On Thu, 11 Apr 1996, Erin Mills version 2.5 wrote:

    The following fanfic was written in response to someone's comment 
(Can't remember who, sorry.) that "The Letters" should have been 
darker. As I recall, the exact wording was "If you're gonna get dark, 
get REALLY dark."


    Be careful what you wish for...

	An _excellent_ story, extremely well written and compelling so far
(and you call this a poor rough draft?)... but lighten up a little, man. 
Between this and 'The Letters' you're getting as bad as Marco (who has
written exactly _one_ story that did not make me want to slit my wrists)

    After a head count was taken, it was discovered that Akane never 
made it, and two of the persons unaccounted for were Kasumi Tendo and 
Dr. Ono Tofu.

	I note that you never explicitly mention the that these three are
dead... working up a suprise for us perhaps? (unlikely, but one can always
hope)

    Ukyou arose that morning, excited. If Ranma was holding to his 
usual schedule, he was due into town today to pick up supplies. He 
always stopped by the new Ucchan's to say hello. 
    Ukyou was not only the owner of Ucchan's, she also served on 
Shantytown's regional governmental board. The board consisted of 
herself, Nabiki, Cologne, Kuno, and Ryoga. Ranma had been part of the 

	*blink-blink* How'd a bunch of punk kids and a crone from one of 
the nations responcible for the nuclear exchange come to power?

    Mousse had managed to leave a mark on everyone though. Not only 
had Ranma been scarred and Ukyou lost an eye, Kuno had lost his left 
hand and Ryoga had large scars on his forearms and chest and lost a 
fang of his own besides.
    Ukyou had become more cynical after that day. She gave up on 
Ranma, convinced that he'd never love her the way she looked now. 
Still, she looked forward to Ranma's visits, even though he still 
blamed himself for the death of Akane.

	Interesting, I hope you flesh out the changes she's gone through 
and delve into the others as well (I'd expect Ryoga to be in worse shape 
emotionally than Ranma)

    Meanwhile, while the two friends were lost in reflection, Mousse 
himself was thinking about the past. Specifically how he was going to 
make the survivors pay for letting Shampoo die, and especially those 
who he had stupidly thought were his friends.

	Yup, he's snapped.  (why has Cologne not put him down or
mind-wiped him yet?)

    "I have discovered directions to an underground missle silo. We 
will travel there. I'm sure at least one missle will be there, and if 
it is, we will use it to kill them all, or failing that, make them 
like us. We will not fail again! Go!"

	Oh my.

	Somewhat uneven development (I'd take a look at the rest of the 
crew if I were you), but if you are not going for the high level suspense 
thing this is a good start.

HTG