Just a couple of comments:
Your verb tenses seemed to change a lot (this is something I'm guilty of
as well). Also, try to wordwrap to somewhere between 70 and 80
characters; the story was hard to read.
There were a lot of "beginnings"; that is, scenes that you set up some
sort of meaningful dialogue between characters, but then you left them
and went somewhere else. What would Ranma and Ryoga have to say to each
other? Does Kasumi think her father will regain his sanity? Let us
know more about how these characters think and feel, explore the depths
of the scenes you have set up.
I liked the part where Ranma traced the duck.
Flesh this out a little; I'd like to see where you go with this.