP OUT OF IT!"
Ryouga blinked, then snarled. "Lis... listen up, y... you bitch..."
Ukyou's fist clenched. She started to do that blue glowing bit that
Akane did so well.
Ryouga, ignoring her flaring battle aura, continued, "I DON'T NEED YOUR
HELP! I DON'T NEED ANYBODY! GOT THAT?! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"You... you... you jackass!!!" She looked around for something to hit
Ryouga with, and picked up a nearby bucket full of water.
-clang- *SPLASH*
"Bwee!"
She blinked in surprise. "P-chan?" She picked up the squealing,
snarling piglet with the yellow bandanna. "YOU were P-chan?"
P-chan glared at her.
She started shaking, covering her mouth.
"HAAHAHAHHAHAHA! Oh, this is funny." She continued giggling, with
P-chan still held up by his bandanna. He squealed angrily and tried to
get loose.
"Say, I wonder what Akane'll think if she finds out, eh?"
"BWEEEEEEE! BWEBWEBWEBWE!"
"Calm down, I'm just joking!" She patted P-chan on the head. He
settled down, but still looked angry. "C'mon, piggie, let's get outta
here."
She couldn't wipe the smirk off her face. No wonder Ranchan kept on
calling Ryouga P-chan! Ha!
Then she remembered Ranma and her mood crashed back down. "C'mon,
pig-boy, stop squirming."
P-chan stopped struggling and settled into a piggish sort of
grumpiness.
After he sobered up, Ryouga didn't mind Ukyou's offer of help and
refuge. She was one of the few people Ryouga considered as a friend.
After all, she had helped him on several occasions to try to win over
Akane. The other "friends" of his were either people he didn't want to
come into contact with (Akane and Ranma) or were living with hazardous
people (Mousse and his situation with Shampoo and Cologne).
Ukyou set up the attic of Ucchan's to serve as a room for Ryouga, with
pig-friendly plumbing added by him. She didn't mind Ryouga's presence,
just as long as he helped out at the restaurant. Besides, she was scared
that his self-destructive habits would run wild if someone didn't watch
over him.
She was every bit as surprised as Ryouga was about Ranma's decision,
maybe even more. Before the news, she was confident that in the end,
she'd win Ranma's heart. She believed she was cuter than Akane, less
psycho than her other competitors for Ranma, could cook better than any of
them too, and knew Ranma for the longest time. She, as did the other
fiancees, put up much protest and property damage when they found out
about his decision. For the first time, Ranma actually showed a little
backbone when dealing with the female furies, which sent Kodachi and
Shampoo over the edge and into a kind of Fatal Attraction behavior. But
unlike the rest, Ukyou cared more about how Ranma felt as well, and was the
first to surrender to her loss (after much stomping around with her battle
spatula and strongly resisting the urge to begin some serious property
damage). She even sent a congratulations card.
It didn't change the fact that she was devastated. Maybe as much as
Ryouga. However, Ukyou was never one to stand still. She was determined
to get on with her life. Her personality had obtained a slightly hard
edge to it in dealing with recent events, but she felt she was dealing
with it far better than certain other girls.
--------
Chinese Amazons are a very unstable lot.
Take for example a certain purple-haired Chinese Amazon known as
Shampoo. At the moment she was behind her store, the Nekohanten, armed
with a sword and practicing on straw dummies. When she had found out that
Ranma had proposed to Akane Tendou, (Shampoo had accidentally bike-crashed
her way into the moment he was proposing to Akane.) she wasn't sad.
*slash*
She wasn't filled with angst.
*whoosh*
Oh no, not her.
*whack*
Shampoo was _mad_.
It has been said that hell hath no fury like that of a woman spurned.
Whoever coined this phrase possibly met a Chinese Amazon, and may have
even married one.
The source of her aggravation was indeed from being spurned. It had
set off a mixed set of emotions within her. Shampoo had come to actually
_hate_ Ranma. She didn't stop loving him, but she also hated him at the
same time. For a while, she had gone on a violent streak, which had done
nothing for her except earn her a court order to stay away from the Tendou
residence for a short time. In between the love and the hate, a sort of
I-don't-care-anymore mentality was growing, but not fast enough to prevent
her anger from slowly and surely heating up over time. Sooner or later it
would boil over.
--------
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, her great-grandmother Cologne was cooking
up food and contemplating her dilemma. She had to have great
granddaughter married to a strong warrior, and Ranma Saotome was the
first to be able to defeat Shampoo.
Unfortunately, Saotome had made his choice, and it wasn't Shampoo.
Furthermore, he had found a point of leverage when he discovered that
their residence in Japan was not exactly legal and angrily threatened
Cologne with deportation if she or Shampoo had put any more extreme
measures to pressure him into marrying Shampoo or made any threat on
Akane. Cologne suspected Nabiki Tendou's hand in this treachery, since
Ranma certainly was never clever enough to come up with such a plan.
However, such a threat made against her was a grievous insult, and Cologne
was beginning to resent the tremendous lack of it she had always gotten
from Ranma. Sure, he was a strong fighter, but he was too smart for his
own good sometimes.
Cologne hadn't written off the idea of ensnaring Ranma yet. She just
stopped putting pressure on him for the moment. It was time to get a
backup plan. She couldn't return to China and allow Shampoo to come home
twice in dishonor. Cologne was determined that Shampoo _would_ find a
husband in Japan before ever setting foot in China again.
--------
On the roof of the Nekohanten, Mousse was watching the stars come out.
Mousse felt like he was one lucky duck.
At last, there were no more rivals for Shampoo's heart! The only
things that stood in his way now were that old ghoul Cologne and Shampoo
herself, but that would not be enough to stop him.
Mousse stood up and rang out his new battle cry: "You will be mine,
Shampoo!!! Oh yes, You will be mine! A-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
--------
Alone in the family garden, Tatewaki Kunou stood, bokken at the ready,
practice targets around him. Kunou was one of a long line of kendo
masters, and his arrogant behavior served to remind everyone of that fact.
He had been, until a year ago, the undefeated kendo champion of Furinkan
high. Undefeated, that is, until the evil sorcerer Ranma Saotome had come
to town. Using various black arts he had thwarted Kunou on various
occasions. Kunou went to extremes in finding ways to defeat Saotome. He
had his ninja spy on the Tendou residence frequently. He had allied
himself with an incompetent mage that played with dolls too much and
wrinkled old trolls with bizarre abilities. He had even gone through an
extremely hazardous training technique which had indeed improved his
mighty skills even more but had temporarily left him with amnesia and had
permanently installed the reflex to slice nearby watermelons with blazing
speed, accuracy, and in even slices.
What would drive a man to such extremes?
Primarily, it was his extreme obsession with Akane Tendou and the
Pig-Tailed Girl. Akane was the girl whose heart he had long chased after.
Akane was like a goddess of war, strong, unconquerable, and beautiful.
The pig-tailed girl was a mysterious figure. She was to him a modern day
Venus, strong in vitality and beauty. The cur Saotome had time and again
dared to stand in Kunou's way in his quest to win the hearts of these two
women. Anyone who knew Kunou wasn't surprised that he decided to chase
them both. He was always in extremes.
Kunou was extremely enraged when he heard the news that Saotome had the
gall to claim his engagement to Akane was now official. His rather
limited reasoning capacity would not allow for the possibility of Akane
not being his. However, there was a spark of intelligence within Kunou's
mind which realized something: If Ranma was truly to dedicate himself to
Akane only, that would mean... that would mean the Pig-Tailed Girl would
now be free!!!!
More than ever before, Kunou was _extremely_ fixed on the pig-tailed
girl.
This point was emphasized by the four meter tall poster of her hanging
from his ceiling (Now that Akane's poster was down, there was more room).
The price of pig-tailed girl photos from Nabiki had tripled in price and
yet Kunou did not even raise a hint of protest. Another hint of his mania
was the twenty page love note he was in the middle of writing.
Kunou's sister, Kodachi, would normally be somewhere in the house,
cooking intentionally toxic food or scheming to assassinate Akane Tendou.
Run of the mill wicked sister stuff.
Unfortunately, she violated the court order restricting her from going
anywhere near the Saotomes or Tendous.
The phone rang. Kunou's eyes widened. "SASUKE! HALT!"
Sasuke appeared suddenly before him. "Master Kunou?"
"Don't answer the phone."
"But Master, what if it's mistress Kodachi?"
"Have you no ears, man? Do _not_ answer the phone. Do you
understand?"
"... Yes Master."
Kunou breathed a sigh of relief. The phone rang on. He'd let the
answering machine pick it up.
"//Greetings. You have indeed reached the sanctuary of the great and
noble Kunou family. Alas, we are unable to respond to your calls at the
moment, so please leave thy name, phone number, and the message which you
wish to impart upon our ears after the tone. Thank you.//"
*BEEP* "Hello? Brother dear? Sasuke? Daddy? Is anyone there?"
Kunou could have bailed her out, but why bother? It wasn't that he
wasn't close to his sister. He was, in a sense, ever since the time
their father had abandoned them both for a long vacation in Hawaii. It
was just that it had been so long since the Kunou house was so peaceful,
and Tatewaki had just discovered this _really_ good takeout restaurant.
--------
Gosunkugi hauled a big stack of books into his room and carefully
organized them. These books were at an old bookstore, one of those dusty
kinds that you only find in the out-of-the-way places. Gosunkugi had
heard of a rumor about some magical books there and so without hesitation
he tracked down the store and sure enough, there was a shelf dedicated to
magic! The owner had warned that messing with magic could be dangerous,
but Gosunkugi didn't care. After all, life was risk.
There was one book... one book that seemed to beckon to him. He heard
whispers in his head when he just looked at it.
It spooked him.
Gosunkugi wasn't one to try overwhelming projects, and _that_
particular book, he felt, was something he shouldn't mess with until he
got the thing with the paper dolls figured out properly.
He thumbed through several other books until he found an interesting
spell.
"Hm... the supernatural assassin." he mumbled. "summons a spirit to
kill the person who you wish eliminated. The summoned spirit may take on
the appearance of the summoner, but no other unusual effects known."
Gosunkugi sat there. He thought about it.
"Aw heck, why not?" he mumbled, and read the instructions. He put
several candles on his head, drew a circle on the floor, and began
chanting:
"Forces of darkness
Lords of shadows
bring me a spirit
to kill the source of my sorrows!"
He sighed.
That was an incredibly stupid rhyme.
It would be a miracle if he didn't end up offending some otherworldly
spirit with his prose. He laughted at the thought of hell on earth being
released by really bad poetry.
Outside, the winds blew harder, thunder rumbled. From within,
Gosunkugi's candles flickered out. He looked at the circle in
anticipation. Suddenly, he heard a voice, a deep demonic voice:
"We're sorry, all spiritual assasins are currently under union strike
and are unavailable for service. We hope to settle our differences with
management soon and return to duty. Until then, leave your name, phone
number, and address, and we'll send a representative to you immediately
after the negotiations are done. Have a nice day!"
Gosunkugi sighed. He kneeled in front of the circle, treating it like
a rather large phone.
"Um... hello? I'm Hikaru Gosunkugi, my number is..."
--------
Outside, a gentle drizzle had just begun to fall, darkening the skies
and making travel undesirable by Jyusenkyou-challenged folk.
In the Tendou household it was a typical day. Genma-panda and Soun
were playing their infinite rounds of shogi, Kasumi was cooking in the
kitchen, and Nabiki was talking to her squad of assistants on the phone.
Ranma was sitting, watching television, with Akane leaning on his side.
This wasn't typical.
If this was a preview of married life, it wasn't bad. Not bad at all.
It was a big surprise to many that Akane and Ranma liked each other at
all. Most people who saw Akane and Ranma together usually saw the pair
yelling at each other and Ranma running away from a well armed Akane.
There were several times when Akane was almost lost to him. Being as
thick-headed as he was, it took all of those several times (when she was
taken by that Kirin guy, that Toma guy, almost getting dumped for that
Shinnosuke guy, etc etc etc the list goes on...) for him to finally
realize exactly why he was fighting so damn hard any time Akane got in
trouble. He really did care about her. And one day he realized how short
life was and thus proposed to her and she happily responded with a "Yes!"
At least, that's how he thought it went.
Since the engagement was made official, they'd gotten along much
better. They both thought it probably had something to do with their
little post-engagement celebration, but this isn't THAT kind of a story so
the details aren't needed and it would be sufficent to say that their
relationship took at least one step forward. She'd only punted him
through the roof once since then, and that was a big improvement from
before. Not only that, but no more badgering from his dad or Mr. Tendou.
However, that didn't mean all was well in Nerima. The major threat of
massive property damage was increased from it's already very high levels.
Tatewaki Kunou had stepped up the frequency and ferocity of his attacks,
as well as increasing his wooing of Akane and especially of the Pig-Tailed
girl.
Ranma was especially worried about Ryouga. He knew that Ryouga's
ki-blasts were fueled by depression, and he was afraid one day he'd wake
up to see a Mega shi-shi houkoudan wiping out the entire city.
"Hey, Ranma, you notice that Ryouga's been hanging out at Ukyou's alot
lately?" Akane asked, slightly derailing Ranma's line of thought.
"Well, yeah."
"You think Ryouga and Ukyou are... y'know..."
The thought had occurred to them before that those two might have had
something together, but they hadn't thought of it since that disasterous
vacation to the Cave of Lost Loves. Ukyou and Ryouga? Ryouga and Ukyou?
Either way it didn't sound too bad at all.
"Well," Akane continued, "I think they'd make a sweet couple."
"Hm... you think so?"
"Hey, how about we do a little matchmaking? Ryouga's always seemed so
lonely."
"Why Ryouga, that sly little pig. Him and Ukyou, eh? That wouldn't be
bad at all. Why not?" Ranma knew that despite their rivalry, Ryouga was
an honorable guy. Very loyal to people too. Besides, if Ryouga got a
girlfriend, it would be like diffusing a nuclear warhead. And if that
girlfriend was Ukyou, then there's two potential problems solved with
everyone happy. There was still the problem with Shampoo, and he knew
that the current solution to that problem wouldn't work in the long run.
He immediately thought of Mousse, and possibly coming up with a plan
later. But then again, he didn't think too highly of Mousse's
intelligence, so his enthusiasm was limited.
"Speaking of pigs, I wonder where P-Chan went. It's been a month, I'm
getting worried."
"Ah, he'll be alright. He always comes back, right?" Ranma wrote a
mental note to himself: Buy small black pig ASAP. Get bandanna from
Ryouga.
Akane snuggled closer to Ranma. "Hey, Ranma, what do you want for
dinner?
"Kasumi hasn't planned anything yet?"
Akane smiled proudly and said "I'm cooking tonight."
"Akane," he said, holding her close, looking deeply into her eyes.
She felt his breath on her lips, his hands on her shoulders. She
leaned forward so her forehead was touching his. "Yes?" she whispered.
"We're going to be married soon, y'know? I don't wanna die."
He smiled. She blinked and gave him a light peck on the lips and then
a swift elbow to the gut. "Jerk..." she said with a smile, resuming her
previous position leaning against him.
"Now, I'm not saying that your cooking hasn't improved," said Ranma.
Akane smiled. "I'm just saying that it's still incredibly bad."
*WHAM*
Akane examined the new sunlight that she added to the roof. "When will
he learn to keep his big mouth shut."
"Me and my big mouth," Ranma groaned, taking the scenic route _high_
above Nerima. Off he went, hit by the drizzle and transformed into a
girl, over the Tendou's, past Furinkan High, waaay up there. At the rate
she was going, it looked like Akane was going to tie her record for
distance. {Seems like Akane hasn't lost her touch, eh? Hm... at let's
see... speed... trajectory... a-huh... I oughta be landing really far
today.}
As Ranma flew past the Nekohanten, she spotted something. {Oh, wait,
what was that down there? Hey, it's Mousse. Haven't seen him in a while.
Guess I'll say hi.}
"Heeeeeyyyyy Moooouuuuuuussee!!!"
Mousse looked around from under his umbrella. He adjusted his glasses.
He looked around again. Cloudy skies and still streets greeted his eye.
"Strange," he muttered to himself, "now I'm hearing things."
--------
There was a room.
Actually, it was more like a garage.
Strewn on the floor were various mechanical bits, wrenches, ratchets,
bolts, some oil spots, and miscellaneous stains from working with large
mechanical items.
On the walls were various blueprints and sketches. A Mishima Heavy
Industries calendar was hung there as well, opened up to Miss June in the
cockpit of a Poison-1 assault hoverjet.
