On Sun, 15 Sep 1996 01:27:25 -0400 Joseph "Ashira" Kohle wrote:
: The Legacy
: Part 1: Homecoming
: He was an average sized man. Though dressed in loose fitting
: clothing that gave him a non-chalant appearance, his movements were
: fluid and belied the great strength and dexterity of a fighter.
I think you mean "betray" (give or be a sign of..., show...), not
"belie" (give a wrong or untrue idea of...)
: His hands stroked
: her shoulder's and hair as he softly comforted her.
"Shoulders"
: Akane was not listening to the words. She was enjoying the
: sound of his voice, the feel of his body pressed against hers, the gentle
: caress of his hands over her body and hair. Nothing mattered accept
: this moment to her.
"Except", I think.
: But as the years passed, her hopes had slowly grown dim, reality break
: down their walls.
"Broke down"? "Had broken down"?
Interesting fic. I'll move on to the next part right away.
Sebastian