There is nothing but darkness. Suddenly a blinding light
flashes. In the distance, the rumble of thunder starts,
getting closer, louder reaching a mighty, window shattering
crescendo. Softly, the first few strings of a string orchestra
play as the rest build on level after level of complexity.
THX: THE AUDIENCE IS NOW DEAF
---------------------------------------
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! The long awaited
Grand Finale of A REALLY THINLY VEILED
OTAKU FANTASY FIC
*WHAM*
... ow... Nigel... put down the bokken,
it was a joke! A joke! *WHAM*WHAM*
*WHAM*WHAM*
-editor "Help me!" Rod
---------------------------------------
===============================
Ranma 1/2: Eight Days a Week
Story concept: Astroboy (Nigel M)
Written by: Astroboy (Nigel M)
General Nagging: RpM
based on the characters of Rumiko Takahashi
(and the creators of all the characters that
seem to pop up here every now and then)
===============================
Author's note:
Thanks a lot! Do you know how annoying it is to be
nagged at by Rpm? I mean, here I am, trying to write
another type of fanfic, and then suddenly: "Hey! What
about Eight Days huh?"
------------
EDITOR'S NOTE: Grrrr...
------------
Just kidding! Actually I enjoy writing this fanfic since it
really doesn't involve a lot of effort (except when I'm
blocked, and when that happens. whoooo! =)
Anyway, send all flames, comments, requests etc. to
st2a0@jetson.uh.edu
=M Productions: We Do Weddings!=
==============================
=RESOLUTIONS: THE EIGHTH DAY=
==============================
-----------------------------
--Saturday Morning Cartoons--
-----------------------------
Isamu Hentaii emerged from the blissful oblivion that was
sleep. The first thing he noticed was that he was in pain.
No, not pain. He searched his mind for the right word.
Agony, That was the word he was looking for. Searing
agony. He half opened his eyes, his eyeballs feeling as if
they were floating in a bowl of hot beef soup. He enjoyed
this thought for a moment until he noticed a second thing:
Pussy.
There was a little stuffed pussy cat near his head.
He shot up off the bed which was, to his considerable
shock, much smaller than his. He scrambled for balance,
failed utterly, and fell in a heap onto the floor. The agony
that he was feeling immediately shot up. He groaned
pathetically.
"Good morning!" Nabiki said cheerfully, entering the room.
"Blmfmrfhfguh?" Said the heap on the floor.
Nabiki kneeled down, putting her face near the level of
Isamu's. "What?"
Isamu was running several confusing ideas through his head.
What was Nabiki doing in her house? Why were his walls
this girlie blue color? Why was there a cute pussy cat doll
on his bed? Why was Nabiki talking to him in her
underwear?
Isamu's eyes widened in shock as a thin trail of blood oozed
slowly out his nose. He sat up, this time ignoring his body's
cheerful message that, yes, he was in agonizing pain.
"You! We! Why are-?! Did me-?! And you-! Did you and
me-?! Did we-?!?" He said, in a constant barrage. The
only reason Nabiki even remotely understood him was that
he remembered to talk in Japanese.
"Save your questions for later," she said, going into his
closet and putting on a school uniform. "We're gonna be
late for school again."
She hefted him up and thrust a blue uniform at him. "Here!
Get dressed, quick!" At that, she
blew out the door.
Isamu, his head still feeling like it was stuffed with cotton
candy, got into the uniform. "She's right," he thought as he
put on some frilly socks. "I'll deal with this after school."
"Isamu! We're going outside now! Hurry up!" She called
from downstairs.
Isamu adjusted the blue uniform quickly and ran downstairs.
Strangely enough, Nabiki's dad was in his house too. And
so was Mr. Saotome. He said a quick "Hello!" To both of
them as he raced by them. At this point, his mind was
finally clearing up. He ran out the gate and a flash of
intense light greeted him.
"GOTCHA!!!" Ranma, Akane and Nabiki yelled. Nabiki
was holding a camera in her hand, as Ranma and Akane
were leaning on each other, laughing so hard that tears were
streaming down their faces.
"Gotcha? C'mon! We're gonna be-" Isamu looked down
and finally realized why he felt the uniform was utterly
wrong.
He was in a uniform.
A Furinkan High uniform.
A GIRL'S Furinkan High uniform.
--------------------------------------------------------
Jamie Madrox opened his eyes. Yellow rays of sunlight
penetrated the translucent curtains of his hotel room.
He smiled. Last night was extremely fun. The club, the
dancing, he especially liked participating in a bloodthirsty
mob. Today, well, today could be fun too.
-------------------------------------------------------
Acme Labs, Japan Station.....
Pinky woke up. Immediately he went into fifty tail springs and a
hundred 'narfs'.
"Sshush, Pinky!" Brain hissed, although not as harsh as
usual. Brain was in a good mood, his martial arts android
worked perfectly last night. The grand melee with the
gymnastic lunatic went well, and more importantly, they
thought he was just another martial artist.
Brain picked the lock on their cage and stepped out. Pinky
hopped out and ran towards the rack where the scientists
kept the magazines. Brain sat down in front of a blackboard
and started scribbling notes. Now he needed a device that
can seek out martial artists to defeat, he thought. He was in
the process of designing one when Pinky shouted from
across the room.
"Egads, Brain! We're in the comic books!" Pinky shouted
happily.
"No, Pinky. That scheme failed remember?" Brain said,
irritated. He despised being interrupted.
"But look, Brain! Narf!" Pinky said, holding up a recent
copy of the Incredible Hulk. "That's us innit?"
Brain looked closely. "Why, yes it is!" He said in
amazement.
-----------------------------------
Isamu stood in front of the Tendo Dojo, the wind whipping
his skirt around his legs. The mischievous trio that got him
in it were still laughing, their laughter filling the morning air.
"What-?" Isamu tried again.
In between fits of laughter they started explaining. They led
Isamu into the house as Soun and Genma, and now Kasumi,
stared oddly at them.
"We (haha!) we found you unconcious outside the gate last
night," Ranma began patting Isamu's shoulder
good-naturedly.
"(hahahaha!) Yeah. We heard (haha) noises outside and
when (haha) when we looked out, there you were," Akane
continued.
They led him back to the room where his clothes were and
continued explaining to him from the other side of the door.
"Anyway," Nabiki tried, then broke into laughter. "Sorry,
anyway, we dragged you in, slapped some medicine on you
and let you sleep it off."
By now, Isamu emerged, clothed in the stuff he wore the
night before, but still red in the face.
"Me, Ranma and Akane stayed up a little while longer after
everybody else went to bed," Nabiki said, wiping off some
tears and steering Isamu to the breakfast table. Kasumi
smiled at them and started putting some food on the table.
Soun and Genma were on the patio, fanning themselves and
playing shogi.
In between mouthfuls, they spilled the rest of the story.
How they wondered what happened, the extent of his
injuries, and how Nabiki came up with the whole thing.
"I did not!" Nabiki protested. "The uniform, yeah, but I
vividly remember entering the discussion with you two
plotting already."
Akane reached over and playfully patted Isamu's cheek.
