<The lights come up in the theatre, to reveal Windir and Frito. The 
aristocratic elf is looking dubiously at a hot dog; Frito has set aside 
his barrel of warehouse-variety popcorn for a quart container of Jolt 
cola and a large-economy-size ball of cotton candy.>

Frito: <Peering out from behind the cotton candy> Hey! Good ta see you 
guys. Today, we're lookin' at "The Sting", by our *good* friend Ranma 
al'Thor. We're gonna have some fun now, he he he... <Grins evilly>

Windir: Oh, Frito?

Frito: Huh?

<Windir says nothing, but mimics putting on and straightening a tie, 
smiling broadly at Frito. Frito gulps nervously.>

Frito: ...uh, we're gonna do a good review for our friend Mr. Biles. 
Right, Wind-b... er, Windir?

Windir: Of course, Frito. <Smiles angelically>

<The lights dim in the theatre.>

  Two voices in a dimly lit room.  Both female.  One is high pitched, 
cultured, and ever so slighty maniacal.  The other is calm and business 
like.  "What do you mean you have him wrapped around your finger?  He's 
my fiancee, not yours!"

Frito: Well, I gotta say, I was confused by this bit --

Windir: That's hardly surprising.

Frito: -- which I guess the writer wanted. I liked the talkin' and the 
voices, but I ain't sure the "fiancee" bit works when ya get to the end 
of the story. Does that crazy broad *really* ever call him her "fiancee"? 
I ain't never seen it, but I only got the Viz stuff, through the cookie 
story.

  The reply comes calmly from a voice that is always calm.  Always rational. 

Windir: I like this as well, but it repeats what the author said in the 
first paragraph. I suspect it would work with better felicity if you 
simply excise this from the first paragraph, and go from the slightly 
maniacal voice to her actual words. 

"I can make him do anything.  Anything at all.  He's my little 
puppet.  My toy.  My cash cow.  I don't need to be engaged to him.  Money 
and fear run thicker than love, anyway.  You can bet on that."

Frito: It ain't hard to tell who *this* is! Though it don't feel right 
for her ta be talkin' about fear -- I ain't never seen her tryin' to 
blackmail nobody. That's a real shame, I picked up some good pointers --

Windir: Frito! We are not here to discuss your petty attempts at larceny.

Frito: Larceny? Oh, is *that* what ya call it?

    "You really believe that?  Well, I can agree with the fear part,

Frito: Ya better believe it, toots! Now *she* is a blackmailer! Whooo, 
what style!

but money is so...pedestrian.  There's always more where it came from."  A 
rattling noise, perhaps that of a teacup.

    "Then put your money where your mouth is.  I propose a bet.  To 
prove which one of us can get him to do what they want better than the 
other."  For a moment, both voices are silent.  The air hangs with 
tension. 

Frito: Alright, who's the hangman? 

<Windir frowns at him>

Frito: Sorry, cheap joke.

Windir: About the only kind of which you are capable, I am certain. You 
do have a point, unfortunately; the phrase is rather cliche. 

    "I accept.  Your foolish boasts are as empty as your love life."

Frito: WheeeYOW! Body-SLAM! Nasty! <Grins, turns, and tries to give 
Windir a high-five. Windir stares him down coldly.>

Windir: An effective insult, yes. I do wonder just how she comes to know 
this much about our friend's romantic interests, especially since she 
goes to a separate girls' school.

Frito: Yeah, so why *ain't* she goin' to the same school? Her brother 
goes to the same school...

Windir: Perhaps their parents felt that it was best, for the sake of the 
community, to avoid concentrating so much... attitude... in a single 
building.

Frito <Slaps Windir on the back, staggering him>: See, I *knew* ya had it 
in ya! Keep it up for another 5 years an' we'll make ya a reg'lar Don 
Rickles!

Windir <Regarding Frito with about as much enthusiasm as a camper can 
muster for the Minnesotan mosquito>: Thank you for the "accolade." I 
think I shall pass.