Supported by various metal frames were several strange items, such as a
large potted plant, a park bench, a turn left sign, a trashcan, and a
large sign. Out from under the turn left sign emerged what appeared to be
a little blond girl. This was, in fact, Tsubasa. He'd been making
several dramatic improvements in the durability of his costumes. There
were two major reasons why, really. First, Ukyou, his love of a lifetime,
had a tendancy to get very violent, and those disguises were not cheap to
replace. Second, the crowd that she was a part of had a tendancy to cause
large explosions or other various disasterous effects, which also wrecked
his costumes. Maybe in the short run, a ceramic-armor mailbox or a
teflon-cushoned turn left sign might be expensive, but in the long run, he
felt it would pay off.
--------
*WHAM*
Ranma crashed down into a pile of trash cans. She got up, brushed
herself off, and promptly got slammed back into the trash cans by another
flying (now crashing) person. To be exact, it was a skinny, brown-haired
teen.
"Ouch," the newcomer said, "dammit, I hate when Shinobu acts like
that..."
"Gedoffameee..." Ranma muttered.
Suddenly, the stranger stood up. "Oh, sorry about that. Let me help
you up." He helped Ranma up and they both began brushing themselves off.
"Hi there, Ataru Moroboshi. Sorry about that."
"Ataru Moroboshi? Hey, I've seen you on TV. Something about
aliens..."
"Whatever it was, it wasn't my fault."
"Er.. sure. I'm Ranma Saotome." They shook hands.
Ataru looked at Ranma carefully. Normally, he wouldn't hesitate to try
and hit on a girl, or at least get in a cheap feel, and this girl was
pretty cute. But something deep in Ataru's soul warned him that something
was wrong. He hadn't had this feeling since he met that guy who dressed
up like a girl... hm.... it couldn't be. She was just too cute. But...
his gut instinct was warning him, so he just had to ask.
"Say... you're a guy, aren't you." Ataru said.
"Er... yeah."
Ataru was relieved that he listened to his instincts.
"What's with the sex change? I mean, I felt'em when I landed on you.
Those things are obviously not just cotton stuffed under a bra."
"Long story." Ranma muttered. Ataru figured maybe it was one of those
weird sex-change zapguns that those obnoxious aliens sometimes carry. He
found out about those from personal experience.
"So, tell me, what were you doing in the garbage pile?" asked Ataru.
"My fiancee hit me."
"You're engaged to a violent man?" Ataru asked.
"Er... no. I'm engaged to a girl."
"Let me get this straight," said Ataru, "no joke intended, but you got
a sex change, and then got engaged to a girl? Is she..."
"No!"
"Are you..."
"No!"
"O-kay... so, you've got a strong fiancee, huh?"
"Yeah, especially when she gets angry. Got me with an uppercut today.
What happened to you?"
"Ex-fiancee, spinning toss."
"Hm. I'm familiar with that. Say, where am I anyways? I kinda lost
track while flying outta the Furinkan area."
"You're in the Tomobiki area right now."
Suddenly, the crackling sound of electricity was heard around the
corner. "Daaaarling! Where are you?" a feminine voice called out.
"Damn! It's her!" Ataru yelled.
"Her? Your ex-fiancee?"
"No," he replied, "my... wife... in a sense... she kinda forced herself
on me, y'know? The overly affectionate and deadly type."
"Yeah, I can sympathize. She a Chinese Amazon by any chance?"
"Nope. Alien Oni Devil. Look, I gotta get outta here. See ya later."
"Bye."
Ranma watched Ataru run down the street, shrugged, and went on her way.
-------
At the side of a house, a person dressed all in black crept.
He picked the back door lock.
He crept in and closed the door behind him.
Minutes passed.
He crept back out, looking very puzzled, and walked into the night.
- end part 1 -
=============
Part II
One More Time
=============
Ryouga was having one of those days. Business was incredibly busy at
Ucchan's, and it actually managed to drain his endurance. Then it was his
turn to do the big cleanup, thanks to some overzealousness and a big
gamble in a poker game against Ukyou. Just when he'd finished washing
dishes, he accidentally splashed himself with cold water. To add insult
to injury, for some odd reason, that night was the night that the gas
wasn't working.
He was stuck as a pig, and it looked like it'd be that way for a while.
It had obviously put him in an incredibly rotten mood, mainly because he
remembered all those nights as a pig... with _her_.
And finally, he couldn't find his way back to his room.
Ryouga sighed, his piggy ears flopping in depression, and faded into
unconsciousness.
A moment later, through a groggy half-consciousness, he knew he was
being held. It was a welcome feeling. Nobody had held him like this
since Akane. Then he got whapped by something cold.
Ukyou was running her father's cart, back out in the open road. She
was confused... didn't she own a resteraunt? She shrugged off the
feeling, since she just didn't have time for that. The line was long, in
fact it seemed neverending.
"Yessir, may I take your order?"
"Yessir? Hey, Ucchan, s'me!"
Ukyou blinked. She peered closely. "Ranchan? Hey! What'll it be?"
"Delux pork okonomiyaki for me and my wife," he said with a smile,
pulling Akane next to him (seemingly out of nowhere).
"Y-your wife?"
"Hi, Ucchan!" said Akane. Ukyou winced at the sound of _Akane_ calling
her 'Ucchan'. Who did she think she was? Despite these feelings, she
found herself smiling and nodding, waving hello. The sense of a loss of
control angered her, as she watched herself pull out the ingredients...
Ryouga woke up quickly with a loud squeal and looked around in a panic.
Something was hitting him, something was tossing him around.
Ukyou struggled to get a grip on the okonomiyaki but it kept on
squirming off of her spatula. It started springing around, as if it was
alive. Akane and Ranma frowned, looking at her in shame.
"Gosh, Ucchan," said an amused Akane, "what's wrong with your cooking
today?"
"Yeah," said Ranma, "it's just as bad as Akane's!" Ukyou's face was in
a panic as she tried to stop the okonomiyaki from squirming, while her
ears were tortured by the sound of Ranma and Akane laughing at her.
"I-it's a temporary problem, really!" said Ukyou weakly, "I'll have it
ready! I will!"
"You know, Akane," said Ranma, "I think she's as much a tomboy as you
were, maybe more."
"Yup!" happily agreed Akane.
Feeling a rush of panic, Ukyou looked at herself. There was
something... something _wrong_.
"Something wrong, Ucchan?" asked Ranma.
Ukyou blinked, then felt around her chest. It was... alarmingly flat.
Definitely too flat. Oh no... nonono...
Ranma blinked again. "Heeey, Ucchan, you're a guy after all!"
Suddenly, everyone was laughing at Ukyou. Ranma, Akane, Ryouga, the other
Tendos, the guys from high school, middle school, and elementary,
_everyone_, at her.
Even the okonomiyaki was bouncing up and down.
"STOP MOVING!"
*WHAP*
"BWEEEEEEE!!!"
Bwee?
Ukyou's eyes opened and she stumbled back and forth unsteadily as she
woke up... standing... in the kitchen.
"BWEE! BWEE! BWEE!"
"Huh?" She rubbed her eyes and yawned. "Oh... Ryouga. What're you
doing in the kitchen... what am I doing in the kitchen? How'd I get
here?"
Ryouga snorted a bit and looked at her crossly.
"What? What did I do?"
*snort*
"I just don't understand you at all, you pig. Let's see about getting
some hot water... oh yeah, the gas is out. Hm..." She sat down, thinking
of what to do. P-chan sat on his hindquarters and lowered his head, ears
slumped down as well.
"Bweee."
"Yeah, yeah, I know, but you'l just have to live with it tonight."
"Bwee?" wondered P-chan.
"I had the weirdest dream, Ryouga," said Ukyou as she settled into a
chair. "I'll... tell ya about it later."
Unable to sleep just yet, the chef and the pig stared idly out into the
silent night streets.
*
The next morning, Ucchan's opened uneventfully for the early morning
crowd. Opening at five in the morning was something Ryouga would rather
not do, but it wasn't for him to say. He was grumpy, which was normal,
although this morning there was a new source which fueled his irritation.
"G'morning, Ryouga," said Ukyou. Ryouga grunted an acknowledgement and
started arranging the tables and chairs. Ukyou blinked, then resumed
cooking the orders for a few customers that were already waiting. There
was something different in that grunt. Ryouga must, she assumed, be upset
about something. "Something bothering you?"
"What happened last night?" he asked in an irritated tone of voice.
"What do you mean 'what happened last night?'"
"You were slapping me around with your spatulas... you were COOKING
me!" Ryouga's face took on something of a sneer.
"I was doing it in my sleep, okay? It was an accident. Didn't I
apologize already?"
"Ya hear that?" one customer whispered to another.
"The lady likes it rough."
"Funny, I didn't think she was the type..."
"So... what was the dream about?" asked Ryouga.
"Nothing, don't worry about it," answered Ukyou.
Considering the way that Ryouga's mind worked, she should have seen the
next comment coming from a mile away. But she didn't.
"It had something to do with Ranma, didn't it?" At those words, Ukyou
winced and gave Ryouga a mean glare.
"I had a dream about him, so what?" she shot back.
"I don't understand what you ever saw in him," grumbled Ryouga.
"He was brave, and sweet, and..." listed Ukyou.
"He led you on, he lied to you, he was a freeloader..." calmly
countered Ryouga.
"Oh shut up," sniped Ukyou as she tossed out some okonomiyaki to
waiting customers with ease and started on new ones. "It's not like
you're any better."
"What's that supposed to mean?" wondered Ryouga.
"Leeeeet's see," started Ukyou with a smirk on her face. "One," she
started, lifting a finger, "You took advantage of Akane over and over..."
"I DID NOT!"
"...by sleeping in her bed as her 'pet'. Don't you deny it."
Ryouga hung his head low in shame.
This, of course, gave the morning crowd even more to talk about.
"Boy, they're kinky."
"That boy is a love slave? What a pervert."
"Two," said Ukyou, lifting another finger, "you're totally
untrustworthy with a girl's heart. How many times did Ranchan make you
fall for him?"
"Don't remind me!"
"If you were REALLY faithful to Akane, IT WOULD'VE NEVER HAPPENED!"
"Didja hear that? That boy has a *boyfriend* and a girlfriend!"
"Kids these days, all perverts."
"Three," said Ukyou, lifting another finger, "you always picked a fight
with Ranma for no reason at all."
Ryouga blinked. "No reason? There was plenty of reason! Thanks to
him, I've-"
"-seen hell, yeah yeah yeah," dismissed Ukyou. "Half the things you
blame him for wouldn't have happened if you weren't so much of a jerk to
begin with."
"Hey!"
"Then there's your total lack of direction..."
"That isn't my fault!"
"Whatever." Ukyou tossed Ryouga a mean grin, while he shot back a bit
of a glare, then they both went back to work.
"You were as bad as me," he muttered.
"Ex-CUSE ME?!" yelled Ukyou.
Ryouga pointed a finger at Ukyou. "You heard me."
"I most certainly am NOT as bad as you were!"
"Let's see... YOU were after Ranma too, for ruining your life. Wasn't
that the reason?" he pointed out. "Thanks to him, you've.... oh...
seen hell?"
"Hey, that's different than-
"Then you ambushed Akane while you were pretending to train her once!"
"Okay, there was that. Shut up already, I give up."
"Ha." Ryouga had the Smirk of the Righteous while Ukyou had the Scowl
of the One Ticked Off By The Righteous.
"Still... don't see whatever you saw in Akane," muttered Ukyou.
"She was sweet, and gentle, and caring," said Ryouga, his eyes getting
a bit glazed in sweet memeory.
"She was violent," said Ukyou. "Don't deny that. You _can't."
"Er..."
"And she was short-tempered."
"Maybe she was, sometimes," murmured Ryouga.
"Her cooking was _terrible_."
"Well, yeah. And?" wondered Ryouga.
"And she'd kill anyone that would tell her that," replied Ukyou. "She
was violent, short-tempered, cooked POISON, and... she was more manly than
YOU."
"Look who's talking, the girl that Ranma thought was a GUY for so
long!" retaliated Ryouga. "You're more of a tomboy than Akane!" Ukyou
fumed while Ryouga stuck his tongue out and 'biiiiiiih'ed at her.
"OH YEAH!" roared Ukyou.
"YEAH!" shot back Ryouga.
"IS THAT SO!" yelled Ukyou, putting her face right in front of Ryouga's
with the most angry expression she could muster.
"THAT'S SO!" snarled Ryouga.
"WELL AT LEAST I DIDN'T GIVE UP SO EASILY!"
Ryouga blinked. "Give up?"
"Yeah, give up. Did you ever tell Akane how YOU felt? No! You never
had the GUTS! At least I tried my best with Ranchan!"
"And your best wasn't good enough! So there! HA!"
"Why you..."
"And right now you're EXACTLY the same position as me, so a lot of good
your 'best' effort did, eh!"
"Ryouga you JACKASS!!!" Ukyou pulled out her Uber-spatula and swung in
a manner that would make the baseball players of Japan proud. Ryouga was
caught by the swing at full force, and flew off into the sky (at Standard
Martial Artist Altitude (known as SMAA, which is why the Nerima residents
would often comment on events like this by saying, "boy, he got
smaahed")).
*
Lost again.
If Ryouga wrote an autobiography, he figured that would be the title.
His life nowadays was like his sense of direction, incredibly unclear.
Clearly, there would have to be changes made in his lifestyle. For the
first time, he thought about the future. With no immediate concerns (such
as a longtime rival or a love to pine over) he had not much else to think
of.
So he did what he usually did in times like this, which was wander
aimlessly through Tokyo (he hoped it was still Tokyo) and let fate control
his destination.
He had to go to school again. This much was clear. There weren't much
prospects for an uneducated martial artist, really. Not in this day and
age. He hadn't gone to school for quite a while, and he knew that he'd
probbably have to take some sort of test to determine where he belonged...
given the odd circumstances of his lifestyle. Of course, this was Nerima,
and Furinkan did indeed have contingency plans for situations such as his.
After all, it wasn't uncommon that wandering martial artists pass by
Nerima and suddenly need education. Ukyou was proof of it.
After high school, he didn't know. He shrugged and decided to answer
that question another day.
With the burning issue of the minute resolved, his mind slinked back to
darker issues. In particular, Ukyou's words were nagging at him. It was
incredibly embarrasing, the list of stupid things he did, and he hoped
that he'd never do them again (or at the very least, if he did, that
nobody would point it out to him).
Then there was the matter of giving up. He had to admit, that was
true. At least Ukyou told Ranma how she felt. Ryouga never managed
anything close to that. _Damn you, Ranma_ he thought sadly, _and damn
me_. His mind was soon locked on that issue... of giving in with a
whimper instead of a bang, and by the time he walked by Hokkaido it was
buzzing in his head like flies on a corpse.
*
It was nagging at her.
She thought she'd killed this issue already, but Ryouga's words were
surprisingly sharp to her, bringing back the old feelings. Ranchan was
with a girl that was less understanding, less patient, less womanly, more
tomboyish, more violent, and was the only person Ukyou knew that ever
managed to cook Primordial Soup (complete with budding new life forms).
There was no way Ranchan could _possibly_ be happy with her.
It had to be a conspiracy or something. They _did_ pull that trick on
her once... trying to make her believe that Ranma and Akane really were
getting along. Of course, last time it didn't work. They wouldn't be
forcing Ranma to try that again, would they?
No way.
*
As sunset hit Japan, Ryouga was wandering back in the right city again
(he didn't know he was ever in the _wrong_ city, he just assumed that
parts of Tokyo suddenly became very rural). He really didn't notice this,
however, due to his mind still occasionally echoing those nagging doubts.
Finally, darkness covered the city, and this finally made Ryouga take a
good look around. And when he did, he felt, at the very least, surprised.
He was right at the gates of the Tendo Dojo.
{The last place I wanted to be at...} he thought, looking miserable.
"JERK!"
"IDIOT!"
Ryouga's eyes narrowed. That was Akane... and Ranma... fighting? He
entered the gates cautiously and leapt into a nearby tree. From that
vantage point, he had a perfect view of the main room. From that area, he
could plainly see Akane having another yelling match with Ranma, although
Ryouga was too far away to hear properly on what they were arguing about.
An internal battle began to rage in ernest as he saw Ranma start
yelling back at her in an even louder voice. She didn't deserve this, not
Akane. He cursed Ranma repeatedly as the argument raged. Didn't he tell
Ranma to treat her good? Didn't he?! Ryouga could watch no longer, and
was getting ready to join the fray (and bludgeon Ranma into a pulp).
Then there was silence.
Ranma, looking a bit embarrased, said a few quiet words to a fuming
Akane, who was turned away and fuming. Then, she turned to him with a
softened expression, and said a few quiet words of her own. They walked
to each other slowly, muttering what apparently seemed like apologies,
then joined in a hug. After a while, they talked again, their voices
becoming light and carefree, then became more teasing as Ranma ran from
Akane cheerfully, towards the dojo, and Akane chased after, laughing.
