Great stuff! I'm not a great fan of lemons (I just skimmed over those 
bits; I don't read them unless they're really, really funny), but this was 
good. 
   The end made a great fight scene, especially. (A young Cologne? Never 
thought of that...was she ever young? Tee hee...good way of disposing of 
Happosai too. The two deserve each other.)
   And you gave Tsubasa to _Azusa_? ROTFL! (Of course I gave him to 
Gosunkugi, but that's not important. I cannot quite see Ryoga going to Ukyo 
in the end--they've got Akari and Konatsu respectively, after all--but 
that's just me. Those relationships never were fully resolved, so who 
knows?)
   Some criticisms though:
   1. About the lemon bits: As I said, I'm no fan of lemons, so this may be 
just my biases getting in the way, but many of the lemon scenes seemed 
rather superfluous. The story could have done without most of them, so if 
you need to cut (you'd feared it was too long) go for those first. In 
particular, I'd get rid of the male stripper scene, not becuse it's not 
well written (I'm sure it is--but as I said I skimmed over the lemon 
scenes), but because
   a. a second scene of the same type seems particularly redundant;
   b. on a practical note, the female stripper scene will have a MUCH 
greater readership than the male scene (perhaps I'm just deluding myself 
about the opposite sex, but--speaking as a man here--I'm convinced that 
there are far many more male hentais than female ones);
   c. it might make the following scene even funnier. (When I read the 
first draft, before you had put the scene in, the idea of Mikado's telling 
the _very_ embarrassed Ranma, fearing for his life, of the male stripper, 
followed by an immediate cut to the room to where the girls are discussing 
the show they have just seen, struck me as highly amusing. The previous 
scene was from Ranma's perspective, and he--and therefore we--had no idea 
that the girls were capable of as much hentai-ism as the lads, be they 
"macho chicks" or not. We probably knew about Kodachi and Nabiki's perverse 
natures, but the sudden realization that Kasumi, say, was sitting through 
the show and enjoying it made my day. The faster illusions are dispelled, 
the funnier it is.)
   2. About the story itself: What on earth are Shampoo's village doing at 
the wedding? I understood that her wedding to Mousse, and not to Ranma, was 
a violation of their law, which obliges her to marry Ranma. Shouldn't they 
be backing up Cologne, not fighting her? As it is Cologne's "army" is too 
much of a pushover.
   The following will be fairly minor:
   3. I don't know how it is in Japan, but the Western custom that a grrom 
should not see the bride before the wedding is there for a reason. Why are 
the couples spending the night together (at the Kuno mansion no less)? They 
are being married by a minister, correct? ;)
   4. Isn't the mansion actually the principal's house? I'd hardly think he 
would have to enter uninvited to a party on his own property. In any case, 
I know Kuno hates his father's cutting his hair, but couldn't he do it for 
Nabiki at least? (He values Nabiki over his hair, right? :)
   5. I believe Konatsu is the transvestite ninja's given name, not his 
family name. So Akari would call him "Konatsu-chan."
   6. In one scene Herb and his henchmen are getting a good look at Ms. 
Hinako in her adult form. To "grow herself up," as it were, she needs to 
absorb energy from someone or somewhere. Who was it? Is she perhaps the 
bouncer (and if so how did Cologne et al. slip in undetected)? She couldn't 
have used her tank of special fighting fish, otherwise she couldn't have 
reshrunk.
   All in all, though, great stuff. 
   Keep it up!

Paul Corrigan
pcorrig@uoft02.utoledo.edu