    Silence.  The voice of reason turns cold.  "It comes down now to 
setting the conditions of our bet.  And the prize to be won..."

Windir: I very much like the idea presented here, but the execution could 
use a little work. In particular, our friend's phrasing is rather 
pompous. 

<Frito snickers.>

Windir: <Looking slightly hurt> No, really. "It comes down now to 
settling the conditions of our bet" is quite stilted and verbose, even if 
the emotional tone of the paragraph calls for a highly formal response...

<Frito breaks out laughing, and falls out of his chair a few seconds 
later. Unfortunately, he forgot to drop the ball of cotton candy... and 
the figure that gets up a minute later is covered with sticky blue tufts 
of candyfloss.>

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
The Sting

by John Biles

Sequel to The Kiss.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Windir: Shouldn't there be some Scott Joplin playing?

Frito: Who's Scott Joplin?

<"The Easy Winners" begins playing in the background.>

Windir: Ah, much better. Thank you.

    "What was the bet?"  Akane asked.  I wonder if he'll ever have the 
sense to stop falling into Nabiki's snares.  She's probably lurking 
somewhere getting ready to take photos of him.  A bush rustled.  Akane 
contemplated tossing a rock into it, then decided not to.  Nabiki wasn't 
used to physical punishment the way everyone else was.  This would 
require subtlety.

Frito: Hey! That ain't Akane! She don't think that much!

    "I..uh...going to...ah...sunbathe, Akane?"  Ranma-chan said.  She 
stared as Akane struck several rather seductive looking poses, although 
they weren't directed towards Ranma, or anyone else for that matter.  She 
might have just been stretching, Ranma-chan thought.  Surely she's not 
coming on to me.  

Frito: Fan service! Fan service! <Cackling> Gotta love it! <Leers at the 
screen>

    "Wha...what feels so good?"  Ranma-chan began wondering if the Akane 
he knew had been kidnapped by aliens and replaced with a body double.  
She looked Akane up and down.  

Windir: A minor note: The gender pronouns for Ranma become mixed up in 
this section...

Frito: Yeah, just like the guy himself! <Snickers>

Windir: ...AHEM... as one can see in the section above. But enough of the 
trivial detail; I find myself empathizing with Ranma, here. As humorous 
as this section is -- and I did indeed laugh when I read it --

<Frito facefaults, and tumbles into his barrel of popcorn -- which he 
pulled up to replace the cotton candy. When he emerges, popcorn crumbs 
are caught in the tufts of candyfloss dotted all over his clothing.>

Frito: WHAT!?!

Windir: -- it seems out of character for Akane. My suspicion is that the 
author included it as a red herring, at least in part. The identities of 
the characters in the opening are left anonymous; while one is fairly 
easy to determine, the other is more open to interpretation. At the time, 
I tentatively identified her as Kodachi; this section seems designed to 
make me doubt that decision.

Frito: <Sourly> Like *that's* never happened before.

The yellow bikini was about as modest as 
bikinis get, but it showed her off to good advantage.  Too bad she can't 
swim, Ranma-chan thought.  She does look kinda cute in that.  Not as 
tomboy like as usual.

Windir: This, I'm afraid, is another example of infelicitious wording. 
The sentiment is certainly appropriate, but the expression could be done 
with a bit more poise.

    Akane rolled over.  "Hmm.  I think I need some suntan lotion."  She 
pointed over to the bottle of lotion lying by Ranma-chan's elbow.  "Can 
you put some on me?"

    Ranma-chan blinked, staring at the bottle, then at Akane.

    "Hello, earth to Ranma.  Come in, Ranma."

Frito: Bwa-ha-ha-ha! 

    "You want me...to put suntan lotion on you?"

    "On my back."  Akane smirked faintly.  "Or are you not brave enough?"

Frito: Pull a clue, bone-brain! I don't care if she is some alien freako 
pod-being from Mars, she is ONE BODACIOUS BABE! Just do it!

