I thought this fanfic deserved some serious C+C, so here goes.

On Mon, 28 Oct 1996, Sandborn wrote:


                         Kasumi's Halloween Party
                           by Uncle Fester

    Creativity having been severely driven from her by thoughts of
the offending bit of  fiction', Rumiko gave up for the evening and
quietly left her studio for the long walk home.

It was "Red," wasn't it?

She had a chainsaw in the closet, but she decided to be a bit more subtle...

    "Only 50 yen, my dear."  The old lady's eyes had narrowed into
happy slits.  At least, they looked like happy slits behind those wire
rimmed glasses.  Kasumi couldn't be sure.  Still, the price was right.
    "How come they're so inexpensive?  I mean, they're hard bound,
with lots of pictures and all."
    "They're...ah...discontinued books," the old lady looked at the
ground embarrassed at the revelation.
    "Oh, I'm sorry.  Of course I'll buy one of your books." Kasumi
was suddenly embarrassed herself for asking such a question.  Certain
the old lady was selling the books to make enough money to live on,
she felt a pang of guilt at not buying more than one.

Yeah, she'll live a *long* time on 50 yen.  If she sells another book, 
she can make a trip to the 100 yen store and buy some cup ramen...
Or if she finds just the right vending machine, she can buy a can of pop 
with that 100 yen...

    The doors slammed shut.  
    The lights went out; the room bathed an eerie crimson.  

Now, this sounds like the room gave the eerie crimson a bath.  I'm sure 
you meant to say, "the room was bathed in an eerie crimson"
 

jerked upright, spun around and propelled through the air of the dojo,
impacting the door to the dojo's toilet.  His body easily broke

I don't believe the dojo has a toilet.  CHeck your layouts, please.

    Nabiki attempted to run but was caught and flung face first
towards the medieval suit of armor.  Inches from impact, she jerked to
a halt.  She could see the massive battle axe, it's razor sharp edge

                                                ^^^^ "its"

his neck, his hands clawing frantically at their embrace.  His now
useless glasses fell to the floor, breaking on impact.

I find this detail particular;ly moving.  With the breaking of the 
glasses, you show the utter destruction of Mousse.
 

explosive way.  It finished by hacking her lifeless corpse like a
garbage disposal; pieces Nodoka adding to the dojo's decorations.

                   ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "pieces OF Nodoka WERE ADDED"

Frantically, the last heartbeats of life urged him towards a tub of
water used earlier for bobbing apples.  His sense of direction was not
improved by the flames and he ran into the buffet table instead where
he came to rest blazing away on a platter of roast pork.

Perhaps this scene would be more effective if Ryouga managed to reach the 
tub of water, yet expired just as he doused himself, so that his charred 
pig body floated with a single apple in its mouth...

Happy Halloween, kiddies.

Same to you, Uncle.

mata ne, bengman