Ryouga could feel the love. It was slowly drowning all his anger in a
sickening flood of love, generated by the loving couple that had raced
off. Ryouga knew, what he just witnessed, it was true love.
He felt tired. Revenge seemed a faraway thing. Anger was a distant
echo. The time for fighting, he knew, was over. It was all over. Any
dreams he had in the past, over. And he found himself almost ready to
just quit.
That moment of rare introspection was shattered as two feet slammed
into Ryouga's skull from above. Apparently, both parties were taken
entirely by surprise, as they both scrambled, lost their grip on the tree,
and fell to the ground below.
As he struggled to get up, Ryouga felt a solid *CLANG* on his head.
"Ryouga you IDIOT! What're you doing here?"
"U-Ukyou?"
Realizing that they were obviously making alot of noise, the two
scrambled up and into the night before Ranma or Akane came out of the dojo
to check.
*
"So, what were you doing there?" asked Ryouga.
"Just passing by, that's all," replied Ukyou. "And you?"
"Oh, er, same thing, same thing."
They both sighed as they looked out of Ucchan's front window, gazing at
what few stars were visible with all the city lights obscuring the night
sky.
"Hey, Ukyou, could you help me join Furinkan High?"
"Join?" She looked at him strangely. "What do you mean, join?"
"I... wanna go back to school."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. You might say I'm starting over."
"Me too," she said quietly.
"What?"
"Nothing, nothing. We'll take care of it tomorrow, okay?"
"Thanks, Ukyou."
"No problem, sugar." She stood up, yawned, and stretched. "Oh well,
guess I'll turn in for the night."
"Hey, Ukyou," said Ryouga, his face looking a bit tense.
"Hm? What now?"
"I'm... sorry about what I said today."
"Oh." She hadn't been thinking of that, and really forgot about it
until he brought it up. Her mind was stilll somber from what she'd seen
at the Tendo residence. Watching those two, it was hard for her to take,
but it was clear that they were in love. Her dream was dead, long dead,
and she realized she'd best start moving along in life. It didn't make it
any easier to be around Ranma, and her feelings for him didn't just change
instantly, but it was, in her mind, a small step towards moving on. It was
also a good idea to not make any more enemies, and with that in mind...
"I'm sorry too, Ryouga. See ya later."
Ukyou left for her room, leaving Ryouga in the darkness, staring out at
the infinite night sky. The world... was indeed a cold and lonely place,
and big too. Science could back him up on this fact, since a great
majority of outer space was cold enough to be lethal to most life forms on
earth.
At the moment, however, Ryouga was just thinking along philosophical
lines.
"Ukyou?" he said quietly.
Ukyou was about to close her door when she heard Ryouga call out,
desperately. "Ukyou? Ukyou? Where are you?!" Hearing the desperation
in his voice, she quickly rushed out and found him still out in the
storefront.
"Ryouga?!" she said, rushing to him. "You okay?"
"Yeah... um..." He looked distinctly embarrased.
"Hm? What? Hey, what's bothering you?"
"Could you show me where my room is? I can't seem to find it and I
don't wanna end up sleeping on the floor here again."
_This_ is what he was shouting about? Now where's that spatula...
*CLANG* "IDIOT!" *CLANG*CLANG*CLANG* "DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!"
"Ow! Cut it out, you violent manic!"
*CLANG*
-end part 2-
==========================
PART III
Ryouga the Girl-Magnet!
==========================
[Evening, Near the End of Summer]
Back at Ucchan's, Ryouga had just finished helping Ukyou close down the
store. He locked up the doors and headed to the back area of Ucchan's for
what had become a nightly habit for both of them.
"Alright then," Ryouga said, a smile growing on his face, "let's get
started."
If there was one thing that brought out a little sense of fun in him
lately, it was these nightly sessions with Ukyou. Ryouga admitted to
himself that he was still a bit inept at it. Usually, it was him that
ended up having to do the work. He always had to put on some protective
gear. If it broke, it was going to be a fairly annoying situation to say
the least. It also made him a little tired. At first, he was somewhat
inept, enough so to make Ukyou whap him at times, but he was getting
better at it. Sure he ended up doing all the work, but seeing how it
cheered up Ukyou made him feel better.
And if he played his cards right tonight, she'd be the one having to
work hard.
"Oh my," Ukyou taunted, "feeling lucky tonight?"
Ukyou enjoyed this nightly ritual as well. She'd normally rather have
Ranma here, but she wasn't sure she was ready to face him again without a
major emotional breakdown. Besides, it was nice to see Ryouga cheer up a
bit, even if he usually ended up doing all the work.
Ukyou turned around, bent forward a bit, opened a drawer, and took out
a small package. She smiled wickedly and turned to face Ryouga.
"Okay, the game's poker, seven card draw, aces wild. Loser cleans the
dishes and the grill!"
---------
Hikaru Gosunkugi glanced nervously out at the night. He hadn't been
resting well ever since the time he tried to summon an assassin spirit.
Exactly why this was so eluded him. Shouldn't that have made him feel
better? For once, his magics had actually managed to work and he had made
contact with The Other Side. Well... at least he managed to leave a
message on the automated reply system anyways. Still, he felt nervous and
edgy.
Recently, he had a nightmare where he was looking rather healthy and
hansome, and suddenly ran into an angry and demonic version of himself,
looking like it came straight out of hell.
That was silly, he thought. If that stupid supernatural assassin came
through anyways, he _should_ be able to have some control of it, right?
He drew up the magic circle once again, tied candles to his head, and
bent down to speak into the circle.
"Er... hello?" he meekly said.
"Supernatural Assassins, may I help you?" said a soothing voice.
Probbably one of a succubus, he thought.
"W-well, yes, I'd like to cancel a previous order."
"Cancel?" He could almost hear the demoness blinking.
---------
[The week after]
It was once again closing time at Ucchan's.
Ryouga couldn't take it anymore. The same damned routine, day in, day
out. Wake up, feel sorry for himself for a couple of hours while working
as a waiter, eat some okonomiyaki, wallow in angst, eat some okonomikayi,
sleep. The card games were nice, but he feeling cooped up. He was
beginning to wonder if he was becoming a nuisance to Ukyou.
He was also beginning to get a little sick of okonomiyaki, but he felt
he'd be killed by Ukyou if he revealed that little fact.
He needed to get out, that's what he needed.
"Hey, Ukyou, wanna go out?"
This threw Ukyou off a bit.
"Er, go out?"
"Well..."
Ryouga didn't notice her fidgeting. He was wrapped up thinking about
his own problems. "Yeah, see a movie or something. I just gotta break
out of this routine. You're right, I should get on with my life. I can't
hide in here forever, right?"
Ukyou wasn't sure what to say. It felt good to see Ryouga finally
shake out of his slump. She guessed that maybe she just got used to
having depressed Ryouga around, and this new direction Ryouga was a
surprise.
"Besides, if you don't guide me around, I'll be lost for weeks" Ryouga
said, smiling at his own joke. He used to really deny that his sense of
direction was lousy. He wondered why.
Ukyou smiled warmly "Yeah, sure. Let's get outta here." {Looks like
you're getting your sense of humor back, Ryouga.} She thought. Ukyou
looked at Ryouga and she imagined what he'd be like without the
bandanna... and maybe with a pig-tail... and some dental work... and a red
Chinese shirt...
"Hey, Ukyou, I'm not too much of a bother, am I? I mean, me staying
here for the past few months."
"No, no. I'm glad you're here," Ukyou answered. "I really needed the
help around here," she said, smiling. She looked at Ryouga and thought
about somebody else.
"Good," he replied. He saw her smile and it reminded him of someone
else too.
------------
[October, Monday Morning]
It was the school season.
It was a potential disaster in body-counts and property damage, Ranma
thought. His engagement to Akane was well known, but everyone also knew
they didn't plan on carrying out the wedding. It wasn't exactly common
knowledge that they'd finally gotten serious about it, and he didn't know
how his many rivals would react. So far, nobody had taken any action, but
the word was spreading across school slowly.
The Chem Club, the Akane Tendou Stormtroopers, Tatewaki Kunou,
Gosunkugi Hikaru, Ryouga, all those nuisances out there waiting and ready
to blow up.
Ranma thought he'd spotted Gosunkugi earlier, except that he was
looking a bit taller and carried himself rather arrogantly. Also, Ranma
was surprised Gosunkugi was in a suit. Maybe Gosunkugi was going for the
suave romantic tactic in order to win Akane over? It was hard to imagine
him as anything like that.
Kunou had rallied the forces of his kendo club, and rumor was that
there was going to be a massive ambush on Ranma at the end of the day.
However, the news of the day was when he found out that Ryouga had
joined the ranks of Furinkan High. Ranma was going through the halls when
he spotted what he thought was Ryouga. Yup, there's the bandanna, the
mega-smasher umbrella, but... that was a school uniform he was wearing.
Feeling that this merrited further observation, he looked more carefully
and spotted Ukyou walking with him, yanking him in another direction
whenever he seemed to be veering off-course. They went to a schoolroom,
Ryouga went in and she waved goodbye.
This, to Ranma, looked interesting.
He ran up to Ukyou and they had a general how's-the-weather
conversation. Topics such as the-restaraunt-is-doing-great,
Kodachi-is-still- in-jail, and you-got-a-court-order-on-Shampoo-too?
were idly discussed.
Finally, Ranma got to the point.
"Was that Ryouga I just saw with you?"
"Yeah. He's going to Furinkan High now."
"Really? Hope he doesn't try to kill me."
"Oh... don't worry about it, Ranchan. He's been kinda calm about it.
It took a month for him to stop radiating ki accidentally, but he's almost
back to normal."
"What made him decide to start school?" Ranma asked.
"He said something about getting on with his life."
{Hmm} Ranma thought, {speaking of getting on with life...}
"Er... Ukyou, how are you... I mean... are you..."
Ukyou put on her best artificial smile. "C'mon, stop worrying about
me!" Suddenly she leaned on him, "or... are you still interested in me?
Hmm?" She tilted her head on his shoulder and batted her eyelashes.
Ranma stumbled back a bit "No! I mean... er..."
"Hey, just kidding, just kidding!" She stepped away. Deep inside
Ukyou's subconscious a voice muttered {notmarriedYETnotmarriedYET}
Then Ranma ever-so-gently, (as gently as only Ranma could) slipped in
the topic of Ukyou maybe being interested in Ryouga.
"So, Ucchan, dating Ryouga?"
*CLANG*
"Argh! Sorry! Get this spatula offa me!"
*RIP* "Whaddaya mean, me dating Ryouga?!?!?!"
"Well, hasn't he been living with you?"
"Yeah..."
"For several months?"
"So what?"
"And now he's going to the same school as you."
"Wait just a minute!"
"And I'm seeing you walking him to his classes..."
"It's his lousy sense of-"
"And you two walk together all the time, right? How romantic!" He
elbowed Ukyou a bit.
*CLANG* "IT'S HIS LOUSY SENSE OF DIRECTION, YOU IDIOT!"
"Ouch. Sorry, sorry, just teasing ya! Get this thing off me!"
*RIP*
"Seriously, Ucchan, maybe me and him don't get along, but he is a nice
guy. Really loyal. Very honorable. You should think about it."
"Yeah, right."
"By the way, Ucchan," Ranma asked, "mind if me and Akane came by the
restaraunt later? She wants to get some cooking tips from you." His
expression suddenly became desperate. "PLEASE SAY YES."
"Fine, whatever." she mumbled.
"Hm?"
"Er... I said yeah, come on over!"
Walking away, Ukyou was thinking about things. "Well," she quietly
said to herself, "maybe I've lost a fiancee, but at least I've still got
my best friend." {But} she thought, {I want my fiancee back.}
{Sheesh} Ranma thought, {she's getting a little violent, kinda like
Akane used to be.}
Nearby, a potted plant stomped off angrily. After getting outside,
Tsubasa dumped his disguise and went away muttering. "Great, just great.
First Ranma, now this Ryouga guy. That's it. Time to get serious." He
began thumbing through his Mishima Heavy Industries catalogue,
particularly in the weaponry section.
-----------
Somewhere in the crowd, Gosunkugi was hammering straw dolls everywhere,
but that never worked anyways so nobody cared. Gosunkugi felt that after
the big experience he had with The Other Side maybe he ought to go back
and work on the basics again and see if he could get that right.
He wasn't sure why, but he felt like he was being watched by
someting... something that probably felt a bit embarrased about the
dolls.
-----------
A large crowd, literally a swarm of people, were gathered in the soccer
field of Furinkan High. The Chem Club, the Archery Club, the Kendo Team,
the Soccer Team, almost every male organization that existed, were all
gathered at that field.
Once upon a time, Akane had faced hordes of boys every morning in her
daily walk to school. Those days ended when everyone (but Kuno)
surrendered and accepted Ranma as her fiancee. However, there was
something... magnetic about Akane that captured their imaginations, and
when they heard that Ranma was finally actually serious about wanting to
marry Akane, they felt that it was time for one more try. Just one more
try before Akane was forever unavailable to them.
The Kendo Team, led by Tatewaki Kunou, was at the center of the mess.
"I tell you now that the honor of defeating that wretch Saotome shall go
to ME! Akane shall be MINE!" The team stood protectively around him,
their bokkens readied
"Hold on there, Kunou," the leader of the Sumo club rumbled, "we've got
a right to chase after Akane as well."
The leader of the Chem club looked smug. These fools may have better
strength, but their minds were vastly inferior. He smiled to himself and
patted a small remote in his pocket that was rigged to several mines that
were planted in the field just hours ago.
"You all insist upon the right to pursue Akane Tendou?" Kunou yelled.
"Very well then, we shall decide today who has the right to be in this
grand pursuit! Be warned that I shall show no mercy to those who stand
between me and my true loves!"
Quite a few people seemd a bit confused. Kunou's speeches always were
a little on the fancy side.
"FIGHT!!!" Kunou bellowed.
The swarms of students charged at each other. Bokken vs. tennis
racket, hockey stick vs. golf club, and all other sorts of mayhem broke
out.
"Fools!" the chem club leader yelled, "You don't know it yet but
you're already dead! HAHAHAHA!" With a dramatic flair, he took out the
remote, held it high, and pressed the button.
Then he realized something. Him and the rest of the Chem Club were on
the field of battle too.
*****BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM*****
-----------
Meanwhile, somewhere nearby, an interesting conversation was taking
place.
"Gosunkugi! Time to give up your lunch money! Get down from that
tree, you little wimp!" A gang of thugs was surrounding a tree in front
of the school, yelling at a rather skinny figure in a tree.
"You're making a mistake."
"Don't think so, geek." There was laughter in the crowd.
"I'm going to count to three."
"And then what, Gosunkugi? Gonna cry?" a rather large thug said.
"One."
"I am just _so_ scared."
"Two."
"Boys?" Everyone reached into their clothing and took out their
weaponry.
"Three."
*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*
----------------
[Evening, Nekohanten]
Shampoo had held back as long as she could. No more.
She opened her weapons cabinet.
That violent Akane Tendou took her fiancee. HER fiancee.
Shampoo picked up a steel mallet, examining it carefully.
Shampoo had done so much for Ranma! She cooked for Ranma, she fought
for Ranma, she even tried several mind-altering drugs on Ranma. All
without success. Did Akane do any of this? She thought not. He was so
damn inconsiderate, wasn't he? Didn't she tell him how much she loved
him? What a jerk. Of course, SHE made him into a jerk. It was all her
fault, that little BITCH.
Shampoo put down the mallet, looking unsatisfied. She picked up a
wicked looking sword. It was the same sword she used to try and kill
Ranma before she found out Ranma was a boy. Looking satisfied, she closed
the weapon cabinet and ran out the door.
"Akane, I KILL!!!"
----------
taptaptaptapthudthudthudthudSTOMPSTOMPSTOMP==SLAM==stompstompstomp
thudthudthudthudtaptaptap.......
"Mousse, what was that? Did someone open the front door?"
"I think it was Shampoo going out to kill somebody. Probably Akane.
You think we...."
Cologne sighed. She was sure nobody would get hurt, but if Shampoo
violated that court order, they'd have to bail her out of jail. That
wasn't cheap. "Yes, Mousse, let's go stop her."
----------
[Evening, Ucchan's]
Ukyou sighed. {Patience, Girl. Take deep breaths.}
"Ukyou, are you okay?"
"Why ya asking, Akane?"
"Seems like you're having a hard time breathing. Maybe we should take
a break?"