Windir: Fascinating. I never knew you had been infected with that 
indescribable blight on our language known as "Valley Talk," or <shudder> 
"Bill 'n Ted-speak". <Peers at Frito> I'm afraid that at this stage in 
the development, the only remaining cure is a prefrontal lobotomy. <Looks 
closer> Unfortunately, it appears to have already been tried.

    "I was not!"  Akane smiled as she heard more clicks from the bush.  
Her hand quietly snaked over to the hose as Ranma-chan tentatively began 
to do her back again.  Before she was quite ready, Ranma-chan was done.  
She would need another distraction.  Hmm.

Frito: Sorry, but this just don't click with me. It don't take *that* 
long to grab a hose!

    "Here's the bottle, Akane.  So you can...uh, do your arms and stuff."

    "Are you sure you don't want to do them, Ranma?"

    Ranma-chan dropped the bottle like it was poison and bolted 
backwards.  "Akane?  Uh...I..."  She must have gone mad, yes, that was it.

Windir: <Snicker>

<Frito's head snaps around to look at Windir.>

Frito: <Suspiciously> You sure *you* ain't been replaced by some alien 
freako pod-being from Mars?

Windir: <Looking slightly embarrassed> I assure you, there are moments 
when even the most culturally-minded people can be amused by such 
low-minded fare.

    Akane advanced on her like a prowling lion.  "I feel so close to 
you, what with you wearing my clothing and all."  Did she really have the 
hose in one hand?"

Frito: Um, that last sentence don't work for me neither.

Windir: Perhaps it is simply the choice of a modifier for "hose", or a 
case of third-person omniscient viewpoint confusion. *We* know that Akane 
is trying to acquire the garden hose by stealth, but *Ranma* isn't 
supposed to know that. The last sentence is apparantly an attempt to show 
us from Ranma's viewpoint that she has indeed acquired the hose, and 
express his surprise; unfortunately, since we the readers have already 
been shown her attempt in omniscient viewpoint, we get the suggestion 
that Ranma also knows about it from his casual reference to "the hose." 
This would probably work be improved by using a modifier which suggests 
that this is the first time Ranma's seeing it -- "the garden hose" for 
example.

Frito: <Disgustedly> Yeah, it's you all right. You caught some real fancy 
words at that school ya went to, now could ya put it in English?

    Ranma-chan laughed, though not as loudly as Akane.  "Good thing 
you're not cursed, Nabiki.  Guess I know now why you wanted me to wear 
this bikini."

    "Well, you're gonna have to do something else then, since you ruined 
the point of this exercise."

    "What?"

    "This camera is water-proof, you see.  And that picture of you 
putting the sun tan lotion on Akane's back.  Well, it would be a tragedy 
if certain people saw that.  They might...take it the wrong way."

Frito: Al-*right*, she *does* do blackmail! Hey, Nabiki, can ya give me 
some tips on...

Windir: I already explained that this is neither the time nor place to 
discuss your petty criminal activities. Boot to the Head! <Thud>

Frito: <Rubbing his head> Hey! I was just tryin' ta say that this don't 
make sense! How did that "ruin the point of this exercise," if the camera 
was waterproof? If she was tryin' ta make blackmail photos, they ain't 
hurt!

Windir: Perhaps that was the author's point.

Frito: Oh. <Shakes his head> It's still confusin'.

    "Hurry up, son-in-law.  We've got plenty more customers for you to 
serve."  Cologne smiled behind the cash register.  With Shampoo sick, 
having Ranma pitching in was quite helpful.  She owed Nabiki a few free 
meals now, but Ranma's girl form always pleased the customers, and happy 
customers ate more.  

Windir: This seems a bit... casual... for Cologne. She usually has a 
scheme, or at least an ulterior motive, and I'm a bit surprised to see 
her enter this sort of bargain without something up her sleeve.

Frito: Aaahhh, it's for the sake of the story. Deal.

    "Whaddya do that for?  I don't want to see Kodachi!"

