On Thu, 24 Oct 1996, Scott Jamison wrote:

			TWILIGHT EXISTENCE
			by Scott K. Jamison

				Prologue

	My first clear memory is of Jyuusenkyo.  In fact, you could say I 
was born there, bursting out of a watery womb, a scream coming from my 
lips as I breathed air for the first time.
	Ranma would tell me to cut the poetic crap.

I really like this beginning.

	"Um, Mr. Saotome...Father...don't you mean 'daughter'?  After 
all, I *am* a girl."  I opened my shirt just a bit, to emphasize my 
point.  Not too far, though.  I have my modesty. 

(snip)

for its many female warriors.  I didn't like the sound of that.  Combat 
was so unfeminine!

(snip)

her.  No man would want to marry such a violent woman!  Unfortunately, I 

(snip)

	"I can't do that.  Fighting is unladylike."

(snip)

	"Father," for he was in human form this time, "could you buy me a 
dress?  I need something else to wear."
	He nearly choked on the mango he was eating.  "Ranma!  What would 
you want a dress for?"
	"I want to look pretty for a change.  This outfit is so ugly!" 

(snip)

	Maybe so, but I promised myself one day I would wear a pretty 
dress and makeup and jewelry, so there!

(snip)

	"Ranma's too much a boy's name.  Ranko's what I want to be 
called." 

(snip)

	"Thanks Nabiki!  It's so pretty!"  I stopped to look at myself in 
the mirror again.  "Do you think boys will like me?"

Well.  Not to go off on a feminist rant, but this is pretty thin 
characterization for a girl.  If we're talking like she has the personality
of *the girl who drowned there*, you might want to make that girl a
little more individual, instead of a collection of stereotypes.

Rant aside -- I really like the idea of this 'fic, and you've done
some terrific things with it.  The personality-thing has been used before,
but never quite like this, and never showing the viewpoint of the
*other* (that I know of).  It's interesting how making the henshin
a separate personality seems to have moved Ranma and Akane's relationship
a bit farther than it is in the "real" story.  I also like how you use 
each "girl-change" (though I should hope you'd diverge from the manga 
eventually; there's a lot of potential for fun here...)

Looking forward to the next part...
bengman