To: "The Peter Noone Hunting Society" c/o the Fanfic ML
Attn: Mike W. Loader
From: McGervil Investigations
Re: The whereabouts of Peter Noone
Sirs (and ladies, if any)
Having been retained in the matter of the mysterious Peter Noone
by a member of the Fanfiction Mailing List, one Erin Mills v. 2.5 by
name, I am pleased to present you with this report on the
whereabouts Peter Noone.
As of May 13, 1996
Noone was spotted on the beach at Wakikki, annoying sand crabs
and witnessing the brutal death of one Irwin T. Delwash, an
accountant from Dover, Delaware. The unfortunate Mr. Delwash was
eaten by a giant clam, Noone heard his cries for help, but brushed
them off as request from the sand crabs to stop annoying them.
Later that same day, Noone saw the hijacking of a transatlantic
airliner leaving from Nerw York City's LaGuardia airport. Noone also
saw one Throckmorton P. Goldthwait be hit by a rampaging New York
taxi. Noone saw that the taxi was empty.
That evening, Noone saw a clandestine meeting between a Russian
gentleman and an Asian woman in Washington D.C.'s Lafayette Park. The
two were supossedly smuggling diamonds out of the country.
At Midnight, Noone boarded a plane bound for Zurich, Switzerland.
Noone checked into a little inn near the center of town and slept the
night away, ignoring the cries for help from an elderly lady who was
being mugged under his window.
This Morning, Noone returned to the United States and recieved a
letter from a greasy looking messenger. Noone rented a car and drove
to the warehouse district of Chicago. To the best of my knowledge,
Noone is in Warehouse 23 of the exremely powerful Fnord Corporation.
And this is where you should be able to find him. If not, I would be
more than happy to continue my services tracking down this fiend
known as Peter Noone.
Sincerely Yours,
Matt McGervil
McGervil Investigations