    Cologne shrugged.  "Shampoo is too sick to see you, but Kodachi is 
paying very handsomely for news of your whereabouts.  There is no point 
in keeping you here, so..."

    "You sold me down the river!  AARGH!"

Windir: Again, this sort of cheap opportunism seems out of character for 
her. She usually goes for much more sophisticated opportunism.

Frito: Was that supposed to be a joke?

    Kodachi half-walked, half-dragged Ranma outside.  "We could catch a 
movie and have a nice home-cooked dinner at my mansion."

    Ranma lied.  "I don't have any money."

    "You just finished working!"

    Honesty this time.  "Nabiki blackmailed me into working for Cologne 
for four hours with no pay."

Windir: A subtle hint, here. Very well done.

    "Well, do you like my new perfume?"  Kodachi dabbed some perfume on 
her hand and held it up for Ranma to smell.

    "It's very nice."  It actually was very pleasant, though strangely 
familiar.  "I can't quite recognize it."

    "It's a more pleasant smelling form of my paralysis gas."  Ranma 
felt his muscles locking up.  

   "ACK!"  He started to run, then fell down, unable to move.

    "This will be a lovely date!"

Frito: <Cackling and rubbing his hands> You said it, toots! I can't wait!

Windir: You'd think Ranma would be a bit more suspicious of her by this 
point; this might work a little better if he showed some reluctance, and 
she forced him to smell it.

[...]

    "I feel like a zombie.  Thanks, Nabiki.  I owe you one."

    Nabiki smiled oh-so-sweetly.  "I know.  And I plan to collect."

    Ranma groaned.  "How soon?"

    "Immediately."

    Hiroshi and Daisuke laughed.  "You did write her a blank check, ya 
know, Ranma."  Daisuke said.  "How broke is he gonna be?"

Frito: I like this part. He he... *poor* Ranma. <Grins predatorially>

Windir: It does have a certain, *je ne sais quoi*, n'est-ce-pas? <Smiles>

    Ranma pounded his head against the park bench while Daisuke and 
Hiroshi laughed.  Nabiki payed them off for their assistance, then she 

Windir: Er... "paid".

took Ranma by the arm.  "Ready to go, Ranma?"

    "Ready as I ever am."  I wonder how many of my fiancees will show up 
and clobber me tonight...

Windir: As do I. Though "tonight" might not be the proper term, given 
that night has probably fallen; it might be better to say "during the 
rest of the evening."

***********************************************************************
    The date was actually going much better than Ranma expected.  They 
had made it through another movie without any attacks, taken a walk in 
the park without Ranma getting wet or attacked, and were now waiting to 
be seated at a nice restaurant.  Of course, Ranma was about to go broke, 
but that was at least not physically painful.  

Windir: Indeed, a red-letter day.

Frito: Three attempts in one day... <Looks suspiciously at Windir> Are ya 
*sure* someboddy didn't spike your kool-aid when no one was lookin'?

***********************************************************************

    Akane sat at the base of the Colonel Chicken statue.  She clutched 
the note in her hand, reading it again.  It said, "Dear Akane.  Please meet 
me at Colonel Chicken for dinner tonight.  Please wait for me, I might 
be late.  Your friend, Ryouga." I should have known better than to expect 
him to show up...but getting out of the house is nice every once in a 
while.  Guess this is going to be a long night....

***********************************************************************

Windir: This is the only one of the "arrangements" I had difficulty 
believing; though she certainly cares about Ryouga, I find it rather 
unusual that she would actually go out on a date with him.

Frito: Again, so what? Deal.

    Nabiki looked over at Ranma, who was starting to twitch.  "Are you 
okay, Ranma?  You look sick.  Too much food?"

    "Where is everyone?"  

    "I decided we needed a little peace and quiet.  So I made a few 
arrangements.  I don't like being attacked while I'm eating."  Nabiki 
smiled.

Windir: Perhaps a little something extra in addition to the deal? I like 
this. Hmmm... how to say it without giving too much away? This works in 
two ways -- as simple kindness, and as a showcase for the advantages that 
certain future alliances could provide...