Ukyou looked at the scene in front of her. She had tried to see where
Akane's cooking skills were by starting with something that was a little
above basic cooking, like Okonomiyaki.
There's Ukyou's okonomiyaki, nice and neat, covered evenly with sauce.
And then there's Akane's... Akane's...
No. Ukyou couldn't bear to call that monstrosity okonomiyaki. That
would be blasphemy. It was egg, flour, dead animals & vegetation, and
some really nasty looking spots all mixed into a mound. Nope, that's not
okonomiyaki. Absolutely not.
Ukyou went to something simpler, like sunny-side up egg. Akane made
them. Quite burned indeed, and the yoke was ruined. Ukyou opted for
something simpler, like scrambled egg. Didn't work. It looked just like
the alleged sunny-side up egg. She tried out sushi. How hard could raw
fish be? Akane's sushi was somehow transformed into pulpy roadkill. Her
Ceasar salad was almost right, except that the salad looked like it had
been through an industrial strength shredder.
There was one bright spot. Akane cooked a pretty decent curry. It was
rather bland, somewhat not quite right, but much more edible than Akane's
usual cooking. The most important thing was that it didn't look toxic, it
didn't taste toxic, and it wasn't hazardous.
At least, not to humans.
"Yes. A break. That would be good." Ukyou tried not to sound too
tired. It seemed to Ukyou that Akane's sense in the kitchen was every bit
as bad as Ryouga's sense on the road. If you point'em one way, they'll
veer off in an entirely different direction, totally oblivious to the
possibility of doing anything wrong until it's too late. Two hours of
intensive training wasn't having much effect. She was baffled as to why
Akane could handle curry but not salad.
Suddenly a chair sprouted arms and legs and ran towards Ukyou. "Ukyou!
Let's go out on a date!"
Calmly, Ukyou held her titanic spatula like a golf club and swatted the
chair across the room and out the door. "Damn that Tsubasa."
Tsubasa flew outside and hit a brick wall. He unsteadily got up and
examined his disguise. Not a scratch! He happily walked home, his day a
personal success already.
-----------
Ryouga was looking at his cards. {Two deuces, two jacks, and a five.
Hm... two pair, not bad, not bad.}
Ranma was looking at his as well. {Er... how's this go again?}
"Hey," Ranma said, "you heard about the big fight at school?" {Stall
for time, this story should be amazing enough. Oh, I see, I've got two
tens...}
"What fight?" {Ranma is stalling. I've got him now.}
"Bunch of guys in the courtyard got beat up." {Er... A jack, a queen,
two tens, an ace... is that anything?}
"That's not unusual. By the way, I'm raising you by ten."
"You haven't heard the strange part." {Er... is two tens enough?
Yeah, sure! I mean, ten is a pretty big number, right?} "And by the way,
I'll see your ten and raise you ten more."
"Okay. What's the strange part?"
"They say it was Gosunkugi that beat them up."
Ryouga looked puzzled. "Gosunkugi? That's the skinny guy that got
sick eating Akane's lunch once, right?"
"That's the one."
"The one that has a bunch of paper dolls?"
"Yup."
"Him?"
"They swear it was him."
---------------
Somewhere in the city Gosunkugi was running for his life. A large mob
of angry thugs was chasing him through alleyways and streets.
"This time we'll beat the hell outta ya! Come back here ya geek!"
Gosunkugi raced on. He wasn't going to face this bunch. Hell no.
Time to run like a maniac, all the while muttering "why me why me why me
why me why?"
"Hey," one thug asked, "wasn't he a little less cowardly this
afternoon?"
---------------
Ryouga was briefly distracted by the television news broadcast.
"NEWS BULLETIN: Rampaging pig injures 12, causes massive property
damage. Film at 11."
He went to the television and turned it off.
***
"I'll go see if the boys want anything, " Akane said, walking across
the restaraunt, to where Ryouga and Ranma were playing cards.
"Hey guys, you want anything to snack on?"
"No, thanks Akane." Ryouga quietly said, looking away.
"Are _you_ cooking?" Ranma asked, suspicously.
*THUD*
"Hey, I was just joking!" Ranma said, covering the spot on his side
where Akane elbowed him.
***
"Ranma still insulting you, Akane?"
"Yeah," she replied, "sometimes he's still such a jerk..."
In the distance, an explosion rumbled. Nobody noticed.
***
Meanwhile, Ryouga was getting ticked off at Ranma. "Hey you jerk!
You're engaged to her now! Start showing some respect!"
"C'mon, Ryouga, me and Akane were just playin' around. She didn't boot
me through the roof, did she?"
"You're still a jerk. I'd kill you, but I don't think Akane would like
that. Understand?"
Ranma sighed. {Looks like some things never end. Me and Pig-boy'll
probably be picking on each other for years} Then Ranma noticed something
that Ryouga was wearing around his neck.
"Hey, what's that?" He pointed at it.
"Compass. Ukyou gave it to me."
"Is that so? Say, have you been walking with her to school lately?"
Ryouga blushed. "Well, yeah, but..."
"Hey! Great! You two will make a great couple! My rival and my best
friend dating each other! Take good care of 'er, pal!"
"Huh?" Ryouga was puzzled.
"Come on now, you've been living with her for several months now, you
sly PIG. She gave you a cute little compass, you help her around the
store, you even walk together everywhere! Gosh Ryouga, I didn't know you
were such a romantic!"
*WHAP* "mmrrrfff?"
"Listen up Saotome, okay? We walk together 'cause..." Ryouga winced,
He hated admitting his weaknesses to RANMA, "of my lousy sense of
direction. The compass was just a gift to help out with that little
problem. She walks with me at school _just_ because of my... directional
problem. I'm staying here because I'd feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable
staying..." he glanced at Akane, "where I used to stay. Got it?"
Ranma finally spit out the umbrella that was rammed into his mouth.
"Hey, hey, just kidding! No need to overreact, okay?"
"Whatever." Ryouga narrowed his eyes. It'd been a while since they'd
gotten into a fight. He could easily see one starting now.
"Fine. Gimmie one of those bandannas, will ya? P-Chan lost his."
"That isn't funny, Saotome."
"I went to a pet store," Ranma said in a low voice, "and bought a small
black pig. Get it? All I need is a bandanna."
The sound of an explosion, like a wall falling down, sounded off in the
distance. It wasn't made by anyone in the store.
*WHAP* "Mrgmph!" Ranma yanked the bandanna out of his mouth. "Whatcha
do that for?!?!"
"I guess I just missed beating you up. Been a while, eh?"
"Why you..." Ranma muttered.
***
Akane and Ukyou were busy talking, taking a break from the kitchen
destruction derby that was Akane's Cooking Technique.
"Hey, I'm seeing you and Ryouga together alot lately. Are you two..."
"What? Me? And that idiot! Absolutely not!" Ukyou said, not aware
that her blushing was easily seen. "He gets lost bringing food to the
customers! Look at this room Akane! No walls between seats, the tables
are simple, how on earth can a guy get lost in here!"
{She's really acting strange} thought Akane, {Ukyou's usually not this
angry. That's usually... usually... me}
"Gotta admit thought, it's nice to get someone else to do the dishwork.
And did you know how strong that guy is? When I gotta clean under the
heavy equipment, Ryouga's useful. Despite his stupidity, he's a nice guy.
He has his moments."
"Don't tell me you didn't even think about it?"
"About what? Me and him?"
"Admit it, he is kinda cute."
{Then why the heck don't you marry HIM?} Ukyou thought. And then she
thought about Ryouga. "Well," Ukyou said, "those fangs are kinda
charming. And he does look cute when he's totally confused. But he's no
Ranma..." Ukyou became distracted when she noticed Ryouga pounding a
bandanna into Ranma's mouth. "Damn. Akane? Excuse me a moment." Ukyou
stomped off in Ryouga's direction.
"Hey, Ukyou? What's going on?" Akane was worried. She hoped that the
conversation didn't make Ukyou feel uncomfortable. Akane followed close
behind as Ukyou walked towards the boys.
***
*CLANG* "STOP PICKING ON RANCHAN!" Ukyou yelled.
"OW!!! Stop doing that!" Ryouga stood up and turned around. "Dammit,
you violent maniac, put that thing away!"
{Wow} Ranma thought {_this_ scene is really familiar} He sat back.
{This could be interesting}
{Haven't I seen this done before?} Akane thought.
taptaptaptapthudthudthudthudstompstompstomp**BOOM**
Suddenly, the front door of Ucchan's was reduced to splinters.
Everyone looked at the remains of the door. and who was standing in it:
Shampoo.
"Akane..." Shampoo said, shaking in anger, "I KILL!!!" Ranma got up
from his seat only to be hit by a thrown bonbori in the face. Ukyou
removed her spatula from Ryouga's head and charged at Shampoo. She swung
at Shampoo's midsection, hitting nothing. Shampoo swung her sword at
Ukyou's spatula, slicing the handle in half. Ukyou was stunned. {Oh
shoot, she's really mad.} Shampoo raised her sword again.
"Not nice girl get out of way."
Ukyou couldn't let anyone die, even the person that stole Ranma from
her. "Shampoo, don't do this." She reached for her mini-spatula.
"Get out of way. I kill Akane NOW!" Shampoo reared back with her
sword.
"NOOOO!!!" Ryouga roared. He yanked the bonbori from Ranma's face and
threw it at Shampoo's face. The weapon hit hard, knocking Shampoo out
cold. "Hey, Akane, Ukyou, you okay?"
Ukyou was shaken. She'd never seen Shampoo that mad before. "Yeah,
I'm fine. You didn't have to help, y'know."
"Oh, excuse me! I just rescued you, y'know."
"Rescued???"
"Akane, are you alright?" Ryouga anxiously went up to her.
Cologne and Mousse walked in. "I see we were too late to prevent
property damage. I offer my sincere apologies. Shampoo will pay for the
door."
Mousse saw Shampoo lying unconscious on the floor. "SHAMPOO! Speak to
me! Wake up!"
Cologne observed the beaten Shampoo. "What happened to my
great-granddaughter?"
"She was about to kill Ukyou. I threw a bonbori at her and knocked her
out." Ryouga said. "Sorry about that, Mousse. We couldn't stop her any
other way."
"I could've stopped her" Ukyou muttered to herself.
Cologne narrowed her eyes. She examined Ryouga carefully. "So, you
defeated my Shampoo?" Mousse looked up with an oh-no-not-again expression
on his face. Akane and Ukyou began to realize what Cologne would
probably say next. Ryouga was clueless. Ranma was unconscious.
"Son-in-law." Cologne said.
At those words, Ranma snapped his eyes open. "YAAAGH! OLD GHOUL!"
*WHAP*
Cologne removed her stick from Ranma's head. "Not you. Not at the
moment, anyways. I am talking to him." She pointed to Ryouga.
"ME?" Ryouga was angered. "Just you wait a minute, dammit!"
Ryouga looked anxiously at Mousse and Ranma, as if looking for help.
Ranma was just watching Ryouga panic as if it was a tv show. {This} he
thought, {is definitely entertaining}. Mousse was beginning to look
murderous.
"Ranma you BASTARD! This is all your fault!" Ryouga was furious.
"What's the matter with you? She was gonna kill Akane! Where the heck
were you?!?" Ranma was taken entirely by surprise by the sudden topic
switch.
"She took me by surprise, okay? Back off Ryouga!" Ranma didn't like
this one bit. Ryouga was making him look bad in front of his fiancee, HIS
fiancee. And Ranma's face was still hurting.
"See what I mean? What's with letting your fighting skills slip like
that? If _I_ wasn't here, who knows what might have happened!"
*WHAM* "Hey stupid, what about me?" Ukyou was red with anger. "It's
not like I can't fight without my spatula, y'know!"
Cologne went to Shampoo and woke her up. "Shampoo. Wake up. Say
hello to your latest future husband."
Shampoo sat up quickly and hugged the nearest thing: Mousse. "Oh
Ranma! Shampoo so happy!" She stopped and looked at who she was hugging.
*WHAM* "STUPID MOUSSE!"
"Shampoo, you shall marry Ryouga and take over the Amazon tribe."
Cologne looked Ryouga over. {Not bad... very strong, a good fighter
indeed. Yes, he shall have to do. Rather him than Mousse.}
Mousse was furious. "Wait! That's not fair! He doesn't love Shampoo!
I do! I should be th-"
"You fool, you have yet to defeat her in combat! You know the rules."
"Shampoo no want stupid Ryouga! Shampoo want Ranma!"
"How about it sonny-boy? Come on, don't tell me you don't find Shampoo
attractive?" Cologne asked Ranma. "It's not entirely too late, y'know."
"That's alright. Ryouga can have her."
"RANMA YOU BASTARD!!!" Ryouga stomped on Ranma's foot.
"We had best leave before overstaying our welcome, yes?" Cologne was
thinking of the court order. She was grateful that nobody called the
police yet.
Shampoo gave Ryouga an angry glare. Mousse recognized that stare. It
was a stare he was subjected to hundreds of times before, and Ranma once
before. At that moment, Shampoo _really_ didn't like Ryouga.
It was clear to Mousse that Ryouga was not a direct rival for Shampoo's
heart, it was just stupid Amazon law getting in the way. He sighed. {I
guess there's no other options left. I'm gonna either have to beat up
Shampoo or kill that old ghoul.}
Ranma was thinking of the implications. {Hm... Ukyou _might_ have a
thing for Ryouga, and now he's engaged to Shampoo. Well, that's two
problems off my back!}
Shampoo had other ideas. {Shampoo engaged to Ranma first! No marry
Ryouga!} Then she remembered her original plan. {Shampoo almost forget!
Kill Akane!} "Aiy-Yaah!" She leapt for Akane's throat...
-----------
[Later]
Kodachi was in a foul mood. For some strange reason, nobody was home
to pick up the phone. Nobody could bail her out. And Ranma seemed to be
out of the house all the time too. Curse this day!
The local authorities just didn't understand, she was on a task too
important to be interrupted! So what if the plan involved the death of
Akane Tendou? She was in the way. Kodachi was determined to capture her
Ranma's heart, even if it meant chemicals and handcuffs. Restraining
orders be damned!
The cell she occupied was empty, which was a relief for her. She would
refuse to be locked up with common criminals and peasants. Then her cell
door opened.
"YOU!" Kodachi yelled. {It's the ramen wench!}
"Aiy-yah! You!" Shampoo yelled. {She crazy psycho girl!}
Kodachi bellowed for the guards "I will not stay in the same cell as
this lowly waitress peasant! Remove her at once!"
"What you talking about, stupid girl! You get out of Shampoo's cell!"
They looked at each other, battle auras flaring brightly.
Two hours later the riot squad managed to stop the fight.
-------------
[The next day]
Ranma was _mad_. {That jerk Ryouga, makin' me look bad like that. It
ain't my fault Shampoo surprised me. Damn Pig.} He sat by the pond,
fuming.
Leaning on his back was Akane. "C'mon, don't feel bad about it.
Ryouga's just really protective about his friends, that's all. I'm sure
he didn't mean to be so hard on you."
{Revenge, you dirty little pig. Ah... I got it!}
Ranma jumped into the pool, getting instant Ranma-chan. With an evil
grin she bounded away. "Be back in a while, Akane!"
------------
Tatewaki Kunou sat in the front of his abode, enjoying the weather and
comtemplating a most important decision. He closed his eyes deep in
thought. Then he opened them suddenly. "I shall have them both!" he
yelled. He quickly picked up a cellular phone and dialed. "Hello? Yes,
I would like to have an order of beefbowl and vegetable stir fry
delivered. Yes, this is the Kunou residence again. Thirty minutes you
say! The Gods themselves would protest in waiting at such length!"
"Hey! Kunou! Anybody home!"
Tatewaki Kunou knew _that_ voice. "Hello? Very well, I shall await 30
minutes. Good day." He hung up the phone and looked around. "Pig-Tailed
Goddess! My love!" Kunou rushed to her, arms outstretched. *WHACK*
"Oh good, you're here." She removed her elbow from his face and ran
out into the street.
"Ah, she had spoken of me with approval! I shall win her heart yet!
WAIT FOR ME MY LOVE!!!" Kunou happily raced after his heart's desire.
"Neither the ravages of time nor the boundless stretches of space shall
come between us! 'Tis no mountain high enough, nor any valley low enough!
Pig-tailed girl, I love youuuuuuu!!"
-----------
Ryouga was sweeping the front of Ucchan's. He took a deep breath. The
mornings were getting cooler, the air more enjoyable. He closed his eyes
and relaxed.
Then something glomped him.
He opened his eyes to see Ranma-chan giving him a big bear-hug. "Hey,
what the hell are you doing!" Ryouga yelled.