"We had to do something to him," she said. "For that kiss
and all. We thought making him think it was a school day
was enough."
Isamu smiled. He had to admit, it was a pretty good joke.
"So, am I forgiven? You know I'm never gonna trust any of
you ever again?"
"Who cares?" Akane laughed. "And yes, I think that was
payback enough."
Isamu got up, "Ok, I'll be back in a little while. Are you
going somewhere?"
"No," Nabiki shrugged, munching on some bread.
"Ok, I'll be back. I gotta get out of these clothes." He went
to the kitchen and said his good-byes to Kasumi, waved his
good-byes to everybody else and left.
--------------------------------------------
Mousse was lying down on a rooftop, his afro providing
both cushion and shade against the early morning glare.
"Shampoo," he thought, "one day, you'll be my bride."
STAYING ALIVE, STAYING ALIVE!
AH AH AH AH STAYING ALIIIIHIHIVE!
Mousse sat up furiously. "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!!" He
shouted to the world in general.
---------------------------------------------
Shampoo walked down the street with 'Nimaii'. He was
cute, she thought, although a bit on the dumb side.
"Shampoo like you, yes?" She tried.
"Yes," replied 'Nimaii'.
"But only as friend," she insisted.
"Mommy is friend," 'Nimaii' agreed.
"Shampoo not your Mommy!" She said loudly, a couple of
people looking up. She sighed, he just didn't get her point.
Her eyes caught sight of the window of the pet shop they
were passing. A cute little dog, brown like a chocolate, its
little tail wagging furiously barked happily at her.
"Cute puppy! Cute puppy!" Shampoo squealed.
The okonomiyaki monster took note. Mommy liked that
form better. Eventually Shampoo waved good-bye to the
little puppy and continued on their way.
"Ok, we try this again. Shampoo like you, yes?"
--------------------------------------------
"Ooh! Cute puppy! Cute puppy!" Asuza Shiratori
squealed.
--------------------------------------------
"Ooh! Cute puppy! Cute puppy!" Atsuko Natsume
squealed.
The man who owned the pet store looked out the window
of his shop.
"I don't understand why they don't buy the damned things,"
he told his assistant. "All they do is stand outside and
squeal." He sighed. "At least it's better than yesterday, if
that foreign bastard walked in one more time singing 'How
much is that dog-gie in the window', I swear I would've
blown his head off."
--------------------------------------------
Isamu drove his car down the street to his house. His radio
blasting "Staying Alive" by the Beegees. Boy, who
would've thunk it? A 70's radio station in Japan?
Isamu showered, got into some fresh clothes, and walked
back to the Tendo home. He looked at his watch, it said
10:37. He let his mind wander. At this time last week, he
was unaware of the madcap world that Nabiki inhabited.
He smiled. He felt lucky.
---------------------------------------------------
Madrox watched Isamu leave the house. He smiled. The
boy never was a homebody, he thought, creeping towards
the house. He should be gone for the better part of the day.
His grin went even wider as he thought of what he was
preparing for the unsuspecting boy.
--------------------------------------------------
Ryu woke up, his head felt like someone was dancing on it.
The world smelled bad. He opened his eyes and saw a
white thing, it seemed to be the source of the smell. Ryu
got up, his vision blurring. He snorted disgustingly. Ken
was sprawled on the bed, snoring loudly. His foot inches
from where Ryu's face had been.
"Hey! Ken!" He said, shaking his buddy awake. "What
happened?"
"urhglegurgle," Ken retorted. Ken's eyes focused. "Hey,
Ryu-san! I didn't know you could dance like that!"
"Dance?"
"Yeah! Last night! Remember?"
"I don't-"
"I never thought of using the Hurricane Kick as a dance
move!" Ken said happily.
"Look," Ryu said desperately. "If anyone asks, I got
ambushed by Akuma, ok?"
-------------------------------------
Isamu knocked on the Tendo gate. Something was nagging
at his memory, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember
what. Kasumi answered the door and let him in.
"Hello, Kasumi!" He greeted, following her.
"Why hello, Isamu," She greeted, as she walked back into
the kitchen. "As you can see, Ranma and his dad are
training at the moment," she indicated Genma and Ranma
sparring at the pond. "Nabiki said she had to take care of
something, and Akane's in the dojo."
"You're amazing," Isamu grinned. "You keep track of
everybody?"
"Someone has to," she smiled and walked off. "Dad's
upstairs, fixing one of the doors," her voice said from the
kitchen.
He smiled. More to her than meets the eye, he thought. He
headed for the dojo, walking quietly. Akane was kneeling
over three bricks, obviously preparing to break. She was
turned away from the door. Isamu hung back, not calling
attention to himself. He watched as she took two even
breaths and struck. The bricks split neatly in half, the pieces
falling to the floor.
"How was that?" Akane asked, not turning around.
"Terrific!" Isamu clapped as she gave a mock bow.
"It was nothing," Akane said dismissively. She raised her
fist and waggled it. "All in the wrist."
"You think you can teach me then?" Isamu asked, joking.
"Sure."
"Really?" Isamu asked, intrigued. "Seriously?"
"Yeah, I told you, it's pretty simple."
Akane set up one brick and guided him into position. "You
know martial arts already right?"
"Uh-huh."
"Ok, then I'll skip all the obvious explanations," she
continued. "First, you have to know where to hit. In this
case here," she said, tapping a spot a little off center of the
brick.
"Shouldn't I hit it here?" He asked, pointing at the exact
center.
"No. Hit it at it's weakest point."
"Ok."
"Now, the second, more important point is where to aim,"
she said.
"Aim? I thought I was suppose to aim here?" He indicated
the spot she pointed out.
"No, that's where you _hit_. You aim here," she said,
pointing at an area below the brick. "You're not actually
trying to break it as much as you're trying to go through it.
The point you want is here. The brick is just in the way."
Isamu nodded. "I think I got it."
She smiled. "Go for it."
Isamu took a few deep, controlled breaths. In. Out. In.
Out. He looked down at his target, his arm in the
prescribed breaking position. He visualized his fist,
whizzing through space and hitting the spot he aimed for,
cutting through the brick like so much powder.
He let out a mighty yell. And struck.
"KII-YAII!!"
----------------------------------------
The Pigtailed Goddess ran through the forest, as clothed as
she was when she was born. Well, maybe not. She didn't
have a lot of blood on her, and there's the conspicuous
absence of an umbilical cord and a placenta dangling from
it. But other than that.... Tatewaki Kuno ran after her, his
sword waving in the breeze.
"Choose me, my love! Choose me!" She giggled as she
ran.
"I shall! Pigtailed Girl it is you that I love!"
Akane Tendo appeared, her hair blowing in the wind, the
translucent dress she wore drifted away. "What about me,
Kuno my love?"
"Akane Tendo! My one true love!" He stood at a
crossroads. One led to the naked pigtailed girl, the other, the
unclad Akane Tendo. He looked one way, then another.
Faster and faster.
"Which shall you choose?" They smiled beguilingly.
"Which of us do you love?"
