On Sun, 25 Feb 1996, "Mr. the Rutsch" <jdrutsch@ucdavis.edu> wrote:

Hey!  I'd REALLY appreciate suggestions.  Keep in mind this is a rough
draft, I'd like to know about things in general.  Thanks.

The only two things I realy noticed were both mechinical in nature.  First, 
was you need to indent.  Since every line was flush with the left margin it 
was sometimes hard to tell when the person speaking or doing an action 
changed.  The second thing was that in many places you had one person saying 
something in quotes and on the same line after the closing quote you had 
another persons reaction.  This caused some confusion on who said what also. 
Fixing this would help the clearity of the story.

                      Thomas Kinnen * Ft Myers, Fl * USA
                        tkinnen@iczer1.usacomputer.net
                   http://iczer1.usacomputers.net/~tkinnen/
                    ftp://iczer1.usacomputers.net/pub/Anime