Not bad. ^_^ Nice concept, and the story draws one in. All in 
all, pretty good for a near-first attempt.

   The only problem I had with it was that Nabiki seemed a bit 
OOC towards the beginning. She's never showed any sign of 
depression, or of having a thing for Ranma, and both of these 
suddenly crop up out of the blue.

   There are a couple of ways to have a character go OOC 
sucessfully:

   1. - The character was always like this, but kept it hidden. 
This is probably the hardest one to make plausible, especially 
in Ranma fics. In fact, the OOC is so implasible that the plot 
should revolve around it. Richard Lawson's _Appearances_ is a 
good example of this.

   2. - A different interpretation. Oftentimes, people have 
different ideas on how the characters _should_ act. For 
example, many fics portray Ukyou as a kind, nice person who 
would never _think_ of doing what she did at the end of the last 
manga. ^_- And Nabiki's motivations for her moneygrubbing can 
range from paying the family bills to simple amoral greed. All 
of these work, as long as the character's _outward_ actions and 
thoughts don't clash with Takahashi's versions.

   3. - Surrealism. OOC in this case is meant to startle and 
provoke, and is done on purpose. Hard to define. Read just about 
anything by Jeff Rutsch for an example.

   4. - Experience. The events in the story change the 
character(s), causing them to grow or adopt a new attitude. 
Sometimes this can be a tramatic event; other times it can be a 
gradual process. Mike Loader's _Smoke and Mirrors_ is a good 
example of the former, and Marisa Price's _Lesson in Love_ is, 
IMHO, the paramount example of the latter.

   Your Nabiki seems to best be portrayed by number 4; however, 
you have her feeling this way _before_ the attack. Perhaps a 
little reworking of that?

   Except for that...good work. ^_^

- Susan Doenime
Brisbane, U Of Q