"I LOVE YOU BOTH! I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT
EITHER!" He screamed.
"You must choose one! Choose one! Choose one!" They
said, disappearing from view.
"NO!" Kuno yelled, waking up.
-------------------------------------------
Ranma leaped into the air, nimbly avoiding another kick
from his dad. He had a big grin on his face. He and Akane
were finally going out with each other. He threw a few
lows in the direction of his dad and continued reminiscing.
He realized that all this time, even through all the arguments
and fights, that Akane was the one person that he truly
wanted to go out with. The night would have ended
spectacularly if the Tendos and his dad didn't burst in, but
aside from that the day went pretty well.
"So Ranma," Genma said as he deftly blocked one of
Ranma's kicks. "When should we set the wedding date?"
"Shut up, Pop!" Ranma fumed, throwing a few rapid
punches. "We went out once, that's all."
"Foolish boy!" Said Genma, exchanging blows. "The time
has come for you to settle down and take over the Anything
Goes School and take care of your lovely wife Akane."
Ranma kicked him into the pond, effectively silencing him.
Wife, he didn't even think about that. Will he marry her?
Will she marry him? Will he survive a marriage with her?
-------------------------------------------
Nabiki walked back towards the dojo, pockets bursting with
yen. She had gone to the local college to use their
computer, since she had just sold hers and was about to buy
a newer model anyway. Out of curiosity, she tried to pull
articles on Isamu's family business and she stumbled upon a
small article done on Isamu. The article had something on
him that he seemed to have forgotten to mention. She
wondered why.
-------------------------------------------
"YYYEOUUWWCH!!!" Yelled Isamu, dancing around
and clutching his hand. He glared at the brick that was solid
as ever. It seemed to be smirking at him. Akane quickly
went to the corner of the room where there was a small
refrigerator. She pulled out one of many icepacks and
tossed it at Isamu. Isamu caught it in the face, but managed
to put it on his sore hand.
"Let me see," Akane said, inspecting his hand. "Nothing
broken, just bruised that's all."
Isamu flexed his hand a couple of times. "Hurts like bloody
hell though."
"I know," she said. "Had to go through that a couple of
times before I got it right too."
They sat down in the middle of the dojo, shooting the
breeze.
"Kasumi, now _she_ could break." Akane said, as Isamu
lay on the floor.
"What, Kasumi? Like your sister Kasumi? Sweet, never-
gets-mad-Kasumi? That one?"
"Uh-huh," she answered, brushing her hair back, tucking
some errant strands behind her ear. "I remember once, I
was maybe around twelve, there was this really strong
storm. We all had to go to the cellar-"
"You have a cellar?"
"Storm cellar," she nodded, closing her eyes as she let the
memories flood back. "Out back. Anyway, this storm
blew our oak tree down on the door. Dad couldn't budge it,
but Kasumi, she calmly walked up to it, split it into three
pieces and helped Dad roll it off."
"The whole oak tree?" He asked, trying to imagine splitting
something with the circumference of a diesel tire.
"Yup," Akane said, leaning back. "Sometimes I think that's
why she's so calm. She knows she can snap each and
everyone of us in two."
"What about Nabiki?"
"Ah, now Nabiki was different," she said, adjusting her belt.
"Nabiki was never the fastest or the strongest or anything.
But she found ways."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, she just came up with these moves that confused
the heck out of us." Akane smiled. "For example, I was
watching her and Kasumi spar, right? And Kasumi was
getting through with some really good shots. Suddenly, as
she was about to get it in the face, she turned around!
Kasumi pulled back, stopping her fist inches from Nabiki's
face. Nabiki grabbed Kasumi's hand and threw her over her
shoulder. I remember Kasumi laughing hard."
"Does Ranma practice Anything Goes too?" He asked,
walking over to the door and watching Ranma-chan and the
Panda soggily spar.
"Yes and no." Akane answered. He noticed another
change in voice as she started talking about Ranma.
"Ranma mixes his style with one or two others. I practice a
purer form of Anything Goes; Tendo Anything Goes
Martial Arts. He practices Saotome School. But the basics
are the same."
Isamu walked back and sat in front of Akane. They sat
there in silence for a few minutes. Like all Saturday
breezes, the one that blew through the dojo held promises
of excitement and mischief. They listened to Ranma-chan's
grunts of effort as she continued sparring with her father.
"Can you teach me?" Isamu asked.
"What, now?" Akane asked back.
"Why not," Nabiki said, walking in.
"Hello, Nikki," Isamu said, getting up and giving Nabiki a
kiss.
"Who's Nikki?" Nabiki asked, frowning slightly.
"It's my nickname for you," Isamu shrugged.
"No it's not," said Nabiki. "I like my name just the way it
is."
"So where'd you go?" Akane asked, standing up.
Nabiki smiled at them, touching her nose lightly. The signal
for 'that's my business'.
"Oh, fine," Isamu said, going into a mock weeping pose.
"Don't tell us," he put an arm around Akane's shoulders.
"The people whom you are closest to."
"Akane," Nabiki said. "Teach him the first thing we all
learned," she said, smiling.
"The first thing you learn," she said, suddenly grabbing his
arm. "Is how to fall." With that, she threw him over her
shoulder. Isamu flew threw the air with the grace of a brick
and landed exactly like one too.
-----------------------------------------------
Jamie dug in his multiple pockets. He had a lot of people to
call.
"Hi!" He greeted on the phone, "This is Jamie.... no,
Jamie..... J-A... Yeah the one in the overcoat. Listen, I'm
throwing a party tonight and-"
----------------------------------------------
Kasumi called everybody to lunch. Ranma-chan and Genma
panda came in towels in hand. Soun came down from the
bedrooms, extremely proud of himself for doing some
mundane maintenance. Akane came in laughing, followed
by Nabiki, who was riding on Isamu's back.
"This isn't really what Japanese boyfriends do for their
girlfriends, is it?" Isamu asked, naively. Actually, he didn't
mind it too much.
"Sure it is," Akane said, winking at Ranma-chan. "Oh,
Ranma," she singsonged.
"Ooh, no," Ranma-chan said, shaking her head. "You're too
heavy for me."
Akane bopped him on the head. "Jerk!"
"That's enough, you two, " Soun said, calming them down.
He gestured to Isamu, "Come in, son."
"Smells good," Isamu said as Kasumi put some food in his
bowl. "Akane, which one did you make?"
Ranma-chan choked on her rice, snapping her chopsticks.
She tried to sputter some comment but Akane immediately
got behind her, pounding her back.
"Are you ok, Ranma?" Akane said, deliberately hitting
Ranma's back excessively hard.
Ranma didn't get the message at all. "No. Isamu, Akane's
cooking is terrible."
Akane immediately booted Ranma-chan through the roof.
"Jerk."
"How does she do that?" Isamu asked, watching as the
little speck that was Ranma reach the apex of her flight.
--------------------------------------------------
Ranma-chan flew higher and higher.
"Stupid tomboy," she muttered. "And I was gonna ask her
out again too."