Ranma-chan looked up to him, evil smile included. "Ryouga, my MASTER,
my DARLING!" she yelled, loudly. "PLEASE don't hurt me!"
"Yaaah! You pervert! Get offa me!" Ryouga was now not only angry,
but sickened. He elbow-smashed her off.
Undaunted, she pulled herself to him again, closed her eyes and pulled
herself towards him.
{OH MY GOSH HE'S GOING TO KISS ME!} Ryouga froze in horror. A deep
protective reflex was set off and he shoved her away, scrambling backwards
at the same time.
"Heheheh, gotcha." Ranma-chan muttered.
"W-what? Ranma, what are you up to?" Ryouga said, grabbing her by
the collar.
"YOU! Cease thy vile activities now! So commands Blue Thunder!"
Kunou roared.
Ryouga let go of Ranma, looking angrily at Kunou. "What do YOU want?"
"I had seen what barbarian actions you had committed against this
helpless beauty! How dare you even touch her!" Kunou raised his bokken.
"Worthless dog! I had always known you were a low sort, Hibiki, and now I
know why you frequently were in the company of that vile sorcerer Saotome!
You had learned the black arts from that unholy enchanter and used what
thou had learned to enslave the pig-tailed girl!"
"Hey, wait just one moment!"
"SILENCE, FIEND! I had seen with MINE OWN EYES this innocent lass
proclaim her affections to you! See?" He pointed his bokken at Ranma, a
dramatic look on his face. "She smiles at you even now, after you dare
strike at her! Stand aside, lovely goddess, I shall smite this wretched
infidel!" Kunou charged.
"Ranmaaaa... I'll get you for this..." Ryouga muttered.
Ranma looked at him with big girly-eyes and said, "Hey, hold this" and
threw something at Ryouga, who caught it one-handed.
"What the.... a watermelon?"
Silently, Ranma shoved Ryouga towards the charging Kunou....
"HIBIKI, DIE!" *whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*
*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*
*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*whack*
"There, ya jerk," Ranma said, "now we're even."
---------------
The various warring tribes of Furinkan had finally reached an
agreement. The quest to dispose of Ranma, everyone agreed, was a worthy
one. The problem was overcrowding on the battlefield.
The solution?
There was a knock on the Tendou household. Ranma opened the door, but
nobody was there. Just before he closed it, he noticed a piece of paper
taped to the door. "What's this?" he said to himself.
FURINKAN HIGH SCHOOL CLUB ASSOCIATION:
PROJECT "FREE AKANE" ROTATION SCHEDULE
======================================
Attacks to be held every Tuesday and Thursday
Tenative schedule for October
1st week: Kendo Club / Chem Club
2nd week: Football Team / Tennis Team
3rd week: Homemaking Club / Sumo Team
"They have _got_ to be kidding." Ranma muttered.
---------------
Kodachi smiled.
She'd finally been released from that horrid jail today, and while she
was stuck there, she was busy thinking about a possible formula blend
originating from a rather unusual source.
She'd gotten an extract from Sasuke, who had obtained a sample of the
item when doing routine surveilance on the Tendos. Apparently, he'd
overheard that the old letch of the Tendo home had somehow obtained some
'fall in love' pills, and sought to obtain them. However, the many twists
and turns those pills took were too difficult for him to follow, as he
lost track of them while being distracted by great hardships (or so he
told the Kuno siblings...) bvt managed to keep track of the last of the
pills. Akane had accidentally swallowed it, while the family was
vacationing at the beach, but managed to spit it out into the ocean. From
there, it was consumed by a octopus, which began chasing after Happosai.
After that, it was a wild, hour-long chase with a harpoon gun for Sasuke
of epic proportions that would have made Jacques Cousteau proud. When the
octopus was finally caught, there was still enough of the pill left to
take in for analysis.
The effort he'd put into it had earned him a one day vacation, which,
by Kodachi standards, was rather generous.
Kodachi's first analysis of the drug impressed her. Very interesting
blend of chemicals, and she felt replication should be possible. Maybe
she could even improve on the original formula. In her lab, she had
worked hard to break down the substance and copy its properties. The
result of her labor was now in a small vial which she held up to the
light.
She put the vial down and went to a room full of wigs, makeup, and
clothing. "What to wear, what to wear...." She knew that the risk of
being spotted by one of the Tendou family was high, and appearing before
the Tendous again might land her back in jail, so she decided on going in
disguise. "Ah, I know just the thing!" She pulled together various
items. {The plan was perfect} she thought, {and ironic too. Wearing the
guise of one of my most hated rivals!}
Kodachi, in her disguise, held up a vial of clear liquid, and sounded
off the patented Kodachi-laugh.
"Ohhohohohohoho! Ranma darling, you're MINE."
------
Ryouga was angry. Furious. Really ticked off. "How dare he!" Ryouga
yelled, "How dare he do this to me! Saotome, I will get revenge!" Ryouga
took a walk to calm himself down, but realized too late that this was a
bad idea.
He was already lost.
It was a school day tommorrow. It would probably take several days for
him to make it back to Ucchan's. Then he heard someone happily humming
down the street.
Ryouga turned around to see who was approaching.
A girl.
Red hair.
Pig-tail.
Red Chinese outfit.
RANMA.
Looking at some little glass container, too....
He hid behind a corner and waited for her to come by. As she walked
past, he lunged out and grabbed her one-handed by the neck. "Ha! Got you,
you jerk!"
"Ack."
"Oh, what's this? Looks like a potion or something. You were gonna
play another little joke on me, eh?"
"Ack." she said. There's not much you can say when you're being
choked.
"Well. Ha ha." He took the container, opened it, and forced the
contents into her mouth. "C'mon, swallow!" He kept one hand over her
mouth and hit her in the stomach.
*gulp*
He tossed her on the floor. "I've given up on my vendetta against you.
I just want to get on with my life, alright? See you later." Ryouga
walked away. "Now to find a pay phone..."
The girl was extremely, incredibly, hazardously, unbelieveably _mad_.
She glared at Ryouga as she fixed her clothing. {HOW DARE HE! HOW DARE
HE! HIBIKI SHALL DIE SLOWLY FOR THAT! SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY! DIE DIE
DI-}
The potion finally hit.
"Daaaarling," She purred, as she looked at the figure in the
distance, tilted her head to one side, and grinned madly. She giggled
uncontrollably and raced towards him.
Ryouga felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around. Kodachi, still
in her disguise, glomped onto him and gave him a _very_ deep and _very_
long kiss. Her hands traveled across Ryouga's back and sides. While she
was doing all of this, Kodachi decided to get two handfulls of Ryouga rear
end. Ryouga's brain was shorted out. He was blindsided, so he had no
idea who was doing this. He focused his eyes on the person.
It was a girl.
{Good.}
This was his first intense physical contact with the opposite sex, and
at the moment it was... good. Great. Niiice. Unfortunately, Ryouga's
brain finallly snapped back into it's standard operating system and had a
good look at exactly _who_ was kissing him.
Red hair.
{I prefer brunettes, but red isn't bad.}
Chinese outfit.
{She wears it well.}
Pigtail....
{Wait... no... something's wrong... _oh_no_}
_Deep_ within Ryouga's soul, he screamed in horror.
He turned _very_ pale.
She finally disengaged from the kiss, nibbled his ear a bit, and looked
at Ryouga with red-hot passion in her eyes.
Ryouga stumbled back, holding his throat, spitting everywhere, and
wiped his mouth alot. "RANMA! HAVE YOU GONE INSANE?!?!?!?!" He yelled.
Then he noticed _how_ she was looking at him.
"Darling? Something wrong?" she said, in a sultry low voice.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"
And thus, the pursuit was on, with Ryouga smashing through walls in a
panic-stricken run, with Kodachi happily chasing after...
- end part 3 -
===========================================
Part IV
Ranma & Mousse's "Operation: True Romance!"
===========================================
[Early Fall] October
The back door of the Nekohanten flew open suddnely, disrupting the
tranquil mode of the surrounding area.
With a violent sounding *WHAM* a boy in white chinese robes flew at
sub-sonic speeds out of the doorway and into a pile of trash.
"STUPID MOUSSE!"
"S-sh-shampoo...."
-SLAM-
Mousse closed his eyes and sighed. Ranma was out out of the way.
Things should've gotten easier, right?
--------
It was a nice, mild fall day. The air was cool, the sun not
unpleasantly warming to the skin, and a gentle breeze blew the leaves
slightly. It was a nice day to be in the forest, as long as you weren't
in front of a red umbrella. It zoomed through the wind, sliced a tree,
curved in it's flight path, and landed neatly in Ryouga's hand. "Hah...
I've still got the touch." Ryouga snapped the umbrella shut, held it like
a sword, and took a few practice swings.
Ukyou sat nearby up in the branches of a tree. "Hey, where'd you learn
to fight with that thing anyways?" she asked, pointing to Ryouga's
umbrella.
"Oh... well, it's a kinda long story."
Ukyou looked around. The sun was fairly high in the sky. The forest
was fairly empty. "Well... seems we've got time."
"I, ah, guess you're right," he shrugged. "Anyways, it all started a
little after Ranma ran away from our man to man fight."
"Are you STILL calling it 'running away'?" said Ukyou in disbelief.
"Yes I am!"
"He waited for ya THREE DAYS, y'know."
"He could've waited ONE MORE DAY! WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN SO HARD?!"
Ukyou scowled. "Who ever heard of waiting FOUR DAYS after the fight
was supposed to take place, huh?"
"Why are you defending him anyways?!" shot back Ryouga.
"I am NOT defending him! I'm just saying you're being STUPID!"
Ryouga stood there, simmering. "Oh yeah? Well at least I didn't turn
myself into A MACHO CROSSDRESSING UNCUTE TOMBOY!"
Immediately after he said it, Ryouga felt extreme alarm and panic.
{Did I actually say that? Oh no!} He quickly blamed it all on being near
Ranma too much.
Unfortunately, Ukyou didn't care to think about any explanations.
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!?!" she roared, with the power that only an
enraged woman could generate.
"Wait! No! I didn't mean it!"
*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*CLANG*
An hour later...
Ukyou sat under the shade of a tree, humming absentmindedly some tune
she'd heard from somewhere, sitting by a fairly beaten up Ryouga.
"Sorry I pounded you like that," muttered Ukyou.
"Sorry I said... what I said," mumbled Ryouga.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, sure, I've been through worse. How's your spatula?"
Ukyou held it up to the sunlight, where a notable impression was
evident. "Well... the dent shaped like your face is kinda surprising... I
guess I swung it really fast that time. Oughta be easy to fix, though."
"Oh... good."
Birds flew by.
Crickets chirped.
The cool gentle breeze flowed by.
"Say... what were we talking about anyways?" asked Ukyou.
"Dunno."
A few minutes later...
"Just remembered," said Ukyou.
"Remembered what?" wondered Ryouga.
"What I was asking."
"You were?"
"Yeah. I was asking about your umbrella."
"What about it?"
"How you learned how to use it like a weapon?"
"Oh that.... okay." He sat up, stretching a bit and held his umbrella
in his hands, looking thoughtful. "I stumbled into this dojo while..."
Ukyou glared at him, "... while wandering around China. It specialized
in... how did they put it? Oh yeah, 'Unorthodox Weaponry' Martial Arts."
Briefly, he glanced at Ukyou. "Hey, you wouldn't be a member, would you?"
"What? What'd make you ask that?"
"Well, you _do_ use spatulas, and they did have a kitchenware
division."
"Nope. Coincidence."
"Oh. Anyways, they had a division for umbrellas and since I had to
carry around an umbrella anyways, I figured I'd learn how to use it."
"Umbrella. Martial. Arts. Right...."
"Okay, it sounds weird, but I'm telling you, it was there. Now that I
think about it, it was weird. I thought I was in China, but I stumble
into this dojo with everyone speaking perfect japanese. Hmm....Anyways, I
was getting really good at it." For a moment, he smiled with pride. Then
it faded off into a blank expression. "But... but while I was there I
forgot about my vendetta with Ranma. I guess I was distracted by learning
a new fighting technique. Anyways, it was a nice time. The senseis were
good teachers, and I met a few people..."
"Like who?"
"It's hard to remember... there was this guy I used to spar with all
the time. He was quiet, kind of intense, but polite. And then there was
his sister... she was nice to me."
"Oh? A girlfriend?" teased Ukyou.
"What?"
"She was your girlfriend, riiight?" continued Ukyou.
"N-no! Hey! It wasn't like that!"
"Suuuure."
"Hey!"
"C'mon, I'm just teasing. Calm down, pig-boy. C'mon, finish your
story."
"Alright... and don't call me pig-boy." Ryouga scowled briefly, then
resumed. "Eventually, I thought I was ready to continue after Ranma, and
I knew that he was headed for China, so I left. It was kind of abrupt,
but I had to hurry. I spent too much time there already, and Ranma
might've left China and gone anywhere."
"Ever wonder how things might've been if you didn't leave?" wondered
Ukyou.
"I could've leared a few great techniques from the sensei... although
at the time I thought I was good enough to beat Ranma. Guess I wasn't
after all."
"Ranma Ranma Ranma, stop talking about _him_. What kinda techniques
did the sensei do that you didn't?" queried Ukyou, shuffling slightly and
lying back against the tree.
Ryouga leaned back as well, eyeing the rather nice beginnings of a
sunset in the sky. "Well, he could ki-blast with his umbrella. Had
something to do with the carving on the handle. I think. He could guide
his umbrella around alot better than I just did. Another thing he did was
show me some design principals in making combat umbrellas. There were all
sorts of ways to make umbrellas. There was one design contained blades,
one that extended to become a staff, one that held poisons, all sorts of
stuff."
"Sounds neat. Wonder if they did anything that fancy for giant
spatualas," wondered Ukyou, taking a look at her own weapon and mulling
over some weaponry modifications.
"The best designer that the school ever had was this gaijin guy, kinda
fat and arrogant. Great designs, though. Last I heard about him was that
he went to a life of crime in some big American city."
"Sounds familiar..."
"Anyways, as part of training, every student builds his own umbrella.
This one," said Ryouga, as he lifted his umbrella, "was one of several I
built during my stay. It's for sheer hitting power. Breaks cement
nicely."
"Several?"
"One was cut in half during my first fight with Ranma. Anyways, all of
mine are identical."
"What is that thing made of anyways? It's really heavy."
"I Don't know. I just went to this warehouse one day with my master.
He said something about good quality and told me to use this stuff if I
was going to use the design that I had laid out."
"So... you just left one day?"
"Yup."
"And you never visited there again?"
"Actually... I could never find it again."
Ukyou rolled her eyes upward. "Figures."
They sat under the tree, in silence, as the sun sank towards the
skyline, talking of miscellaneous things. Of school, and of shop, mostly.
However, Uyou couldn't help but notice something seemed to be bothering
Ryouga.
"Something bothering you?" she asked.
"Eh? Oh, nothing, nothing." said Ryouga. He hoped to get away from
his troubles with this little trip to the woods, but they wouldn't get out
of his head. Actually, the memory of what he thought was Ranma-chan
giving him a deep french kiss was still haunting him. Ryouga was
permanently scarred by that memory. He tried to block it out, but as with
any truly horrible event, the memory of it just kept on back, making
Ryouga sick to his stomach. Dammit, his first kiss was from RANMA???
Blech.
"I'm glad we're out here. It's nice to leave the city every now and
then." said Ryouga.
"Speaking of leaving things... Ryouga, you feeling any better
about..."
"Hm?"
"Y'know, about Akane."
"Oh, that. Well... I dunno. I still feel, well, uncomfortable. How
about you?"
"You took the words right outta my mouth."
The two looked out into the woods silently for a moment.
"Well, the best we can do now is wish Akane-"
"And Ranchan," Ukyou added.
Ryouga gritted his teeth, "Yeah, and him, a happy marriage. But
still... I can't help but think that there's still time for me to do
something about this. I can't let it end like this. I just can't..." He
closed his eyes.
"Hey, it's getting dark. Let's get back." She gave him a light elbow.
"You ready to practice on your directions?"
"Yeah, sure, no problem."
"Don't forget to use the compass."
"Yeah, yeah. Quit nagging."
"Who's nagging?"
"You are!"
"Shut up!"
---------
Much Later...
Ukyou and Ryouga sat at a table within Ucchan's, playing a round of
poker.
"You did good today, Ryouga. Ten hours. Big improvement. Used to
take you two days to get back to the house.."
"Thanks. By the way, you done?"
"Yep. Show'em."
Ryouga displayed his cards with confidence. "Three aces. Beat that."
Ukyou flashed her cards with more confidence. "Full house. Hah!"
