At 08:20 PM 6/2/96 -0500, you wrote:

Well, phoneyNT...this is weird.

I think you need a lot more characterization.  There's a lot of dialogue 
and not a lot of what people are feeling; I think that's important.

i only wanted kasumi's viewpoint in there.  everyone is secondary to
kasumi.

That stuff about Soun and Kasumi disturbed me profoundly; that's good.  

you WANT to be disturbed? :P

Yet you never mention it again; that's bad.  I think you should put some 
more descriptions into Kasumi's reasons for her actions that can allude 
to this scene.

perhaps

I feel that a lot of this is incomplete.

hmm.

Please do some more along these lines.  It'd be interesting to compare 
our works; I shudder waiting for your portrayl of Nabiki.  :)

hheeheh...i am planning a Nabiki story which may or may not come out.
called "C.R.E.A.M." (yes, named after Wu-Tang's song.  it means 'Cash
Rules Everything Around Me')

signed, phoneynt
-----------------------------------------
| ******** END * TRANSMISSION ********* |
-----------------------------------------
       drward@richmond.infi.net