"HEY! BABY! CUTIE PIE! WHAT'S YOUR PHONE
NUMBER?" Yelled Ataru, as he started descending from
his flight. He started swimming through the air, trying to
get closer to Ranma-chan.
"Darling! Stop flirting! Come back here!" Said Lum,
flying across Ranma-chan's flight path. "Excuse me."
"Sure," Ranma-chan said, letting her pass.
"I'll kill him!" Benten seethed, flying by on her bike.
"LUM-CHAN!!" Rei shouted in his tiger-cow form, flying after them.
"It sure is crowded up here today."
"Sure is," Karin observed, putting her hoverbike into high gear.
--------------------------------------------------
Akane slowly went through the first forms of Anything
Goes as Isamu tried to copy it.
"Raise your right arm higher," Soun instructed, watching
Isamu. "Right, now see how she slides her weight to the
front foot as she pivots? There you go."
"Hey Akane," Nabiki called, lounging around near the door
of the dojo. "You must've sent Ranma far today. It's been
nearly an hour."
"I know exactly where I sent him," Akane said smugly,
smoothly going through her forms. "He should've landed
somewhere near Tomobiki."
---------------------------------------------------
Ranma-chan ducked and smacked Ryoga in the stomach.
By an unfortunate coincidence, Ryoga was being lost in
Tomobiki when she finally landed.
"Getting slow, Ryoga." Taunted Ranma-chan, sticking her
tongue out and wagging it at him.
Ryoga seethed. "You went out with Akane last night."
"Yeah, so?"
"What did you do to her!?" He shouted, swinging his
umbrella.
"Nothing!" Ranma-chan said, swerving and tripping him
up.
"Liar! You probably... you probably.. you probably took
her sweet innocence didn't you?!"
"Wh-what?" Ranma-chan shouted indignantly. "Stupid!"
Why would-"
"You did! You sullied the honor of Akane," said Ryoga, as
tears started streaming down his cheeks. "Akane! Poor
Akane!" Ryoga's eyes flared red. "I'll kill you!"
Ryoga swung again, narrowly missing Ranma-chan.
Ranma-chan flipped backwards, trying to gain a breather.
Ryoga threw a bandanna which tripped up Ranma-chan and
ran up for the kill.
---------------------------------------------------
Shutaro Mendo strode down the street purposely. Actually,
he had nothing in particular to do at the moment, but
striding down the street purposely looked much better. He
heard a commotion around the corner and sped up, his hand
instinctively going for his sword. The fool Moroboshi must
be the cause of all this. He rounded the corner and
unsheathed his sword in one smooth motion, swinging down
on the head of the person around the corner.
---------------------------------------------------
Ryoga turned, let go of his umbrella, and caught the blade
using the butterfly technique, trapping the sword between
his palms. The boy who wielded the sword reminded him of
the infuriating idiot Kuno.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He shouted
angrily.
Mendo blinked. It wasn't Moroboshi. "My apologies, good
sir. I had you mistaken for someone else," he said,
sheathing his sword smoothly.
Ranma-chan watched this exchange and suddenly leapt up
and threw her arms around a pleasantly surprised Mendo.
"Oh please, gallant sir," she sobbed, batting her doe-eyes at
him. "Please save me from this wicked, wicked man."
Mendo's eyes flared as he gave Ryoga a menacing look. He
looked into Ranma-chan's eyes with a smoldering look and
talked in his deep, romantic voice. "Don't worry miss," he
intoned silkily. "I, Shutaro Mendo, shall save you from this
villain."
Geez, Ranma-chan thought. This guy's almost as bad as
Kuno. Out loud, Ranma chan said "Oh, thank you." She
blinked her cute, girlie eyes at him one more time.
Ryoga exploded with anger. "Ranma! I'll kill you!"
Shutaro pushed Ranma-chan gently away from him. "Go
on, I'll take care of him."
Ranma-chan blew a raspberry at Ryoga and skipped happily
away, back to Nerima.
"Now, for displaying such rudeness to a female," Mendo
began, unsheathing his katana menacingly.
"You moron!" Ryoga shouted, charging towards the
direction that Ranma went. "That was a guy!"
"You're the moron!" Mendo laughed. "That was most
definitely a girl."
"Get out of my way!" Ryoga shouted as his umbrella and
Mendo's sword clashed. "He took the flower of innocence
from Akane!"
"You're a disgusting pervert!" Mendo said, leaping back.
"I'll be glad to dispose of you."
Ryoga was frustrated, and he yelled his frustration to the
world.
"RANMA! YOU DIDN'T EVEN USE PROTECTION,
DID YOUUUUUU!!!!"
-----------------------------------------------
Ranma approached the Dojo gate, now male thanks to a
kettle of hot water courtesy of Dr. Tofu. The house was
strangely silent. Ranma looked around and after a few
minutes, confirmed that the house was indeed empty. He
went to the kitchen and finished what food Kasumi had left
him. Could they be in the dojo? He thought. But what
would all of them be doing there? He decided to check
anyway, walking the short distance between the house and
the dojo. The door to the dojo was closed. Strange, he
thought. He was about to slide open the door when he
heard the first moans.
"Ooh," moaned a voice that Ranma was sure was Akane.
"That feels so good! Do that again, Isamu. Ohhh!!"
Ranmas hand flew to his mouth in a classic pose of shock.
Do it again, Isamu? That feels so GOOD? THAT FEELS
SO _GOOD_? Ranma's hand reached for the handle again,
sure that he misheard.
"Do me, Isamu," said Nabiki's voice, then came the sound
of flesh being pounded. "Oh, yeah! Ohh!" By this time ,
Ranma's eyes have grown to the approximate size of
platters. Serving platters. Large serving platters.
"Oh my gods," Ranma squeaked. The depravity! The
perversion! Well, he was gonna put a stop to that.
"It's my turn again," Said Kasumi's voice silkily. "Gently, if
you please."
"Gentle it is," Said Isamu's voice, sounding tired.
Ranma's head was boiling. He _should_ be tired! All three
of them?! At the same time!? Ranma ground his teeth.
Death's too good for this guy! he thought, his mind racing.
I'm gonna-
"Do me!" Cried his father's voice, forcing Ranma to choke
down the bile he was about to spew.
"No! Me first! Ahhhh!" Groaned Soun contentedly.
Ranma's mind spun with disgust. The whole family!? ALL
the Tendos _and_ his dad?!!
Finally, Ranma could take it no more. He rushed in, eyes
closed to the carnal carnival within.
"STOP!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THE GODS!! FOR
ALL THAT'S DECENT!! STOOOPP!!!!"
------------------------------------------
"STOP HIM!! KILL HIM!! CASTRATE HIMMM!!!!!!"
Happousai ran happily away from the blood thirsty mob that
was hot on his heels. This particular panty raid had gone
well, he thought, glancing back ever so often to his lovely
sack of underwear.
"WHAT A HAUL!" He yelled gleefully. He accelerated,
not wishing to spend the whole afternoon running. He
spotted a perfect hiding place as he turned a corner. The
rare captylus aforoherus. A large, dense bush that mainly
grew in Africa. He dove in, disappearing from view. He
watched as the horde of screaming valkyries thundered past
him. He chuckled softly when suddenly, the bush spoke.
