On Sat, 17 Aug 96 10:58:44 -0600 Travis Butler said:
: Well, remember the neckband Azusa put on Ryoga; it appeard to be
: tight-fitting on P-Chan's neck (which has *got* to be thinner than
: Ryoga's! <g>), but it seemed to fit just as well on Ryoga's neck when he
: changed back; it didn't break, and it also didn't appear to be digging
: into the flesh. Still, not a bad passage.
I thought that both scenes - with Kodachi's chain and Azusa's
neckband - were *very* unrealistic. Just when I had suspended my
disbelief about the curses, this spoiled it again for me. So I
decided to treat it a little more real in my fic, that's all.
: This does touch on the biggest problem I had with this part, though --
: the Ryoga/Ranko hostility here does seem pretty forced at times. The
: scuffle between Ryoga and Ranko at the training session seems pretty
: natural, but the hostility in the arena:
[snip]
: ...falls flat for me, especially without the 'lose to Kodachi, Ranma must
: date Kodachi, Akane free for Ryoga' incentive; the motive for Ryoga is
: lacking. I'd put at least one scene in with Ryoga before the fight
: starts, showing more of Ryoga's attitude going into the fight. That'd
: also make his reversal during the fight a little more meaningful. ;)
Damn.
Zen told me that he thought Ryouga's hostility was not fitting in.
I thought it might get a little clearer, if #25 was read in
sequence after #24, but apparently that isn't so. I toyed with
the thought of adding a Ryouga scene to #25, where he rants and
rages against Ranko for sending him off in the wrong direction,
and other precieved slights. But #25 was crowded already, so I
never wrote it.
Perhaps I should expand #24? Show more of their relationship, so
that the tension between them is better explained?
Ryouga resents Ranko for pressuring him about proposing to Akane,
while *at the same time* he has the feeling that she doesn't
really leave him a chance to do so: Always putting him down
before Akane, picking on him, etc.
Ranko resents Ryouga's weakness in admitting his feelings. She
would like to see Akane with a boy, who really *likes* her and
isn't just after her because of the challenge. And she's *very*
angry about "P-chan", even though she has put a stop to his
sleeping in Akane's bed.
At some time in the future she will realize that she isn't getting
him to be Akane's friend by being hostile to him, and will try
matching them up *without* his help - only to find that Ryouga is
too insecure to bear a relationship with Akane, other than being
her pet.
Sebastian