Suddenly, the creak of the front door was heard. They both turned
their heads to see standing in the open doorway... Shampoo.
Strangely, Shampoo had a look of ... it was hard to describe. It was
something like mild boredom mixed with the look of being stuck with a job
that she really didn't want.
She turned away, looking at someone neither Ukyou nor Ryouga could see.
Shampoo then nodded her head, sighing, and closed the door quietly.
_boom_
The door exploded into splinters, but in a strange way. Compared to
the other times Shampoo smashed down doors and walls, this effort was
weak, with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm. The door exploded _lazily_.
Shampoo once again appeared, and turned to an unseen person once more.
"I have to?" she asked the unseen person. Then she sighed, lazily
pointed a bonbori at Ryouga, and with a deadpan face and a not very
enthusiastic voice, said, "Nii hao. Ryouga." Shampoo turned away,
looking again at the unseen person, then continued, "You. Come. Marry.
Shampoo. Now." It sounded very much like she was reading from a script,
and not doing a good job of it as well. She looked back one last time,
turned to Ryouga again, rolled up her eyes and said "Wuoda. Airen."
From outside, the other person was finally heard. "Bah! Great
Granddaughter, you're embarrassing me! This is a disgrace. I'm going
back to the cafe." Cologne threw down her cue cards in disgust and
stomped back (yes, _stomped_, even though she was using her stick to walk
around) to the Nekohanten.
Ryouga spoke to Shampoo first. "You... really don't want this, right?"
"No."
Ukyou asked, "you can't break this engagement?"
"No."
Shampoo closed her eyes. She sniffled a bit.
Ryouga knew what was going to happen next. He'd seen something very
similar plenty of times at the Tendou's.
Suddenly, Shampoo burst out into a full Soun Tendou Wail (tm). Through
the gushers of tears she was able to sob "Shampoo want Ranma!" and began
to sink to her knees. Ryouga took off a bandanna and offered it to her.
She blew her nose in it and offered it back. Ryouga politely declined.
After all, there was more where that came from.
Mousse came in. "Shampoo? Is Shampoo in here? Oh, what's Mr. Tendou
doing here, and crying again too?"
"Mousse," Ukyou said, slapping his glasses down to his eyes,"that's
Shampoo."
Mousse ran up to her, arms outstretched in a gesture of love.
"Shampoo!!! *WHAM* UGGH!!!"
Shampoo, still crying, returned her fist to her side. Mousse extracted
himself from the wall.
Ukyou sighed. "Another exciting Friday night, eh Ryouga?"
"Isn't it?" Ryouga nodded solemnly.
"Hey, Mousse, wanna join in the poker game? Wait around until Shampoo
calms down anyways." queried Ukyou.
"Oh, sure. Thank you."
Ukyou looked over at the wailing Shampoo. "Anybody ever sat down yet
and had a long talk with her yet? She should've gotten over it by now."
Mousse looked at Ukyou curiously. "Have you? Gotten over it, I
mean..."
"Well... sorta, yeah. Definitely more than she has." In the back of
Ukyou's mind a familiar chorus began {NOT married YET! NOT married YET!}
"Maybe someone ought to, before this whole thing gets out of hand,"
Ryouga suggested. "She was really psychotic before."
"Has Ranchan ever talked to her about it?"
"Is that such a good idea?" Mousse asked.
"Well, he talked things over with me. I felt better about it." She
said. {No I don't} she thought to herself. "Maybe it'll work for her?"
The boys looked deep in thought. Ryouga was wondering how quickly
she'd maim Ranma. Mousse was wondering if he should begin dipping into
the passion spice supplies and cook up something for Shampoo.
Then Ryouga remembered another problem of his.
"Hey, Mousse. Look, I don't mean to offend you, but will you hurry up
and beat up Shampoo?"
"WHAT?"
"Or have you forgotten? The old ghoul has shoved ME into being her
next son-in-law! I don't wanna marry Shampoo!"
"You want me to hurt Shampoo?!"
"Look duck-boy, I don't see any other alternative at the moment.
C'mon, be a man and beat her up! Hey, she's still sobbing now! Get over
there and hit her with something heavy while she's distracted!"
"I... it... just... to strike now.... that would be dishonorable.
Besides, I just couldn't hurt her!"
"What? You think Ranma beat Shampoo HONORABLY? Some big arranged
fight? Let me tell you, he beat her totally by accident, and when she was
fighting with someone else! You tell me how HONORABLE that is, eh? Go
and be a man! Hit her while she's not looking! Just get her off of my
hands, okay?"
"Guys," Ukyou interrupted, "we're gonna have a poker night over at
Ranchan's in a couple of days. You guys wanna come? I mean, Mousse, you
might be able to get together with Ranma and come up with a plan to get
Shampoo. He's told me he wants to help you out."
"Oh really? Why?" Mousse was suspicious.
"You remember when she attacked Akane?"
"Oh."
"How about you, Ryouga? C'mon." She knew he might have a hard time
going back there, but she hoped this final test would push him to get over
Akane. Had she thought more on this, she'd have discovered something
surprising about her motives.
"Um... if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not..."
"C'mon, don't be such a baby."
"Who're you calling a baby?"
"Who do you think, pig-boy?"
----------------
"Ucchan," Ranma muttered, "I don't believe you did this."
Before him, Ranma had a considerable number of his "old friends".
Mousse was there, sitting next to and looking at Shampoo, who was
sniffling into the bandanna that Ryouga had given her several days ago.
Ukyou was there shuffling the cards. Akane was sitting next to Ranma,
looking uneasily at Shampoo.
Ryouga looked shellshocked. Every now and then he'd glance at Akane
and Ranma. Whenever he glanced at Akane he looked more depressed. Every
time he looked at Ranma, Ryouga looked more horrified. Ranma had earlier
asked Ryouga what was bothering him, but Ryouga just screamed and hid
behind Ukyou.
Then Akane punched Ranma and told him to stop picking on Ryouga.
The potential for disaster was fairly high already. All they needed
was Kunou and his sister.
"Ranchan, c'mon, you agreed to this. Besides, you need to do something
about Shampoo. In fact... maybe now would be a good time?"
Ranma sighed. He wasn't going to look forward to this. What was
probbably going to happen was Shampoo would glomp unto him and Akane would
boot him through the roof. After all, that's what always happened in the
past. Resigned to his fate, Ranma walked to Shampoo.
"Shampoo, we need to talk."
All eyes turned nervously towards the pair. They knew what Shampoo was
capable of, and were ready to tackle her to the ground if she went on a
homocidal rage.
"You want talk to Shampoo?" She looked sad.
Ranma looked around. "Tell you what, follow me." They both headed
outside. This puzzled everyone.
"Hey," Mousse said, holding Ranma by the shoulder, "what are you
doing?"
"Look, she's upset already. I'm trying to reject her as gently as
possible. We're gonna be on the roof. If you hear any crashing noise,
get up there and help me."
And so Ranma and Shampoo stepped out of the room and to the roof.
"Shampoo, you gotta understand..." Ranma muttered. The two sat out on
the roof in the moonlight, Ranma continuing to talk, and Shampoo turning
away, looking more empty by the minute.
Meanwhile, back in the room, the card game resumed.
"I fold," Akane said.
"I'm in," Mousse followed.
"I'll raise ya ten" Ryouga confidently said.
"Mousse, y'think they're gonna be okay up there?" Ukyou asked.
"I'm sure. But keep your weapons ready."
"By the way," Ukyou said, "Ryouga, what's bothering you so much?"
Ryouga looked noticably ill when Ranma was in the room, and it didn't
go unnoticed. "I don't want to talk about it." Ryouga firmly said.
Suddenly there was the loud sound of feet running and Ranma yelling.
Everyone stood up. Mousse whipped out baseball bats, Ryouga held his
umbrella at the ready, Ukyou gripped her mega-spatula, and Akane hefted
her mallet.
"Yaah! Get her away from me!" Ranma yelled and ran into the room.
What followed wasn't what they expected.
"O-hohohoho! Ranma darling! Wait!"
Everyone stared blankly at Kodachi.
"Her?" Ukyou asked.
"Oh, I guess she finally got out of jail," Akane added.
"She was in jail?" Ryouga asked.
Suddenly, Kodachi stopped in her tracks. "Ryouga darling?"
Everyone looked at Ryouga. "Ryouga DARLING?" Ukyou asked angrily.
"What?" Ryouga asked. He was as confused as the rest of them.
"Ryouga darling! *glomp* I've found you at last!"
Ranma looked at Ryouga. "Hey, Ryouga, when did this happen?"
"I don't know! What's going on? Help!"
"Oh, Ranma darling! I've got a gift for both of you!" With lightning
speed, she whipped out two bouquets of black roses. She threw one at
Ranma, which exploded in front of his face, and shoved the other in
Ryouga's face.
"Ack." Ranma said, holding his nose.
"I can't move" Ryouga mumbled.
"Yeah, paralysis powder. Good thing I held my breath."
"Ah, at least I've caught my Ryouga darling! Come, give me your lips!"
Suddenly, Kodachi was pried off by a titanic spatula.
"Get off him, girl."
"Oh-ho-ho, so you're after his heart as well, are you?"
"What? NO! Of course not! It's just not nice to go around poisoning
and kissing people! Get out of here!" She pointed at Kodachi with her
spatula.
"Kodachi," Ranma asked, "you're after Ryouga now?"
Suddenly, Kodachi turned to Ranma. "Ah, my darling Ranma! I don't
know what to do! Shall I pursue the hansome Ranma or shall I choose the
herculean Ryouga?"
Kodachi closed her eyes deep in thought. Then opened them.
"I cannot bear to depart with either! I must have you both!" She ran
to Ranma, bouquet in hand. Suddenly, a mallet crashed into her head and
she was booted unceremoniously out by Akane.
"I don't believe her! She's EXACTLY like her brother Kunou!"
"Alas! Did someone utter my name? I, Tatewaki Kuno AM HERE!" boomed
the bokken manster. Everyone was startled by his sudden appearance.
"Uh oh." Ryouga was worried. He was still paralyzed.
"Greetings. I have come in search of the pig-tailed girl and... YOU!"
Kunou yelled, pointing his bokken at Ryouga, "You enslaver and abuser of
women!" and then noticed Ranma. "AND YOU! EVIL SORCERER! I shall smite
thee BOTH!"
"Help!" Ryouga squeaked, "I'm still paralyzed!"
Reflexively, Ranma punched the charging Kunou. Ukyou caught him with
her assault spatula and flipped him out the door, where he would have
exited this little scene except that he collided with the returning
Kodachi. Both crashed onto the floor but recovered quickly.
*CRASH* Yet another Tendou household wall came crashing down, revealing
an angry Shampoo, with bonbori in hand. "Where stupid crazy girl?!
Shampoo KILL!"
"Guys," Ranma said, "this is getting ugly. RUN!"
"Why?" Akane asked.
"You want the house wrecked even more? We're running out of insurance
companies, an' Pop and Mr. Tendou aren't gonna be happy."
"Oh. RUN!!!"
Ranma, Akane and Mousse stampeded out through the Shampoo-made hole in
the wall. Ukyou was about to join them when she heard Ryouga squeaking
pitifully "I can't move! Help!"
Ukyou sighed, hefted Ryouga onto her back and put his arms around her
neck. "C'mon, let's get outta here."
"Ranma," Mousse asked, "what happened to Shampoo?"
"Back there, I think, about to kill Kodachi."
"Oh, good."
The five of them could be seen, four shadows hopping across rooftops
(Ukyou was still carrying Ryouga with difficulty) followed by two other
figures.
"Hibiki, stand your ground you coward!"
"Ryouga darling! Ranma darling! Wait!"
And finally there was one figure at the end waving bonbori and yelling,
"Crazy psycho girl, I KILL!!!"
Suddenly a large explosion burst and a section of roof nearby was
severely damaged. Tsubasa, flying in the Mishima heavy industries
aircraft POISON-1, came into view and he turned on the loudspeakers.
"HIBIKI, LET GO OF UKYOU _NOW_"
Everyone ran faster. Ukyou screamed "I don't believe this! TSUBASA!
I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!"
Ryouga muttered to himself "Why me?"
The eight figures raced into the night, chased by a mini-jet. It was
just another night in Nerima.
-----------
[the next day]
Mousse was waiting in front of Furinkan High school. He had an
arranged meeting to attend.
Ranma came up to him. "Good. You showed up."
"Hey, I'm not Ryouga."
Briefly, Mousse looked nervous. "Ranma, you and Akane still are okay,
right? I mean, you still want to marry her, yes?"
"Well, yeah."
"Good to hear it!" Mousse said, giving a large grin and patted Ranma on
the back.
{I wonder why he's asking} Ranma thought, and then dismissed it as just
an icebreaker in conversation. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyways, I need
your help, and I think it would help us both in the end."
"Really?"
"I've got a plan."
Mousse looked at Ranma suspiciously. Maybe Ranma always was the best
when it came to martial arts battles, but it's been known that his
scheming skills were sometimes woefully inadequate.
"You sure about this?"
"Well, maybe Akane doesn't think this is a great idea, but that doesn't
mean much. You know your way around those weird spices Cologne always
uses, right?"
Mousse looked uneasy again. "Well, yes."
"Good. Now here's the plan...."
-----------
Akane was walking along the Nerima streets, which was usual. She was
walking with Ryouga, which wasn't. Normally after school she'd be
accompanying Ranma, but he said he was going to meet with Mousse to work
on a plan that Akane suggested was destined for disaster. Also, Ukyou had
asked Akane to guide Ryouga home since she had to attend to some business
about her restaraunt which forced her to leave school earlier than
everyone else, including Ryouga.
"Akane, tell me something," Ryouga said.
"Yes?"
"Has Ranma been acting... strange lately?"
"Strange? Like how?"
"Er... I dunno. Acting a bit... um... happier, maybe? Not looking at
you so much anymore? Dressing up in your clothes? Something like that?"
"What? No, I don't think so. Why do you ask?"
Ryouga was looking a bit shaky.
"Hey, Ryouga, you okay?"
"Um, er, yeah. Fine. Just feel a bit of a cold coming on."
"Good thing you've got such a nice girl like Ukyou waiting at home to
take care of you."
"W-what?"
"Aren't you two ... y'know..."
"No! No, we're not!"
She stopped walking, and turned to face him. "Why not?"
Ryouga was surprised at this. {What's she thinking? Why is she asking
me if I'm dating Ukyou?}
"I mean," Akane continued, "you've been mooching off of her for several
months now, she always helps you around, and there must have been _some_
reason why you moved in with her to begin with, right?"
"Er..." Ryouga realized that nobody ever told Akane how he felt, not
even himself. To explain that now would be too awkward.
"You've always seemed so lonely, getting lost so much and not having a
home. Now you two are getting along great, and you're telling me that you
two AREN'T in a relationship?"
"Well, yes."
"Why don't you go for it?"
"It's just," he stumbled. {Akane... I still...} "I mean..."
"C'mon, don't you think she's cute? I think you'll make a great
couple."
"I, ah, I'm just not interested, I guess. Okay?"
Finally, they reached Ucchan's. Ukyou was sweeping outside. Akane
whispered into Ryouga's ear, "Think about it, okay?" then waved goodbye
to Ukyou.
Ryouga waved goodbye to Akane as she walked away. And waved. And
waved...
*CLANG*
"OUCH! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR???"
"Snap out of it!"
Not picking his words with tact, Ryouga yelled back, "What's your
problem? Jealous?"
Ukyou narrowed her eyes and turned around, walking into the store. "I
am _not_ jealous."
"Suuuure," teased Ryouga, who for some odd reason just felt like
teasing her.
"THAT'S IT!" With alarmig quickness, she pulled out her mega-spatula
and slammed him into the sky. As he sailed past a flock of birds, Ryouga
wondered if he'd find his way back before sundown. He could camp out if
he had to, but he'd rather not.
---------------
Outside the Tendou residence, someone in a suit stared at the house.
"Well, this is the place... but I don't see him here. Maybe he's on a
trip or something. Ah, well, I'll just check back in a couple of weeks."
---------------
Meanwhile, at the Tendou kitchen...
A pot boiled, its steam writhing with magical essence. Two figures
stood over it watching with interest.
"I'd have done this sooner, but the old ghoul always watches over what
happens in the kitchen," Mousse solemnly said.
"So this is the stuf, eh? You sure about this, Mousse?"
Mousse smiled. "Well, it sure worked on ... it worked. I'm sure of
that."
"Well, let's get to work. Where's Shampoo?"
"She should be over at the Nekohanten by now."
"Alright, get to it. Good luck."
---------------
Ukyou sat in her store, fuming. Then she cooled down. The
side-effects of what she had just done finally dawned on her.