"And what, may I ask, are you doing in my hair?" Asked
Mousse irritatedly.
-------------------------------------------
Six pairs of eyes bored into Ranma's skull. Ranma stood
there, arms raised in a pose of righteous indignation and
anguish. The scene in the dojo was a strange one. Ranma
recognized the spare cots that the Tendo's kept for
unexpected guests. They were all lined up in a row, on each
one were the Tendos and his Dad. Isamu was currently
standing on Soun's back, obviously massaging his back in
the classic shiatsu technique.
Nabiki spoke first. "And what," she asked slyly. "Praytell,
are we supposed to stop?" She asked an obviously nervous
Ranma. "In the name of decency and the gods, I mean?"
"Errr, um," Ranma tried. His mind was running miles a
minute trying to find a way to spit out his foot, which he
seemed to have swallowed, along with his lower leg and
most of his upper thigh. A small part of his mind was
happily informing him that, yes, he was definitely screwed.
"nothing," he squeaked meekly, as they stood up and started
stretching.
"This young man would make a fine addition to our family,"
Soun weeped (no. 35- Someone Would Make A Fine
Addition To Our Family). "I'm glad you found him,
Nabiki."
"I'm not planning to marry him yet, Daddy," Nabiki said,
cracking her back.
"I wouldn't mind," Isamu said nonchalantly.
"Ranma," Akane said sleepily. "Come over here," she
beckoned to him. "Carry me," she said, holding her arms
out.
Ranma, a little shocked over this, did as he was told. As he
walked out the dojo, they heard Akane ask him what he
wanted them to stop.
They waited expectedly. And then....
"YOU PERVERT! YOU SICK ANIMAL!!" They heard
Akane shout, and a loud crash as if an object crashed
through the floor.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Madrox rigged the door with fine precision. It was hard, he
thought. But that's why he got paid the big money.
Besides, he admitted. He enjoyed his work.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"Ryu-buddy," Ken said, shaking his head. "I thought you
could hold your liquor better than this."
"Shut up," Ryu said, wiping his mouth.
"Don't worry," Ken said calmly. "I got what you need."
"Aspirin?"
"Naw," Ken laughed. "The only cure to a great night is
another one! Ryu ol' buddy ol' pal, we're going to a party!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"Akane," Isamu said, trying to sweep her feet. Akane
shuffled her feet slightly, avoiding his.
"Uh-huh?" She said, rushing in for a one-two punch that
found it's mark.
"(whoof ooof) I've gotta ask you something," he said,
rolling back onto his feet and circling.
"Go right ahead," she said, aiming a kick at his head, which
he very nearly didn't duck.
"How do you do that thing with the hammer?" He asked,
getting swept off his feet.
Akane smiled. "You mean this?" She said as a mallet
materialized in her hands and descended rapidly towards
Isamu's head.
"EEP!" He squealed, rolling away. "Time-out! No fair!"
Akane smiled, making the hammer disappear again. "Here
you go," she said, helping him up. "No such thing as 'unfair'
in this martial art," she informed him. "A-ny-thing-goes-
mar-tial-arts. The name says it all."
"Ok, ok," he conceded. "But what about the mallet?"
Akane looked around. "Well, it's not part of the style." She
said. "And I've never told anyone before."
"Tell me!" Isamu said eagerly. "I won't tell anybody! I
promise!" He wheedled and cajoled for a few minutes.
"Well," Akane finally gave in. "Ok. Watch carefully."
She showed him exactly how to do it.
"Wow," he said with amazed awe.
-------------------------------------------------------
"It is now 6:07 p.m. when the sunset is at its most
beautiful," said Kuno, walking down the street, a bouquet of
flowers in each hand. "So it is rightfully so that the rising
young star of the high school kendo world greets his loves
at this time."
-------------------------------------------------------
At that exact time, in the darkness of a house......
"Hi! Glad you could make it! No, no, you didn't have to
bring anything. Come in! Remember me? Well, at least
you remembered to come."
-------------------------------------------------------
Acme Labs......
"Now is our chance, Pinky!" Brain shouted, getting into the
android body suit.
"To do what (poit)?" Asked Pinky, thoughtfully probing
the inside of an ear.
"Guess," Brain gritted, trying to keep his temper in check.
"Oh, right, right, take over the world (narf)." Said Pinky,
scrambling up into the machine.
Brain looked down on his scanner. "It seems," he began.
"That a large contingent of martial artists are gathering at
this domicile," he pointed at the screen. "We shall go there
as well."
---------------------------------------------------------
Tokyo Airport....
"Taxi! Taxi! Take us to... oh, damn. He doesn't speak
English. Mulder, can you-? No, it's too much to ask that
you'd be any help. Here," Agent Scully thrust a piece of
paper at the taxi driver. "Take us to Nerima."
----------------------------------------------------------
"Get dressed, man!"
"I am, Ken!"
"You're wearing that?"
"What else am I suppose to wear?"
"You wear that every single day, fer christ sake! I'm sorry,
Ryu. But to be brutally honest, you stink."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Nabiki was watching the news when Isamu and Akane came
in. Ranma was still where Akane left him, his head deeply
implanted through the floor. Although he seems to have gained
consciousness since he was struggling to pull out, his behind
wagging in the air. Nabiki turned off the tv and watched
Ranma for a while. She turned to Akane.
"This is better that watching tv, Akane." Said Nabiki
cheerfully after awhile. She gestured for Akane to come
and watch with her but Akane declined and went to take a
nice, long bath.
Isamu sat beside Nabiki. She was aware of the smell of his
sweat, which for some unknown reason, did not smell
particularly bad to her. He smelled like he had just exerted
a tremendous amount of energy. She snuggled up to him a
little, heedless of what his sweaty body did to her shirt.
"Well," he said after a while. "I don't think I expected to be
sitting here in your living room, watching Ranma waggle his
butt at us."
She laughed. "Would you rather be doing something else?"
She asked him coyly. He looked at her for a little while,
then kissed her softly on the lips. "Let's go help him out
first," Isamu said, standing up. "It's kinda hard to be
romantic when there's a third party wagging their butt at
you."
"Oh, you must think I'm enjoying this," Ranma grumbled.
With a little effort, they helped him off the floor. Ranma
dusted himself off angrily. "Stupid tomboy," he muttered,
stomping off towards the bathroom.
"It must be love," Nabiki sighed.
"Isn't Akane in there?" Isamu asked.
"Oh, well," Nabiki said dismissively. "I think he'll find out
real soon."
There was a yelp of surprise followed by a splash. Other
than that, though, there was silence. There was silence for
a long moment.
"Hey," Isamu said uncertainly. "You think-"
"I think," Nabiki said, "That it's none of our business," she
said, and, being the nineties woman that she is, swept Isamu
into her arms and kissed him passionately.
"JERK!" They heard Akane shout from the bathroom.
"Ah," Isamu said sagely. "Delayed reaction."
