Date: Mon, 27 May 1996 12:06:12 -0700
   From: Marisa Price <marisa@gladstone.uoregon.edu>

   Hi all!

   Thanks a LOT for your commentary.... like I  said, this was my
   FIRST lemon dealie ever.... so I knew I would need some help.

   1. Sorry Akane seems so innocent... 

   [...]

	   However, I will try to change this part to make her
   seem less clueless...

Whatever for?  Just because some people thought she wouldn't be that
innocent doesn't mean they're right.

NOTE TO AUTHORS:

Comments and criticism are NOT GOSPEL.  Plenty of comments are about
issues that hinge on judgement, like this one, and there's no absolute
"right" or "wrong", just whatever works in your story or that you want
to tell.

   I was trying to be sweet... sorry :).

Is Akane that innocent?  Who knows?  Who cares?  Does it matter that
much?  It's completely consistant with the canon, and I'd say that
punting her innocence would ruin the story.  Don't let yourself get
twisted by the modern "sex ed" et. al. ethos that says virgins should
be completely knowledgeable about these things; it's likely this
attitude has caused as many hangups as the old ways (as the authors of
the _Joy of Sex_ have noted sometime after their first edition).

My advice: don't apologize, don't change her innocence.

(It's nice that there's at least one lemon fanfic like this, uncool
though it may be.)

   2. People saying that Akane had experimented (masturbated)....

   [...]

	   I really don't think I can change that part...
   because, I mean I don't care if OTHER people do it, but
   I just can't see someone like Akane doing it. Sorry.

See above; I think many people's comments were not really addressed to
the story your trying to write.

   3. About Akane "giving in" so easily-
	   Whelp... I think she has always wanted to do it.
   Well... if not "it"... she at least wanted to find out
   more about Ranma's (check out the way she looks at him
   when he is in the bathtub-- and what is this picture
   she has seen too... can someone explain?) body. And,
   she figures he loves her now.
	   However, now that I look at it, this isn't
   very clear (hey I wrote the thing at 2:00 am) and I
   should explain it..... SOOO... after the thesis is
   dont I will go try and do a rewrite.

Now here we're getting into truly fruitful criticism; I think a little
more development here is needed.  I especialy think Ranma needs a
little more (innocent, not really realizing what she might be asking for)
encouragement from Akane before he takes her hand and ....

He's pretty shy, and Akane is not one to be taken lightly (so to speak :-)

   I hope this explains my opinions, with which you are welcome
   to disagree. I hope you enjoyed the story otherwise, and 
   thanks A LOT for your comments.... 

A very good story; address #3 and it'll be great.

   [...]

   P.P.S. Yes, Ranma is just happy it went well, 

I'd hope so!

   it isn't that he planned it :)....

They're not much for planing things out....

					- Harold