At 20:36 4/29/96 -0400, Ben Kosse wrote:

Perhaps if there were hyphens where the words were cut off, more people 
would know it was cut off intentionally.  I thought it was a file error at 
first too, but even then it wasn't a problem.  There was one major 
inconsistency, though.

    Yeah, something to let us know that they were in the middle of thought,
while helping us see that this was simultaneous.

Otherwise, it's a good story.  Mike, don't explain why the dojo gets blown 
up; you might even want to take out the bit about the snipers.  The 
explosion is a lot darker if nothing gloomy happens ahead of it.

    I don't agree, here. If that were to happen, the story wouldn't make
any sense. We wouldn't have an explanation for the events (espeically why
Dr. Tofu was at the dojo).

Since there's going to be a sequel, that could be explained later.  For 
example, maybe the scene with Ranma and Ryoga discussing the snipers could 
be written in a flashback, from the point of view of one of the bombers 
spying on them or something.

--
Ben Kosse bmk7411@cs.rit.edu
BGC Otaku and worshipper of the Red-Eyed Goddess and her music.
Anime, RPG's, computers, poetry (read/write), music (listen/compose).
Author of the Bubblegum Crisis theme pack (see the homepage below).
Homepage with anime and other interests. (http://www.rit.edu/~bmk7411)