--------------------------------------------------
Ranma and Akane sat with their backs to each other in the
hot tub. Akane was about to take off her top when Ranma
walked in. Ranma fell into the tub in surprise and Akane
immediately pounced on him, ready to drown him. Much to
his surprise, she didn't.
"So," Akane said.
"So," said Ranma.
The silence returned.
"Thanks for not hitting me," Ranma began.
"It wasn't your fault," Akane answered. "I didn't leave my
slippers at the door."
[AUTHOR'S CULTURAL NOTE: I read that
Japanese bathrooms do not have any locks and the sign
that the bathroom is occupied is that you leave your
house slippers in front of the door.]
"This is nice," Ranma said, splashing the water around.
"Uh-huh," answered Akane. "You know, if you could just
explain yourself faster, I wouldn't hit you so much."
"Heh," Ranma smirked. "I don't think anybody could talk
that fast."
"Akane," Ranma asked turning towards her. "Do you mind-
?" He said, indicating with his hands what his intention was.
Akane gazed thoughtfully at him. They _were_ officially a
couple. Isn't that what couples do? "I don't see why not."
And so they did. Tentatively at first, then passionately.
They kissed.
"JERK!" She shouted, punching him and knocking the
wind out of him. Ranma sank under the water slowly.
Ranma sputtered to the surface. "(ptui) What was that
for?"
"Appearance's sake," Akane smiled.
-----------------------------------------------------
Isamu's mind was still reeling a bit. The general ruckus that
Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome get up to when they get happy
is a sight he'll not soon forget. But he'll try. Beside him
walked Nabiki, strolling in the moon's glow, two young
people in seeming love.
"Do you believe them," Nabiki said, putting her arm around
him. "That they just fell into the bathtub? It did take a long
while before we heard her shout."
"Well," Isamu thought. "Yeah. Ranma and Akane just
don't seem the type to, um, they just don't seem the type."
"Good answer," Nabiki clapped. "Noncommittal, while
sounding informative. I can make something out of you
yet."
"Hey! Wait up!" Ranma shouted, running after them,
Akane holding onto his hand.
"Hi!" Nabiki greeted.
"Could we stay over at your place for a while?" Akane
pleaded. "Dad's getting really unbearable."
"Oh, now, come on," Isamu cocked his eyebrow. "How
much worse can he get?"
"MY GOOD NEIGHBORS AND FRIENDS! MY
DAUGHTER AKANE HAS FINALLY CONSUMMATED
HER LOVE WITH HER FIANCE!" Soun's voice shouted
clearly, even though they were already a few streets down.
"THEY HAVE BONDED IN THE PHYSICAL WAY
THAT INSURES HEALTHY HEIRS!"
"Well, ok. Maybe a couple of hours."
-------------------------------------------------
The Hentaii home....
"I thought you said there's a party here?"
"Where's the food? I'm hungry."
"Me too. Why the hell do we need to be hiding in the dark
anyway?"
"Where's the bathroom?"
"Ok, for the last time, NO SPITBALLS!"
"I like to eat horsemeat and mice!"
"Ewww, who said that!?"
"Hey, baby! Wanna go get some tea?"
"Ok, I don't know who did that, but I'm gonna clobber the
next person who touches my knee!"
"Ryu, chill!"
"That was your knee?"
"Everybody shut up!!" Jamie hissed. "I think he's coming!"
--------------------------------------------
The four of them walked up to Isamu's house as the sun set,
the night sky was full of stars.
"I don't know about you guys," Isamu said, inserting his
key. "But all I wanna do is sit in front of the tube for a
while."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Ranma nodded his head.
"Oh!" Isamu exclaimed. "I just remembered! With
everything that happened I completely forgot!"
"What?" Akane asked as Isamu walked into the house.
"Today is my-"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" Everybody shouted as both a
bucket of glue and a bucket of feathers fell on Isamu.
---------------------------
-------HAPPY BIRTHDAY?-----
---------------------------
Jamie let out a whoop of joy at the back of the crowd.
"Perfect! A classic!"
Isamu looked around. He looked at Nabiki inquiringly. She
shook her head. Isamu thought about the feathers now
covering him. Now who would do something as childish
and immature as this?
"Jamie," Isamu grinned. "Where the hell are you?"
Ranma looked on as a man in a green overcoat ran up and
shook Isamu's hand grinning like an idiot. Isamu started
when the man shook his hand. He revealed a joy buzzer as
they talked.
"Lots of people here, huh?" Ranma turned to Akane.
"Must be close to sixty," Akane agreed.
Isamu was mugging with Madrox, still covered with chicken
feathers. "So, this is your idea?"
"No," Madrox grinned, waving his drink in the air. "Your
parents wanted you to have one."
"And all these people?" Isamu asked, looking around.
"Pretty eclectic crowd."
"EVERYBODY DIG IN!" Madrox shouted as the human
wave washed over the table groaning with the weight of the
food. "Yeah, mostly people I met at clubs and stuff."
Isamu gestured to Nabiki, Ranma and Akane. They walked
up to the two and Isamu introduced them all.
"This is Jamie Madrox," Isamu introduced him last. "He's a
family friend. Also known as the Multiple Man."
"Why do-" Akane began as somebody turned up the music.
"-they call me-" said Jamie, grinning as he stomped his foot
once.
"-the Multiple Man?" Another Jamie said, stepping out of
the first one.
"It's a knack," Madrox grinned. "Listen, enjoy your party!"
With that, he waded into the crowd and disappeared.
"But I don't know these people!" He called after him, but
he disappeared already.
"Why didn't you tell us it was your birthday today?" Akane
admonished, kissing him on the cheek in a friendly sort of
way.
"I absolutely forgot," Isamu said honestly. "Waking up and
finding yourself tricked into wearing a girl's uniform does that to you."
They looked around the house. It was full, loud music
surged throughout the house. Everybody seemed to be
having a good time, although it had more of a club
atmosphere than anything else.
-------------------------------------
The Brain's martial arts robot stomped through the night.
"Once we have defeated the martial artists gathered in that
house," he said as the robot easily cleared the gap from roof
to roof. "We shall gain fame! Then we can implement the
second part of my plan to take over the world!"
"Ooh! Brain," Pinky shouted excitedly. "Look at this
yellow stuff I found between my toes! Ahahahahaha!
(narf)"
-------------------------------------
The party was in full swing. A few figures crept in the front
door, although they didn't need to since nobody cared about
gate crashers anyway.
"Hey! Mr. Yotsuya! Are you sure about this?" Godai
asked, creeping in. Followed by Akemi and Mrs. Ichinose.
"Live a little!" Mrs. Ichinose laughed, jumping on a table
and dancing, waving her fans in the air.
------------------------------------
"HEY BABY! LET'S GO GET SOME TEA!"
"DARLING!"
"EYYAAHH!" Ataru shouted as Lum cooked him from a
good ten feet away.
----------------------------------
Shampoo leaped from rooftop to rooftop, headed for the
Nekohanten. She finally delivered the last of the orders
and was now off for the night. She landed on a rooftop and
was about to jump again when she thought she heard Ranma's
voice. Without hesitation she leaped down and zoomed into
the house.
