Draxon Review Corner Operating System V1.789 Coded by Doug Murphy
Scanning Remailer... Found UNREAD FANFICTION-- Designation Bubblegum Crisis.
Size 123 K/Bytes.
Recommended Action: REVIEW
***
The display flickered on Doug's computer screen. He quickly closed his own
work in progress: Writing he could enjoy, Reviewing he would savor. He
quickly input a request for the fic and waited a whole of one minute before it
arrived. He quickly downed a can of Mountain Dew; which in turn activated his
brain. He closed the door to the designated 'computer room' and inserted his
copy of the Mortal Kombat Movie soundtrack into his CD player. Activating it
on a very low volume setting, he opened the fic to be reviewed and began
reading...
***
The ratings for the Draxon Review Corner are as follows. (Note: If you go
down far enough, THERE WILL BE A REVIEW)
Story -- How well did the story connect together? Did it flow smoothly from
beginning to end? Was it believable? With my particular rating system (New
revision, this does not apply to any previous reviews) the ratings are as
follows.
10 -- Flawless and superior. I will no longer relegate myself to a decimal
point system. You WILL begin to see some ratings of this height.
9 -- Excellent. This rises above the standard fiction, with a deep and
involving plot. This is usually the rating of a skilled and natural writer.
7-8 -- Two levels of standard. Although it may generally be considered to
make a 7 in a ten point system; it is not. Many fictions will fall within the
7 and 8 bracket in storyline.
1-6 -- The story lacked several things, which I will mention in my comments.
I will give constructive criticism, and always try to keep all comments
positive. Be noted that my writing would usually score a five on this scale;
so there will be no 'looking down' upon anyone. Also, let it be noted that
the difference between 6 and 7 is small, and a 6 can become a 7 with minor
changes (the same is true for every rating and the rating above it, save 9 and
10. Perfect fics are hard to come by)
Subsections of Story
Humor -- Will only be applied to fictions with some comical content. A
fanfiction dealing with the death of the main characters loved ones, best
friends, and the struggle for him/her to recover will not have a rating here.
Drama -- Will apply nearly all fictions that are not completely geared toward
comedy (some Ranma 1/2 reviews will be missing this rating) This is on the
build to a climax -- specifically dealing with the near-climax moments of the
fic, and area's where the characters are experiencing tough times physically
or mentally
Originality -- Was this the start of the new wave or was this plaugerism? All
fics will have this rating. I realise that totally new ideas can be hard to
come by, but how the story is handled will make a large difference in this
rating.
Realism -- HOW many bullets did Priss take before standing back up and
fighting with some unknown attacker? This is a 'could it happen' scale. Note
that this will not apply to some comedy oriented fics.
Characterizations -- Was everything IC? If the characters were OOC, was
there a good reason? Ratings go as follows.
10 -- Legendary. This could be used as the plot for an OAV or an episode of
the series it is based off of. An example here would be Alternate History of
Ranma 1/2: Part One by Hitomi Ichinohei (which was a novelization of the
events of part one of the Ranma 1/2 Manga, before Hitomi started spicing
things up in the following parts)
9 -- Excellent. Judgements here will be 'iffy' My views on how the
characters acted will differ from some others invariably; this could be
conveived as Legendary by some, and standard by others, However this is where
I think it should go--It is above most, but below a select few. The
characters acted as the could in the original anime or manga, but one or two
OOC's can be located in the fic (which are probably explained by events
occuring before the change)
7-8 Standard. The characters are basically the same as they are in the
Anime/Manga, but have made some minor changes. Some discrepancies are seen to
accomadate the plot. As with above, most
1-6 Can improve. I will point out character discrepancies and errors to the
author, and suggest ways to correct them. Note that I will not always be
right, and if i make an error (Example: Bubblegum Collapse, I said that the
Knight Sabers were OOC a tad rampant in some areas. Stormwalker promptly
pointed out that I might not have considered the events of Bubblegum Collision
changing the characters) simply tell me, and if I see merit in your counter
C&C, you will probably gain a point. My word is never final. (I sound like a
self proclaimed god of reviewing... thats what i get for doing this so late at
night :(
Grammer This deals with the technical flaws that are present in nearly every
fic. Here I will give ponts on the good and bad things an author did with
his/her spacing, indentions, spelling, etc. I will not, however, dig through
a fic and find every tiny error (unless specifically asked to do so and given
due credit in the 'Thanks' listing at the end of the fic :)
10 -- Legendary. This type of fic has generally had internal editing done to
it. The author checked it over several times while in development, and had
assistance from outside sources in checking for errors. If not, I don't want
to know how long the writer of this fic strived for perfection.
