From:        Richard Lawson, sterman@sprynet.com

I am so wishy-washy.  I still don't know what I think of this story,
despite my repeated requests for your opinions.

Hmmm. Well, I think the first section was pretty good the first time 
around, and this time it's even better. You addressed the major problem I 
had with it, namely that she had a major attitude change come across her 
'suddenly'. Passages like the following:

classmates.  Tonight, he was talking easily with them, laughing with them, 
and generally having a fun time.  This made Nabiki feel very, very good.  For 
some reason, making Tatewaki happy was as important to her as anything else 

was.  

That was strange; her mind did not normally operate in that manner.  
Something was changing its parameters.

[...]

Nabiki watched them, and something tingled in her brain, something that made
her estactic to see Tatewaki having fun with his friends.  She tried to
ignore that part of her mind; it interfered with the smooth functioning of
the rest of her brain.  Over the past few weeks, however, it had been more
and more difficult to push those feelings into the background.

[...]

She set her punch down on a nearby table, following the glass with her eyes,
and felt more than saw Tatewaki come up to her.  His presence spoke to the 
illogical part of her mind, which was hammering away at her control.

...do a good job of conveying that this wasn't a sudden change in 
attitude, after all; that it was something that had built up over time. 
This worked very well, I thought.

However...

She turned back to face him, almost nude, wearing nothing but her panties.  
Tatewaki stared at her breasts.  Although he'd felt them in previous 
sessions, she'd always kept her blouse on, even if it had been unbuttoned or  
pulled loose.  She thought that, even at his distance, she could feel heat 
emanating from his face.  Then again, maybe she was blushing herself.

...I still had trouble accepting that they had done even this much 
before. I just keep hitting a mental roadblock at the thought of Tatewaki 
Kuno reaching inside Nabiki's blouse. <wry g> If you want to keep the 
'previous sessions' part in, you might want to slip in a line or two 
explaining how such an honorable and straight-laced person decided to go 
that far. ^_^

The rest of it still works well. Go figure. :)



Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
 tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
 <http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
 Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)

...Cats are the proof of a higher purpose to the universe.