"Oh no, he'll be lost for days."
She ran out the door in search of him.
{That jackass... now I've gotta go find him.?}
---------------
Mousse spotted Shampoo sitting at the window table of the Nekohanten in
a gloomy mood.
"Are you okay, Shampoo?"
"Leave Shampoo alone." She replied, with not much emotion in her
voice.
"You look terrible. Did you even eat yet today?" Mousse knew
Shampoo's habits. Ever since Ranma decided, Shampoo had a considerable
loss in appetite. She did eat rarely, and right now seemed to be the
right time.
"Look, I'll leave this out here for you," he said, leaving a bowl of
ramen in front of her, "just leave the bowl and I'll clean up."
Shampoo sighed. Mousse hovered nearby. He knew that he had to be
nearby when the spices took affect. He also knew that he couldn't act
suspicious or else she'd know there was something going on. Normally she
would already be suspicious, but in her depressed state she let her
defenses down.
Mousse really didn't believe in this plan. He'd thought of it on his
own plenty of times before but dismissed it as a dishonorable way to win
over her heart. However, as time had gone by, he felt that his own window
of opportunity was running out fast. Mousse was becoming desperate enough
to resort to this trick.
Shampoo picked up a fork...
---------------
Ryouga wandered the streets of Nerima, aimlessly. He didn't know where
to go. His camping equipment was still back at the restaraunt. Camping
out without it would be rough.
Staying at the Tendou residence, as a boy or as a pig, would be just as
rough.
Ryouga decided to turn back and see if Ukyou had calmed down any.
Maybe, he hoped, just maybe she'd be sane.
Then he realize he was already lost. Again.
--------------
Mousse eagerly watched as she ate the ramen. And ate. And ate....
Now was the time! He stood up and was about to step into her line of
view when suddenly she stood up and yelled "Wo ai ni!" and ran forward
happily.
"My darling!" Mousse yelled, his arms outstretched.
Shampoo ran right past him and out the door.
Mousse looked alarmed. He looked around. He saw Ryouga walking
outside in the street, in perfect view from the window seat.
"NOOOOOO!" He banged his head on the table in frustration. "THIS
CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!!"
--------------
"Nii hao! Ryouga! Wo ai ni!" Shampoo cheerfully yelled as she
glomped onto Ryouga.
"Yaaaah! Get off! Get offa me!" To say that Ryouga was alarmed would
be an understatement. This time around Shampoo was VERY enthusiastic and
VERY agressive. She was also holding him _really_ tightly.
"You come marry Shampoo now, yes?"
"NO NO NO!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"
Nearby, Mousse was sneaking away. He didn't like the idea of
artificially gaining Shampoo's love, so he didn't put too much spice in.
This had turned out to be an incredibly good idea, because if he had gone
ballistic with the spices Shampoo would have been obsessed with Ryouga for
years. For now, at least, Shampoo would be chasing around Ryouga only for
an hour or so. Until then, Mousse didn't want to be around.
After all, things could get ugly, especially when the drug wore off
and Shampoo found herself in a compromising (or at least incredibly
embarrasing) position. She'd be mad, and if there was one thing he
leared from all the years of abuse it was that he shouldn't try to make
her made -at him- when she was -already- dangerously hot tempered.
--------------
{Damn damn damn damn where IS that idiot? He's gonna be lost for a
stupidly long time! Good thing this is the weekend. Where IS he?}
Ukyou walked quickly through the local streets, hoping that Ryouga
hadn't wandered off too far. Then she saw him. Wrapped by Shampoo.
Tightly. And not getting out of it.
"Why that..." {Here I was worried about him and he's going around
acting like some playboy! Who does he think he is?!}
--------------
Mousse arrived back at the Tendou dojo. This wasn't unnoticed by Ranma
since Mousse was _supposed_ to be romancing Shampoo at the time.
"Yo, Mousse, what are you doing here?"
"I'd rather not talk about it."
"Talk about what?"
"Exactly. Just let me hide here until things settle down."
"C'mon, tell me."
"Look, don't get mad, okay?"
"Fine, just tell me."
"Well, it went like this......" In a low voice Mousse explained the
disaster of the day. When he was done, he looked at Ranma, expecting to
see an angry glare or something similar.
Ranma was red in the face, holding his hand over his mouth. Then he
burst out laughing. "This is GREAT! I don't believe this! Shampoo is
chasing after RYOUGA? Oh man, I gotta get some air."
They both went to the front gate, Mousse in a serious manner, Ranma
laughing all the way.
Then Ryouga ran by.
"Go away! I don't want you! Get lost!" He frantically yelled. He
was followed closely by Shampoo, who was almost within arm's reach.
"Ryouga! You marry Shampoo yes!"
As quickly as they arrived, they zoomed by. Then Ukyou showed up,
strolling in the direction where Ryouga and Shampoo had gone. She idly
twirled her battle-spatula, looking somewhat tired. "Hey guys."
"Hiya Ucchan."
"Hello, Ukyou."
"He went that way, right?" she asked in a somewhat weary voice.
They both nodded.
Ukyou sighed. "Okay. See you guys later." She strolled down the
street, practicing a few swings with her mighty cookware instrument, a
promise of much violence to come.
Mousse and Ranma stood there for a moment, silently. Then they both
quietly went back inside the house. Sometimes it's best to be out of the
way when the action starts.
- end part 4 -
=================
Part V
Come Out And Play
=================
"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate."
- Thomas Jones
It was definite fall weather, Ryouga's favorite kind since the
traveling is easier when the weather was mild as it usually was in the
fall. He was enjoying the air, sweeping the front of Ucchan's. Suddenly,
he sensed someone watching him.
"Hey, Ryouga, you done out there? It's time to go, we're gonna be
late."
"Oh, yeah, I'll be done in a moment."
Ryouga looked around at the surrounding neighborhood, searching for
something out there, maybe hiding behind a trash can, maybe in the trees,
or hiding in the shadows. He thought he saw nothing and walked back in.
"Guess it was just Ukyou I was sensing" he muttered.
He put the broom away, looking around one last time, then walked with
Ukyou down the street.
As they walked away, someone stepped out of the shadows, brushing
leaves off of his suit.
"So, you're here."
-------
Tsubasa had really outdone himself, he thought. He proudly sat in his
new creation built out of miscellaneous Mishima Heavy Industries weaponry
and technology: The Postal-110. Ceramic armor on the outside, cushoned
inside to sustain shock impact, high voltage tazer, high-powered
rapid-fire tranquilizer gun, and built in mini-bike for getaways, and
several other interesting toys, all packed into a large mailbox. Tsubasa
had given up on the severe weaponry when he realized that Ukyou would
probably be in close proximity and in danger if he didn't aim carefully.
Tsubasa waited patiently, his new creation parked on a city street,
ready to ambush Ryouga if he came by.
***
Sasuke was outside running an errand for his master. Specifically he
was putting a letter addressed to the pig-tailed girl in the public
mailbox. He came upon one, opened it, and dumped the letter inside.
"HEY!" The mailbox yelled.
Sasuke jumped back, startled severely. He stood a safe distance away
as the mailbox suddenly grew tank treads and drove off towards two
unsuspecting figures a block away...
-------
Ryouga walked along with Ukyou, on the way to the usual poker night at
the Tendou residence. As usual, he didn't want to go. And as usual,
Ukyou picked on him until he agreed to go.
"Why do you seem so scared of Ranchan lately, Ryouga?"
"Scared? Who's scared!?!" Ryouga yelled, trying to muster all the
confidence that he could find. It didn't work.
"You are, stupid. C'mon, tell me what happened! I promise not to
tease you."
"Promise?" Ryouga asked, looking warily at Ukyou.
"Promise."
"Well, y'know, I've never kissed a girl yet."
Ukyou put a little distance between herself and him. "Hey, what're
you..."
"No! Hold on, I'm getting to the point! Er.. anyways.. I've never
kissed a girl before, until recently, and... er... I don't think this
should count as a first kiss."
"Huh? Someone kissed you?"
Ryouga nodded, looking quite embarrased.
"Sooo, who's the lucky girl?" she asked.
"Rmma," he mumbled.
"Can't hear ya, speak up," she prodded.
"Ramnnn," he mumbled.
"Ran... Ran...," Ukyou blinked, trying to think of any girls she knew
whose first letters started in 'Ran'...
"Look, sugar, I can barely hear you. Now spit it out."
"It was... Ranma, okay?"
Ukyou stopped walking. "Ran...ma?"
Ryouga nodded, looking very grave.
"Noooo," she said.
"Yes," said he.
"Er... was he a he or..."
"He was a she. But it still didn't make it feel any better." Ryouga
shivered at the memory. feeling ill.
"Oh... um... just a quick peck in the cheek or something, right? Hm?"
Ryouga winced. "Tongue."
"Aw! Now that's gross!"
"And he groped me. He even grabbed my rear." said Ryouga, shaking with
anger and revulsion.
Ukyou stared at Ryouga, stunned. Then she laughed.
"HEY! Stop laughing! This isn't funny!"
Ukyou just couldn't take this seriously. Ryouga must be mistaken,
right?
Suddenly, Ryouga sensed danger.
"Ukyou," he said, "there's trouble."
A nearby public mailbox rumbled to life and turned to face Ryouga. A
megaphone popped out as well. "Hibiki! Surrender! Now!"
"Tsubasa?" she called out. "I do -not- believe this." Ukyou muttered,
getting her battle-spatula ready.
"Go away, ya pest!" Ryouga yelled.
"Oh, is THAT the way it's gonna be?" Tsubasa yelled. "Fine!"
Suddenly, various interesting items which were probably all weaponry
popped out of the mailbox, all pointing at Ryouga.
"I do _not_ believe this," said a very nervous Ryouga.
"Run!" Ukyou yelled.
And so two figures blazed quickly through the city streets pursued by a
rampaging mailbox.
-------
Mousse, Akane, and Ranma sat in the living room of the Tendou residence,
watching televisiona and talking.
"Hey," Ranma said, "Ukyou's a little late today."
"In a hurry to lose again?" Akane teased.
"Hey, I am getting better at it."
"Yes, that is true," Mousse added, "he used to lose everything before.
Now he only loses almost everything." He nodded solemly to emphasise the
point.
"Wiseguys," Ranma grumbled. "Still, it's unusual for her to be late on
poker night."
_______
The person in black was perched in a tree near the Tendou residence.
He'd put this off for a while, but now he had nothing better to do so...
Suddenly, he was knocked off the tree and fell face-first into the
pavement. He heard a giggle and a cry of "What a haul!" and sprang back
up, twirling something in his hands.
"WHO DID THAT?!"
Happousai stopped in his tracks and turned around, looking at the
figure in shadows curiously. "Yeeeeees?"
"Did you... just run over me now?" he asked in a polite manner.
Happousai looked, amused, at this newcomer. He was dressed a bit
formally, with the black suit and all. A bit young too, maybe one of
Ranma's classmates that wanted revenge? That sort of thing seemed to be
happening alot.
"Sure did, sonny boy! What can I say, I'm in a hurry, now if you'll
excuse me," he said, pausing to sniff an undergarment.
"No... you should be more considerate to people who might kill you,"
replied the stranger.
"And who dares challenge me?" the old troll asked.
"I am Ryo Muhoshin, who the hell are you, troll?"
"Here, youngster. Catch." Happousai flung a bomb at him.
He batted away the bomb with his umbrella. "FOOL!" Ryo yelled, "You
think you can defeat me with simple firecrackers? Idiot!"
"Heh. Looks like I'll have to use a special technique of the Anything
Goes Martial Arts on you."
"I can just kill you quickly. It'll be easier for all concerned."
With the speed of lightning, Happousai ran behind Ryo, grabbed him by
the seat of his pants, yelled "HAPPO-WEDGIE-SATSU!" and yanked his
underwear up violently. With an *ACK* Ryo collapsed to the ground.
"Nnng... aargh.... kill you.... old man...."
"Yes, yes, so everyone says. The name's Happousai, MASTER Happousai,
of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. Don't mess with master
martial artists, m'boy. You could get hurt." And so Happousai bounded
away and into the Tendou home to enjoy the day's catch.
"Okay," the wedgified victim said, straightening out his undergarment,
"after I beat up Hibiki, the freak is DEAD."
"Freak?" Happousai asked, standing in front of Ryo.
"Um..."
"Did you say... freak?"
"Didn't you leave already?"
"I'll leave when I want to. But you..." said the old master, as he
used his pipe to fling Ryo to a wall, rendering him unconscious, "should
be more respectful to your elders."
-----------
"Ryouga! Got any bright ideas?" Ukyou yelled, running as fast as she
could.
"Well, one or two," Ryouga answered, "lemme see how this works out."
Ryouga jumped to the air, waaaay up high with that absurd hangtime that's
reserved for martial artists, and out of view of the Postal-110 assault
disguise.
"Darn! Where'd he go!" Tsubasa yelled. He shifted the visor of his
postal-mech left, right, and finally up, where he saw a fiery Ryouga
falling down fast. "Oh boy."
Ryouga descended like a comet, hands first, with a glowing sphere of
energy glowing inbetween them. With a yell of "SHISHI HOKOU-DAN!!!" the
ball became a blast as he crashed into the Postal-1 with his ki-blast
leading the charge, kicking up an incredible dustcloud which covered the
impact site up entirely.
"Ryouga! Are you alright! Ryouga!!!" Ukyou yelled, sounding very
worried.
"AAAARGH!" yelled Ryouga, as he was flung out of the cloud at high
speeds, wrapped up by a net, and impacted solidly into a wall. The
Postal-110 emerged from the dustcloud barely scratched.
"SURRENDER HIBIKI! THIS IS THE LATEST IN HI-TECH ARMOR, WITH TITANIUM
ALLOYS, CERAMIC-"
"Ceramic?" Ryouga asked, confused, as he cut the net away using one of
his bandanas as a blade, "like pottery and plates?"
"SHUT UP! CERAMIC PLATING, AND.. AND.. ALL SORTS OF STUFF! YOU CAN'T
POSSIBLY HOPE TO WIN!"
"Ceramic... ceramic... hm..." Ryouga was briefly lost in thought, then
he suddenly charged straight at Tsubasa, whipping out his umbrella and
using it as a shield.
"Ryouga! What are you doing!" yelled Ukyou.
"Alright then, have it your way," Tsubasa muttered. He reached down
and pulled several triggers.
Ryouga ran on, his umbrella withstanding the impact of high-speed net
projectiles, tranquilizer darts, rubber bullets, and tazer wire, rearing
his arm back with a finger pointed out. Finally, as he got into striking
distance of Tsubasa's "disguise", he lowered his umbrella to strike.
"BAKUSAI-TEN-"
"Gotcha!" Tsubasa yelled, getting a clear shot at Ryouga.
"KETSU!!!"
The Postal-1 was destroyed with a spectacular explosion, sending the
mechanic transvestite flying across the skies.
"When did _he_ start using mecha?" wondered Ryouga.
"Hm, dunno. Ryouga, you ok?" Ukyou asked.
"Yeah, let's get going before any other surprises show up."
"How'd you know that move was gonna work? I thought that move only
worked on rocks."
"Just a hunch."
----------
Ataru Moroboshi was walking casually along doing nothing in particular.
He'd managed to get out of the house, and away from his so-called-wife.
It was girl-hunting time.
Suddenly a little blond girl flew right by him and crashed into a stack
of garbage cans.
Ataru noticed long blond hair, and his curiosity was raised. He
noticed a skirt and his curiosity was even greater.
Suddenly, internal warning systems switched on in Ataru's head. His
hands, ready to get a quick feel, retracted to his sides. This was the
same feeling he got like before....
"Hey," he said, "you alright?"
"Yeah." a tiny voice replied.
"You're a guy, aren't you?"
"Yup."
Ataru shook his head. "Man, there's sure alot of transvestites going
around Tokyo these days."
----------
It has been known that Tatewaki Kunou has often attacked Ranma Saotome
on many occasions. What was somewhat unclear was why Kunou's attacks were
rather lacking in inspiration or foresight and seemed very much like
randomly chosen times of attack for the most part. The closest Kunou had
ever come to a strategic attack was when he tried to use Ranma's fear of
cats against him, which didn't work out that great at all.
However, what was not understood by Kunou's foes was WHY Tatewaki Kunou
had such a random attack pattern. Actually, the timing of his attacks
were not so much random as they believed. Kunou usually sets off to
attack his foes whenever one of the following *conditions was met.
1) Kunou had heard some information about his foe which angers him,
thus prompting him to seek out his enemy and serve justice.
2) Kunou had just finished watching something inspirational such as
"The Seven Samurai" or such, and thusly inspired, marches on to
glorious battle.