Mousse grumbled as the wind carried him high into the Nerima
night. The wind gusted, carrying his afro and himself further
north. He looked down and saw his Shampoo dart into a house.
Fortunately for him, looking down changed the position of his
afro, causing him to streak downwards towards his love.
'Nimaii-kun' followed mommy, running after her. He
noticed something some time ago. He seemed to be having
difficulty changing forms. He better do it now.
Moments later, a small chocolate brown puppy followed
Shampoo.
-----------------------------------
Nuku Nuku was hanging around the buffet table, near the
salmon to be exact. Akane put some food in her own plate
and smiled at Nuku Nuku. Behind her, Ranma piled on the
food.
"Hi!" Akane greeted.
"Hiiii!" Nuku Nuku returned sweetly.
Akane blinked. "You know, you sound like someone I
know."
"I get that a lot!" Nuku Nuku nodded. "Some people think
I have a cd out and have a radio show and I'm part of a
band and I do seiyuu work for tv and stuff!!"
"I'm Akane," Akane introduced herself. "And this is my, uh,
this is Ranma."
"Hi! Nuku Nuku Natsume at your service!" She said
cheerfully.
Akane and Ranma drifted away from her after a few minutes
conversation.
"Boy, is she peppy," Akane said, chewing on her food.
"Why are you so nervous?"
"I don't know," Ranma shivered. "But she really, _really_
makes me uncomfortable."
"RANMA! I HERE!" Shampoo shouted, making Ranma
spill his drink on himself. She hugged Ranma-chan fiercely.
"Wow!" Ataru slobbered, galloping towards the two at
lecherous speed. "Lesbian love!"
"Flirt somewhere else!" Akane shouted, booting Ranma-
chan away.
------------------------------------------
Ryuunusuke looked up. "She's got nice trajectory," she
said, talking to Oyuki.
"Excuse me, sir." Said Ryu, walking past her.
"I AM A WOMAN!" Ryuunusuke shouted, punting him
through the roof.
--------------------------------------
Ranma-chan stomped back towards where Akane was,
grumbling. She bumped into somebody, who turned
out to be Nuku Nuku.
"Excuse me," she said, trying to get through.
"That's ok," Nuku Nuku smiled, then stopped.
A third girl, who was listening to them stared.
"Hey! You sound exactly like me!" Said Nuku, Ranma-
chan and Ai-chan at the same time.
-------------------------------------
"Hey baby! What's your phone number?" Ataru said,
sidling up to Shampoo.
"Ai-yah!" Shampoo shouted, stomping on him. "Get away,
pervert-boy!"
Shampoo fumed a little and started walking away. She felt a
pair of eyes studying her intently and looked up.
Lum stared down from the air.
"You wouldn't happen to have horns under there would
you?" She asked the Amazon.
---------------------------------
"Hey! It's Liu Kang!" Ken said, spotting him a little
distance away. He nudged Ryu and shouted again. "Hey!
Turkey boy! gobble gobble!"
Ryu, not just a little drunk himself, joined in. "I'm Liu
Kang! The Turkey boy! Gobblegobblegobble!
Liu Kang fumed. "At least my movie didn't suck! At least I
was the lead in my movie! Not just 'hustlers' in the
subplot!"
"Hustling is a _fine_ proffesion," growled Ryu.
"Oh yeah? Oh yeah?" Ken shouted at Liu. "Well at least
the guy who played me didn't have hair like Sheena Easton!"
--------------------------------
"Ranchan!" Ukyo said as she sidled close to her.
"There's sure a lot of that going on," observed Mendo to
Ken, who got away from the argument between Liu and
Ryu.
---------------------------------
Isamu was sitting in his bedroom with Nabiki. Most of the
glue and feathers were washed off and he was dressed in a
casual shirt and jeans.
"You're so _old_!" Nabiki laughed, shifting her weight on
the waterbed. "Need help, grandad?" She said as he sat
beside her.
"Oh, haha. Very funny," Isamu grinned. "I'm only nineteen.
Are you saying Kasumi's old?"
"Actually...." Nabiki started, then laughed. "Seriously
though," Nabiki said, pulling something out of her pocket.
"I got this for you."
----------------------------------------------
Kuno strode purposely into the house, swivelling his head
about. Where is the pigtailed girl? He was pushed aside by
someone in white who strode more purposely than Kuno
did. This infuriated Kuno. He dropped his bouquets and
leveled his bokken at the man.
"You! How dare you push aside Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue
Thunder of Furinkan High!"
Mendo turned slowly around. "Tatchi, long time no see," he
said, a slight smile on his face. "How's the hair?" He added,
unsheathing his sword.
"MENDO! FOUL 3RD GRADE NEMESIS!
DIE!" Kuno said, charging.
------------------------------------------
Mousse swooped into the house looking for Shampoo.
"Shampoooo!" He shouted.
"Why? How many bottles did you use already?" Snorted
Ataru.
"Nice afro!" Shouted someone from the back of the room.
"Nobody told me this was a costume party!"
"DIE MENDO! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE DIE!!!!"
"Cool! Check it out! What an afro!"
Just then, someone near the cd player put on the Sounds of
the Seventies.
"THAT'S! NOT!! FUNNY!!!" Mousse shouted.
----------------------------------------
"Hey baby, why don't the three of us go get some tea?"
Ataru said, inserting himself between Ranma chan and
Ukyo. Ranma-chan shivered and booted him just as Ukyo
slammed Ataru with her spatula. Lum flew up over the
crowd and blasted Ataru, leaving the crispy boy on the
floor.
"You're so perverted!" Lum admonished him angrily.
"Truly he is the most perverted man in the world," Mendo
said as he whizzed by, still fighting Kuno.
"I guess none of these people know you, eh Ranma?"
Akane said sarcastically.
-----------------------------------------
The okonimiyaki monster, now in the form of a cute, brown
puppy, found Shampoo and flung itself at her.
Shampoo was surprised to find a cute little puppy on her
lap. The chocolate brown tail wagged at her cutely.
Ukyo walked by, talking to somebody.
"Shampoo," Ukyo greeted. "What a cute puppy! This is
Ryuunusuke by the way."
Shampoo looked at Ryuunusuke, trying to decide what
Ryuunusuke was. Guy? Girl? Finally, she just decided to
greet Ryuunusuke with "Nihao."
----------------------------------
Nabiki and Isamu waded through the crowd, trying to find a
familiar face. Nabiki pulled Isamu to where she saw
Shampoo, Ukyo and a few other girls doing a typical girl
thing: Boy watching.
"Hey!" Ukyo greeted. "Happy Birthday, pal!" She hugged
Isamu in a friendly way.
Isamu sat down with the crowd of girls, each one greeting
him perfunctorily.
Shampoo walked up to him and plunked the puppy into his
hands. "Happy Birthday!"
"Urrr, thanks," he said uncertainly. The puppy was
disconcertingly familiar, and it smelled like it's been hanging
around Ukyo's place. "Did anybody else notice that this dog
smells like okonomiyaki?"
There was a general murmur of agreement.