Frito: You lost me.

Windir: I'll explain below, then. (1)

***********************************************************************

Windir: And now, we come to the part of the story that truly elevates it, 
something that lets me forgive any of its prior flaws.

Frito: <Looking uncharacteristically serious> It does kinda... get ya 
right here, ya know it? <Grinning> 'Course, it also gets ya about a foot 
and a half lower down...

Windir: FRITO!

    Nabiki dragged Ranma upstairs to his bedroom.  He plopped down 
exhausted on his futon.  "Oy...the pain.  That's why I hate dating.  Why 
I really, really hate dating.  I've never had a date that didn't end with 
a brawl."  He took a deep breath and relaxed.  

    Nabiki dug through his closet and tossed him some pajamas.  "Here, 
put these on."

    "Not with you watching!"  For a moment Ranma wondered if Nabiki 
would actually leave.  She did.  He sighed and quickly changed into his 
pajamas, then did some stretches to relieve his tension.

    Soon the door opened again.  It was Nabiki with a half empty plate 
of cookies and some glasses of tea.  "Kasumi gave me this to give you.  
She thought it might make you feel better."

Frito: <Softly> My, aren't we domestic here?

<Windir looks at him oddly>

    "Why?"  Ranma said.  How had she known what he planned to do with 
the money?

    Nabiki contemplated telling Ranma the real reason, then decided this 
wasn't the right time or place, so she'd settle for something equally 
true...but less potentially dangerous.  "Because it shows you're getting 
smarter.  Because I stood to make a profit...Because...you trusted me not 
to cheat you.  I know everyone doesn't trust me very much...I guess 
they've got good reason.  When you're working with a partner, trust is 
vital.  If you can't trust each other, it just won't work out.  I...thank 
you, Ranma."

    Ranma blushed slightly.  "Well, I mean...you're the only person I 
know smart enough to pull off your end of it...and everything, and I...uh..."

    Nabiki cleaned up the remains of the food and drink.  "You don't 
have to say anything, Ranma."  She leaned over and pecked Ranma on the 
cheek.  "And that's for being a good sport and not asking for all the 
money back that you spent on the date.  I had fun...maybe next time we 
can go dancing..."  She picked up the tray and headed for the door.

Frito: Aw, that's sweet.

Windir: <Shocked> Frito, are you all right? You're blushing! <Looks 
again> No, you're not all right. <Thinks for a moment> For that matter, 
neither am I. <Smiles gently>

Frito: Hey, ain't you supposed ta be the Artistic snob?

Windir: And aren't you supposed to be the cynical "I want it dirty and I 
want it *now*" glutton?

*************************************************************************

    Downstairs, Kasumi finally finished cleaning up the kitchen.  "When 
will Nabiki ever learn to clean up after she bakes cookies?"  Kasumi 
muttered to herself, then blinked.  "Nabiki made cookies?  Wait...that 
never happens...I guess it must have been a special occassion.  Oh my."

Frito: Oh, my is right! Who woudda guessed!

Windir: Who indeed. 

-------------------------------------------

(1) As I stated above, Frito, this scene works when played merely as 
simple kindness -- Nabiki shows in the last section that she does have a 
heart and cares about people, that she can do nice things, and this works 
quite well on that level. But it works equally well on another level. 
Assuming I'm reading the implications in the last section correctly, 
Nabiki is showing him something of what she can offer him as a "partner" 
-- she has the clout and the ability to keep the rest of the horde out of 
his hair for a while, and provide a nice, quiet time for just the two of 
them.

Frito: Yeah, right.

<...but for some reason, his voice was missing its usual cynical edge.>

[Editor's note: Hmmm. This pair of sarcastic hard-cases getting 
sentimental over a story? Oh, my.]



Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
 tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
 <http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
 Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)

..Hello. I'm afraid I'm not sapient right now. Please leave a message, 
and I'll get back to you when I reach a higher evolutionary plane. Thank 
you.