3) Kodachi really gets on his nerves, thus revving up Kunou's fighting
spirit.
4) Kunou's father was visiting, giving Kunou the urgent need to
do something that required Kunou to leave the home.
5) Kunou had just spent a long amount of time viewing his picture
collection of "the Pig-Tailed Goddess" or Akane Tendou.
6) Kunou had absolutely nothing better to do (i.e. he's bored.)
*Notice that actual **planning and scheming do not play a factor here.
**Actually, the planning and scheming genes were inherited by Kodachi.
Tatewaki just inherited an inflated belief in the importance of self.
Both were spared the dreadful 'Pineapple fetish' gene that was so
prominent in their father.
On this day, Kunou had just finished watching "Lone Wolf and Cub",
flipping through his "Pig-Tailed Girl" photo album during commercial
breaks, had a long arguement with Kodachi over the destruction of certain
photos (he used her Ranma pictures as target practice and she used his
Pig-Tailed Girl photos in the same manner), was called by his father who
announced he'd be visiting for dinner, and was informed by Sasuke that
Hibiki was once again traveling towards the abode of his longtime nemesis,
the evil sorcerer Saotome, undoubtedly to scheme heinous deeds.
The final insult was when Sasuke had reported that Hibiki had destroyed
the mailbox in which Sasuke had deposited a letter adressed to the
Pig-Tailed Girl (he strongly suspected that she lived with the Tendou
family since he saw her there often.)
This was plenty of motivation.
Somewhere deep in Kunou's mind, gears spun, engines revved, and his
massive ego roared, demanding justice. It was time to turn on the extra
adrenaline, turn off those acursed pain sensors, and activate the battle
mode.
It was Time To Smite.
"My sister, I shall be back later today! For now, I go to smite my
enemies!" Kunou strode out the door with his bokken in hand.
And then he quickly strode back in. "By the way, our dear father is
coming by to visit so you might wish to cook something for him. I suggest
the arsenic laced fugu."
---------
Ryouga and Ukyou walked into the Tendou dojo, looking a bit worn.
"Sorry we're late, guys" Ukyou said, "but Tsubasa ambushed us today."
Ranma blinked. "Tsubasa? Then... why do you guys look so worn out?"
"He's started using mechs," said Ryouga.
"Oh." Ranma blinked, then shrugged. Things ceased to amaze him after
all the things he'd seen while living in Nerima.
"Again, sorry we're late," apologized Ukyou.
"Don't worry about it. Have a seat. I'm finally on a roll." Ranma
proudly said, pointing to a modest pile of chips.
Ukyou and Ryouga sat down. They both seemed to be a bit tired, as if
they had ran a mile. As usual, Ryouga sat as far away from Ranma as
possible.
"Hey, Ranchan," Ukyou asked, "have you been feeling okay lately?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Nobody hit you on the head or anything like that?"
"No..."
"Oh well, never mind." Ukyou glanced at Ryouga, who looked confused.
She surpressed the urge to snicker, or to tell Ranma what Ryouga thought
he did.
Everybody looked at their dealt cards, some in disgust, some happily,
some keeping a straight face.
"I'm out" Ramna said.
"Me too" Ryouga added.
"RANMA SAOTOME! RYOUGA HIBIKI! PREPARE TO DIE!"
"Huh?"
-------
Many observers of Tatewaki Kunou wonder why on earth Kunou totally
_ruins_ the element of surprise almost every single time whenever he
charges at his foe with the ridiculous battle cry of "[insert name here]
PREPARE TO DIE!". Many feel that it's the rough equivalent of yelling
"here I come, beat me up!" Why does he constantly ruin his advantage time
after time?
It's still a mystery.
-------
Kunou was sailing high in the air, bokken held high overhead, flying
towards Ryouga, who whipped out his umbrella, blocked the attack, and
flung Kunou back out. Ryouga then ran outside to continue the battle,
muttering "I know, I know, don't damage the dojo."
***
Ryo slowly got up and started brushing the dust off his suit. Much to
his relief, it didn't get damaged in the melee. The sounds of battle
caught his attention and so he took position in a tree near the Tendou
residence once more and observed the action. He was pleased to find that
Hibiki was fighting with someone.
He dug around in his pockets until he found a small piece of paper and
a pencil. Then he observed.
***
Ryouga went outside, followed by the rest of the Poker Night crew.
"Feh," Kunou sneered, "Such cowardly tactics from one such as yourself.
STAND AND FIGHT!" He charged, swinging with blazing speed. Ryouga was
barely blocking the strikes, unable to block them all, using one hand to
hold the umbrella, the other to tear off a small amount of bandanas from
his head. He then flung the bandanas at Kunou, who amazingly began
knocking them all away. {Wow, he has improved} Ryouga thought to himself,
{just not enough}. As Kunou was busy swatting away the bandanas, Ryouga
leapt in foot-first and nailed Kunou on the side of his face. Kunou
stepped back, stunned, and then resumed his fighting stance. "I fight on"
Kunou said, showing his grim determination.
***
From within his hiding place, Ryo began to write.
[Still has sledgehammer model depleted uranium umbrella. Defense weak.
Amazing trick with bandanas as distraction/attack.]
Actually, Ryo had no idea what the umbrella was made of. He only knew
that it was incredibly heavy and extremely painful if one got hit by it.
***
Kunou charged and this time his battle aura was actually visible. He
swung down hard and fast at Ryouga's head, which caused Ryouga to raise
his umbrella in defense. Suddenly and in the blink of an eye Kunou pulled
his sword back and swung low this time, catching Ryouga off-guard and
connected solidly with a blow to the gut which sent Ryouga stumbling back
and open to several more solid hits by Kunou's bokken. Any normal person
would be on his knees by now, but this was Ryouga, who could withstand the
impact of a full-force kick in the head in battle situations and not be
affected (as Ranma had once learned). Ryouga lept back to get some
distance, wiped the sweat off his forehead, and focused on his enemy once
more.
Off to the sides, Ranma wasn't sure what to make of this. "Now, either
Kunou hasn't taken me on yet with his full effort, or Ryouga is a bit out
of practice."
***
Ryo looked puzzled. He scribbled in his notes.
[Ryouga's super-endurance now increased? Took hard hits, wasn't
stunned.]
***
"I hope Ryouga doesn't get hurt." Ukyou said.
"Aaaand why's that?" Ranma asked, grinning.
*whop* "This isn't the time to joke around."
{Enough} thought Ryouga. {One big assault oughta end this} Ryouga tore
off even more bandanas with one hand, readied the umbrella with his other
hand, and began to glow with a fiery yellow aura. Kunou's battle aura was
flaring as well, as he assumed a ready position, getting ready to unleash
his fastest flury of strikes. Ryouga flung his bandanas at Kunou,
creating a swarm of spinning, buzzing cloth, and flung his umbrella which
spun like a top towards its target. Kunou was a blur, striking away the
bandanas, but was being cut despite his best efforts. Then the umbrella
slammed into him, knocking him back and dropping his guard, allowing the
remaining bandanas to pelt at him. Finally, Ryouga held out his hands and
yelled "SHISHI HOUKOU-DAN!!!" unleasing a blast of energy that hurled
Kunou through the air and solidly outside of the Tendou fence.
***
Ryo looked fascinated. He wrote enthusiastically into his notes.
[New trick: Ki-blast attack? "Shishihowdedodan?" Overall, minimal
use of umbrella, lots of bandanas.]
***
Ryouga turned around to the sound of clapping and cheers. "Hey, nice
show!" "Good going, Ryouga!" "Ah, I coulda finished him faster*OOF*"
***
Ryo took a deep breath, looked at the Tendou residence, and made a
decision.
"Maybe later."
He folded his notes, then stuffed them into his jacket. Then he scaled
a nearby tree and waited for Hibiki to leave, pulling out a mini-tv to
kill time.
---------
The late night festivities finally wound down and everyone went on
their way, some with a little more money and some with a little less.
Ukyou was happy: she hit the jackpot. Ryouga came out even. Mousse did
almost as well as Ukyou. Akane managed to not loose too much at all and
Ranma, as usual, came out of this the big loser. Ryouga didn't care too
much, he just wanted to get very far away from Ranma, especially if he
turned into a she.
And so, with winnings in hand, Ukyou and Ryouga walked back to
Ucchan's.
"You feeling better now Ryouga?" Ukyou asked.
"Yeah. Feel good as new. Guess it was enough rest... or those bottles
of Megavolt Cola."
"That stuff's not good for your health y'know."
"It seems like from their motto they don't care. How did it go? Hm...
'Megavolt Cola: Caffeine Crazy!'"
Nearby, Ryo had fallen asleep watching on a badly dubbed American show
about a lab mouse bent towards world domination. Suddenly, he woke up.
"Damnation, fell asleep! Where are they! Where are.... ah, there they
are." He jumped down to the street, readied his umbrella, and went to
pursue his target.
"Excuse me! Pardon me!" someone asked, running towards Ryouga and
Ukyou.
"Hm? Who's that? Gosunkugi?"
"Dunno, Ryouga. Looks kinda like him, doesn't it?"
The man finally caught up with them, meeting them at a bridge above a
waterway.
"Hi there. Excuse me. Sorry to ask, but I've been wandering around
here for quite a while now..." Ryo knew he should just go for the kill,
but he just loved ambushing his adversaries boldly,
"Gosunkugi? Is that you?" Ryouga asked. It _looked_ like Gosunkugi,
but a bit taller and with a bolder attitude in a suit.
This threw Ryo off his stride. He resembled somebody Ryouga knew?
Hm... it could come in handy later, but at the moment that question
nearly ruined the dramatic mood Ryo was in.
"Er... no. I've been looking for the Hibiki residence. Would either
of you know where that may be?"
"Well," said Ryouga, looking embarrased, "actually I don't know,
although I really should. I..." He paused, examining Ryo.
Ryouga noticed the man had an umbrella, which seemed to nag at deep
warning systems in Ryouga's mind, but failed to pull up the appropriate
warning in time. Another thing that should have warned Ryouga was the
apparent lack of rainclouds.
The two inch blade at the end of the umbrella should have been a clear
warning. Definitely.
"You mean you don't know where your own house is? Shame." said Ryo.
"What the-?" This little statement threw Ryouga off-guard entirely.
Suddenly, Ryo yelled "GEKIHOU!" and swung the umbrella forward. The
curved end glowed white with ki-charged power as it swung forward and it
connected with Ryouga's chest. He was thrown back five feet and
landed on his back. "The masters send their regards."
"Ryouga!" Ukyou yelled. "Alright, mister, I don't know who you are
but you're going down now!" She whipped out her smasher-spatula and stood
between Ryo and Ryouga.
Ryo got a perplexed look on his face. "Say, are you from the Kitchen
Utensils Division?"
"What? No!"
Ryouga stood up slowly (his super-endurance saving him once again) and
hefted his own umbrella to an attack position. Meanwhile, Ukyou swung
with her spatula but it was hooked by the umbrella handle. Undeterred,
she held onto the spatula handle, jumped up, and kicked him in the face.
As she landed, Ukyou twisted her spatula free.
Ryo staggered a few steps back, and then held his umbrella like a
rapier. He thrust forward several times and she blocked with her spatula.
She noticed that he was making several serious dents in the metal.
Suddenly he twirled the umbrella so that the handle was pointed outwards.
He swung forward but too far for the strike to reach. To her surprise,
she was hit solidly in the jaw. She took a step back and examined her
adversary carefully, finally noticing that it looked like his umbrella
seemed a bit longer than it was before and was retracting back to it's
original length.
"Telescoping umbrella." said Ryo with a smirk. "You like?"
Ukyou took hold of several mini-spatulas and aimed for his legs. He
jumped forward to attack and to jump over the mini-spatulas and was met by
a spatula thrust straight to the gut. He managed to land on his feet
after that, but he was a bit dazed.
"Not bad, Madam. I'd love to spar more, but I've got a matter of honor
to settle with Mister Hibiki. Step aside before I get serious." As Ryo
was speaking, he lost track of Ryouga, who was getting into position
safely hidden from view behind Ukyou.
"You want me to step aside? O-kay..." Ukyou smiled, and totally
surprised Ryo by revealing the charging Ryouga that suddenly came into
view.
"DAMN!" was all he could get out before Ryouga's umbrella point
slammed into his gut and slammed him nearly off the bridge. Noticing that
he was ever-so-close to falling into the water, he panicked and flailed,
trying to regain his balance. "nononono! Not water! I *ack*"
Ryo was grabbed by his shirt collar by Ryouga, who seemed to take
notice of Ryo's apparent aversion to water, and held him above the waters.
"Now, who the hell are you?"
"Don't ruin the suit," said Ryo flatly.
"Shut up and talk." said Ryouga.
The Gosunkugi lookalike smirked. "You really have forgotten, haven't
you. Eh, Ryouga? I feel insulted even more."
"What are you talking about?!"
"We've met."
Ryouga still looked confused. This wasn't what he was expecting.
"I've been chasing after you for quite a while now," said Ryo in a low
voice, "through Okinawa, across Vietnam, all over China... I must say,
you do travel. Gave me alot of exercise."
"You've been," Ryouga paused, merely for dramatic effect, "following my
trail," another pause, "for a year now, eh? Say, you wouldn't have
happened to have been through Jusenkyou?" He shook Ryo a bit.
"Well, maybe I have..." Ryo saw an opening. The fool was too
concentrated on rattling his cage and had left a very vunerable spot very
much open. "DIE!" he yelled, kneeing Ryouga in the crotch.
Ryouga's face twisted in pain. He let go of Ryo and stumbled back a
bit. Ryo grinned, satisfied that the move had the desired effect.
Unfortunately, he had forgotten entirely about the swiftly moving waterway
below.
"NOOOOOO!" *splash* was the last Ryouga heard of his adversary, as Ryo
fell into the water. Ryouga and Ukyou quickly went to the edge of the
bridge, looking down, but saw nothing.
"Hm... I wonder what his curse was." Ryouga turned away from the
stream. "Whatever he is now, I hope he can swim."
"Why do you think he's cursed?"
"He was looking for revenge, wasn't he? And he did say he followed me
to China. He did seem really adverse to water too."
-----------
Once more, Ryouga and Ukyou walked down the streets of nighttime
Nerima, casually strolling and enjoying the night air.
"Well," Ukyou said, patting Ryouga in the back, "three deadly foes in
one day. You're up to Ranma-esque levels now."
"Hey... I never thought about that..."
"About what?"
"Well, ever since Ranma and Akane got serious, look what's happened to
me. I got engaged to Shampoo, Kodachi is obsessed with me, Kunou is out
to kill me, Tsubasa is jealous, a mysterious person from my past has come
seeking vengence, and you..."
"Eh?" Ukyou said uneasily, her eyes scanning the surroundings.
"er... turn out to be my best friend." Ryouga nervously tugged at his
shirt collar. Ukyou looked away, her expression hidden from Ryouga's
view.
"Ryouga," Ukyou said, closing her eyes.
"What is it?" Ryouga nervously asked.
Ukyou turned her back to him, her arms hugged around herself. She
turned her head to the left, then to the right, and then turned to face
him.
She looked him in the eyes.
"RYOUGA, WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!?!"
He looked around, noticing that they were deep in a forest with city
lights blinking far away behind them.
"Huh? How'd we get here?"
-----------
Much later...
In a hotel room, Ryo Muhoshin was taking a relaxing hot bath. He also
was nursing a nasty bruise where Ryouga's umbrella had impacted and a cut
across his stomach where Ukyou's spatula him him. The Dojo Destroyer was
easy. The idiot from the Martial Arts Tea Ceremony Dojo (HAH! Tea
ceremony indeed) was pathetic. The sad little man who did Martial Arts
Handwriting was absolutely a disgrace to martial artists everywhere. Ryo
had brought them all down, in the name of the Unorthodox Weaponry School
of Martial Arts (or UWSMA, pronounced as ew-smah)
Ryouga was proving to be different.
It seemed that he was just supernaturally unlucky, as far as trying to
take down Hibiki. A wrong step here, a bad guess there, it was always
_something_. He had yet to face Hibiki without something utterly stupid
happening that ruined the moment.
He'd lost to Hibiki before, but never like this.
One thing, a odd little thing, was puzzling him. He _thought_ Ryouga
should have been at his place of residence. Ryo broke into the Hibiki
household one night, a while back, only to find a dustly, unkept, dark,
and obviously long-unlived-in household. He didn't understand that
particular mystery at all. He knew Ryouga's sense of direction was bad,
but to not even live at his own house? And what about the rest of his
family? Could the _entire_ family be as directionally challanged as
Ryouga? It seemed to be the case.
- end part 5 -