9 -- Above Average. Refined and skilled writers will make it here as well. I
may have found some minor errors, but they were small and did not affect the
fic at all.
7-8 -- Standard. This is average. At this point I may have seen some more
noticable errors, but they are expected in most people's writing and easily
fixed once noticed.
1-6 Below average. If you scored here, changing your formatting and running a
spell check are probably nessecary. I will point out several types of errors
and recommend what type of medkit to use. Note that the difference between 6
and 7 is minimal, 6 can easily become a 7 (one fix may be all it takes)
Grammer Subsystems
Descriptions How well could a reader visualize your fic?
10 -- Legendary. Every little detail is written with SVGA graphics. Perfect.
9 -- Excellent. This is what you might expect from one of our lists better
writers on an average day.
7-8 -- Standard fare. What you would expect from most people on the list.
Some areas may be written like "Priss fired her railgun, downing another
boomer." and will be noted. Generally, however, scenes are well written with
colorful descriptions.
1-6 Below Average. This lacked many descriptive elements that can make or
break a fiction. I will point out the general problem areas and try to help
the writer effect solutions that could change the whole view of the fic. As
usual note 6 is easliy a 7 with minor changes.
Overall: This is a combination of the first 'Fun-Factor' and 'Overall'
ratings. It is not an average of the previous scores, but how i generally
feel about the fic in general. I cannot give a direct ranking system here as
my general opinions of fics will probably have a different basis each time I
read them.
And now, on with the review; If you are still awake to read it ;)
Story 10 EXCEPTIONAL. This story flowed very well. The events were
believable and realistic.
Originality 9. ABOVE AVERAGE. The initial idea 'Priss gets shot, Knight
Sabers revenge' is explored very thouroghly. This fic shows that the problems
of standard maniacs can affect the ever-immortal and powerful Knight Sabers in
major ways. Never before have I read a fic where a single common criminal
causes the Knight Sabers so much grief. This was a very nice break from the
common 'problem hits, Knight Saber's suit up and smash it' idea.
Drama 10 LEGENDARY. This fic's greatest asset. The fic's combination of
external conflict(Stalker), emotional struggles (Everyone), and conflict
between KS (Linna/Sylia) creates a dynamic environment which can latch on to a
reader and pull them deeper into the story.
Realism 10 LEGENDARY. I don't remember recently reading about a gunshot
hurting (headache) a KS in hardsuit, heck, it's sometimes common for Priss to
take hardsuit level damage and keep going, but this fic showed definite
realism. In the short combat scene the stalker did what one would expect from
a psychotic madman.
Characterizations 9 ABOVE AVERAGE The trauma to Priss was well handled as her
most valued ability was stripped from her, and she lived in fear of a madman.
Once again the characters are brought down from their common 'Super-Heroic'
status to face problems realisticaly. Linna's response to Sylia wanting to
kill Priss's stalker was a plus. I half expected everyone to go ballistic
after the man ala BGC 3. Nene's actions at the end show her developing
disgust for the legal system quite appropriatly.
Grammer 7 STANDARD. I found mostly single spaced paragraphs, which are fine.
Then I began to wonder why some were double spaced (I read this at 3 AM, so I
wasn't very bright) I realized that this was indicating scene changes. Some
other form of indication could serve the purpose better. three stars seems to
be a common form of seperating sene from scene. Nothing is used to indicate
thought rather than 'She thought', which were slightly disorientating, since
they seemed a lot like your background and history material (AKA It had been X
amount of hours since X happened) I would recommend something to indicate
thought, even if only quotation marks. I also vividly remember Sylia being
referred to as a man once. I believe this was in the hospital scene but I'm
not too sure. I'll go back and look. I thought it was funny myself.
Descriptions 9 ABOVE AVERAGE. Very descriptive style. There is nothing i can
comment on here that would cause any noticable change in the fic.
Overall 9 ABOVE AVERAGE.. This one will be going into my permenant archive as
soon as i send off this review.
Draxon Review Corner