From:        yinyang, yinyang@altered.com

STORM'S END
by Richard Lawson 
*Grammar: 7
*Story: 8  A Lawson story, what else?
*Characters: 8
*Drama: 8
*Overall: 8  Let me show you something that bothered me in this
fic...
"Akane nodded violently. "Yes! That's exactly right. He denied
saying it, he never said it. I mean, I know that he feels it, and
he knows that he can't really hide it, but he lacks the courage
to actually say it. He is such a jerk, an idiot, he thought he
had all the time in the world to say it, he never knew that time
was running out, that he would leave me and he'd never get the
chance to say it..." She was talking faster and louder as she
went on. She ended by jumping up, her fists clenched at her
sides, shouting up at the ceiling, "RANMA NO BAKA!" 
    Now, this paragraph was near the half way point in the fic. 
That last word, "Ranma no Baka" killed the mood.  Never do this
again.  Fortunately, you stopped the baka usage after this point. 
Fics like this should never used cliched Japanese phrases.

I have to disagree, here. Cliched, maybe... but it *is* the phrase that 
Akane uses all the time in the subtitled releases. (Can't speak for the 
original Japanese-language manga, since I can't read Japanese, but I have 
learned enough spoken Japanese to recognize that phrase. ^_^) I thought 
it was the perfect capper to that speech, and perfectly in character. The 
original Japanese phrase also has a certain punch that none of the 
translations I've seen can match.



Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
 tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
 <http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
 Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)

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