On Sun, 27 Oct 1996, Richard Lawson wrote:
: I'd like your opinion.
Heh, I'd have given it anyway, like it or not.
: I'd also like to know what you thought of the ending. I had intended to
: write more, but when I typed the last line, it *felt* right to stop. If
: it's too abrupt, or if you think I should continue a little further, I
: do have some ideas in my head.
No, the point of ending was correctly chosen.
: Thy Outward Part
Would people *please* take not that *this* is the title?
Not "Thy inward Love", not "Thy outward Love" and not "Thy inward
part"!
: He'd been following her all day. He'd skipped two classes to do it. She
: seemed to have skipped her classes as well; after changing into the pants
: she always wore and a silk red shirt, she had spent a lot of the day walking
: around the campus, staring at the ground.
You *might* have made it more obvious by jumping up and down,
screaming "HEY! HEY, *LOOK*! IT'S *RANMA*!!"
Seriously, the shirt gave it away too soon. If you left this
blatant flag out, the first objective proof is in the conversation
with Akane, which would make for a better story flow.
: Sensei looked at him evenly. Finally, she gently twisted her arm out of his
: grasp. "This ain't easy for me. I went to college to get away from it all.
: From the pitying looks I got. From my father, who couldn't stand the sight
: of me. From my mother, who doesn't know and will never know that I'm her
: son. From Akane, who stopped loving me because I'm stuck in this body.
: From everyone who knew what my problem was."
As I said somewhere else, I just can't see that reaction from
Akane. The change would certainly have put a stop to any physical
relationship between them, but I just can't see her turning from
Ranma as soon as he stops being a boy. I figure she would become
very supportive, not resting before she knew that Ranma was "out of
danger", so to speak.
: "I'm a guy. Can't you get that through your thick skull? I was born and
: raised as a guy."
:
: Kentaro's mind raced. "You're a person. It's the person I'm attracted to.
: Your outward form is only secondary to the person you are underneath."
Su-u-ure, Kentaro, we believe you. :)
Then again, Richard *is* a mind-over-matter type person.
: "As I see it, you have three options here. You can prefer to date other
: women. There's nothing wrong with that, although it severely limits
: your options. I think you've learned that already with your ex-fiancee.
: You can learn to like men.
Yeah, let's see you do that, Richard. :P I don't think that you
can "learn" a sexual preference.
: "Or you can continue as you have been: yearning for something you can never
: have, keeping everyone at a distance while you wait, and ending your days
: whining, miserable and alone."
Booom. That's gotta hurt.
: It was Ranma, he knew her in an instant. Her hair was down around her
: shoulders, the wind tossing it lightly. It was kept in place by a ribbon
: she'd tied in her hair. She was wearing a white sundress, which ruffled to
: the side, accenting her figure. She was standing there, her hands clasped
: in front of her, watching him from a distance.
: Kentaro smiled; then it faded away. "You look beautiful."
:
: Her eyes glinted. Then she seemed to steel herself. "Thank you."
:
: Kentaro had trouble getting the words out. "Does this mean what I think it
: means?"
:
: Ranma licked her lips nervously. "It means I'm willing to give it a try.
: No promises. If that damn kettle appears, I use it in a flash. But I...
: I'm not holding my breath any more."
:
: Kentaro felt something rising in him, a kind of exultation he had never felt
: before. "I'm glad."
: Ranma seemed to gather herself and stepped forward again. "This is very
: difficult for me, Kentaro. You can't imagine. Guys... I just can't imagine
: being with guys in *that* way. I'm only willing to try because it's *you*.
: You've been a good and patient friend, and you've helped me with some
: difficult times. You even had the courage to say some things to me, things
: I needed to hear. I couldn't hear them when Akane said them, or even when I
: said them to myself. Somehow, it was different with you. I don't know why.
: I'd like to find out. If... if you can just continue to be patient."
:
: Kentaro smiled gently. "I've got all the time in the world, so long as
: you're here."
:
: Ranma smiled nervously. Then she closed her eyes and raised her chin.
:
: Kentaro moved his lips towards hers, and this time she didn't pull away.
Hmmm. I can kinda see this happening - except for the dress. I
dunno; Ranma wearing a beautiful dress is harder to swallow for me
than Ranma deciding to give Kentaro a chance. Shows what a
cesspool my mind is, I guess. :)
I think it's a case of too much too fast. Either change I could
have accepted, but not both, for some reason. <shrugs>
Sebastian