Here it is... the sequel to Bubblegum Collision.

	I must warn you.  This story is dark.  I deliberately did not use the
[Darkfic] flag when I posted it, because I have seen it too often used
as an excuse to go wildly OOC, and I dearly hope that I have stuck to my
characters on this one.  Anyway, if you have a strong aversion to dark
fanfiction, you might not want to read this.

Remember, BGC is made for darkness.  Give me blood, give me death.  It's all 
part of the program.

Story:  6.  Part one of Bubblegum Collision was, to me, a few linked battles, 
with Sylia receiving some support from the team between battles.  Perhaps 
starting the story JUST before the boomers rebelled could help.  Show that the 
Knight Sabers have a life besides killing boomers.  Also, make sure it is 
plain that the Knight Sabers do NOT know who they are up against until they 
find out.  The setup seemed like they were used to world wide rebellions.

Characterizations: 8  I was disturbed by the way the characters acted 
throughout the first part, however this will mostly fall under the 
descriptions department.  One thing:  The Knight Sabers are not the gods of 
war in MegaTokyo, and the military can deal with nearly any large scale 
problem much more efficiently than they can. They would likely be 'helping the 
army out' in a war situation.

Grammar: 8.7  Grammar is well developed.  Sentence structure is acceptable.  
My only problem is the lack of spacing between paragraphs, which seems to be 
an accepted typing format on the FFML.

Descriptions: 5  This is what killed it for me.  The way the Knight Sabers 
speak seems to be a tab basic for them. Also, if the characters are 
experiencing emotions while peaking, make sure you tell us.  Simply rewording 
what the Knight Sabers say in this fic, as well as adding a bit more color to 
the fight scenes could jump it from the current 6-7 rating to an 8 or 9.

Overall: 6.925

With a few revisions this has the potential to make the 8's or 9's easy.  I 
hope I've been of help to you.