The monster was finding it harder and harder to think in
coherent thoughts. All that was left now was loyalty.
"If he smells like okonomiyaki so much name him
Okonomiyaki," Benten suggested.
"Too long," Ran shook her head. "How about Oko?"
Isamu thought about it. "Oko sounds great."
"You're about to watch something that very few guys get to
see," Nabiki said, sitting beside him on the rather crowded
sofa. For the next half hour, Isamu heard what girls actually
said in those little huddles they go into during really big
parties.
"Look at that guy's _chest_! Baby!"
"Forget him! Look over there, by the tv!"
"The dude in the red shirt?"
"Who's that fighting with Mendo?"
"Isn't that Kuno?"
"Have you ever noticed how Kuno's gi shows more
cleavage than what some of us wear?"
"No, no.... one in tiger stripe overalls!"
"Hey! Rei's mine!"
"Oh. My. God. Did you see what he did? Did you see!?"
"How cute! He wink at me!"
"What? What?"
"I don't believe- what a loser!"
"What? What? What'd I miss?"
"Who's the afro in a dress?"
"Look, he's winking at us!"
"I missed it! What'd he do?"
"Do you think he knows?"
Finally, Isamu could not take it no more and excused
himself from them. Boy, and he thought some of his
friends were bad. He looked as a Madrox got the Karaoke
system rigged up.
"MoOn! RiIvveER!" He crooned. The crowd was trying
to boo him off, but to no avail. People started throwing
stuff at him but that only resulted in more Madroxes.
"MoOn! RiIvveER!!" They sang discordantly.
------------------------
"Shampoo!" Mousse shouted, hugging Ataru.
"Fool! I don't have any!" Ataru shouted, slamming
Mousse with a mallet.
"You're not Shampoo!" Mousse shouted as he put on his
glasses. He pulled out two morningstars from his sleeves
and charged.
"HELP!" Ataru shouted, fleeing. Lum saw the situation
and zapped Mousse.
"What would you do without m-" Lum began, but saw that
Ataru was already trying to flirt with another girl. Lum
began chasing him, firing lightning from her fingers.
"Lum! Stop it! STOOOP!" Ataru shouted as he scrambled
out of Lum's shock ray's way.
"If you didn't go girl-hunting, I wouldn't go hunting for
you!" She shouted back, firing one off high. Ataru ducked
and the bolt travelled across the room and hit the original
singing Madrox dead on. The crowd applauded as he
crumpled away from the mike and the duplicates
disappeared.
"Ugh! Thank you!" Ran called, rubbing her ears.
--------------------------
The Brain's martial arts robot charged closer and closer.......
--------------------------
Mendo swung his katana at lightning speed. Kuno ducked
and sliced at Mendo's vulnerable chest. Mendo jumped up
and over him, arcing high overhead. Kuno slammed into
Lum's chest, sending them both crashing to the floor.
"Ahh," Kuno sighed contentedly. "Even while I fight, they
swoon at the great Kuno!"
"You!" Ryoga shouted, whipping out his umbrella. Ryoga
was lost as usual, arriving only moments ago. What are
you doing in China?" He asked a confused Mendo.
--------------------------
Isamu looked around, everywhere he looked there were
people arguing. This is not a good thing.
-------------------------
"Did. Not."
"Did. Too."
"Not."
"Too."
"For the last time," Liu Kang growled, his hands glowing
with ki. "I did not copy you on the headband thing."
"So that's the way you want it, eh?" Ryu said grimly,
gathering energy in his hands.
---------------------------
Lum's stormtroopers charged at Kuno, mallets in hand.
The crowd parted for them.
"UNHAND MISTRESS LUM!"
They swung their mallets down just as Lum pumped Kuno
full of juice. Kuno's flailing limbs tore the mallets from
their hands and sent the objects flying. One of the mallets
hit Ryu in the back, accidentally making him unleash his
fireball. The wild fireball spun out and hit Rei in the foot.
He looked down impassively at his foot.
"LUM-CHAANN!" He cried as he transformed into his
gigantic tiger-cow form.
Another mallet swung towards Shampoo, who was holding
a plate of food. She flipped to avoid it but spilled her food
on Benten.
"Fool! Why don't you be more careful!" She shouted.
"No one calls my ShamURGHK!" Mousse shouted as he got
elbowed into unconciousness, weapons scattering onto
the floor.
"Only person who knock out Mousse is Shampoo," she
growled, producing her bonbori.
"Come and get some of this," Benten said, swing her chain.
--------------------------------------
A full pledged riot broke out. Isamu ducked as various
projectiles ranging from fireballs to one of the
stormtroopers filled the air.
"KatsuUrghk!"
"Ha doOOF!"
"Gobblegobblegobble!"
"Gobble this!"
"No! Not there! NOT THERE! EEEEEK! ouch."
"Baku sai-!"
"Ai yah!"
"Hey! You're a girl!"
"I AM A WOMAN!"
"Foul sword wielding, pompadour wearing, seventies
dressing fiend!"
"Perverted wooden blade wielding, messy haired, dress
wearing bastard!"
"Hey baby you wannaARRGHH!"
"I'm a guy!"
"Not right now you're not!"
"Shut up, Akane!"
"What!?"
"Ranma! Wo ai ni!"
"We're not done yet!"
"Ranchan!"
"Hey, Oyuki! What say you and me go and-"
"MOOO-ROOO-BOOO-SHIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!"
Isamu was almost at the front door when he got picked up
and thrown by Shampoo.
"Take that, stupid chain girl!"
"Is that all you can do?" Benten asked as she batted Isamu
away with her chain.
Isamu landed hard, dazed and confused. He was about to
get up when he was stomped on by a large tiger striped
creature.
"LUM CHAAANNN!" Rei shouted, trying to find Lum.
There seemed to be a lump on the floor, he thought. He
looked down to see Isamu feebly trying to free himself. Rei
shrugged and moved on.
Ranma chan had the Stormtroopers in one form of lock or
the other on the floor.
"Why are we fighting again?"
"YOU HIT MISTRESS LUM!" They shouted
simultaneously.
"It was an accident! I don't even know this Lum chick!"
Ranma chan retorted.
"HELP!" Lum shouted as Rei closed in.
"LUM-CHAN!"
"Rei darling!" Ran said, stepping in front of him.
"Forget Rei!" Ataru shouted, grabbing Ran from the back.
"Get away from me, Moroboshi!" She shouted, tossing
Ataru away. Ataru landed on Rei's head, knocking them
both for a loop.
Ukyo swung her spatula at Ryunusuke with the intent of
turning the other girl flat as an okonomiyaki.
Unfortunately, Isamu was crawling near them and he got hit
instead. He sailed high above the ruckus. An errant
projectile caught him, totally ruining his trajectory. He
landed in an area where a group of people had ganged up on
another group of people and subsequently got trampled.
Ryoga tried to stomp on Ranma-chan's head, but she
quickly bolted and he hit Megane instead. Immediately he
was grabbed by the remaining stormtroopers. Ryoga freed
himself easily and was about to stalk Ranma again when his
ankle was grabbed. Ryoga instinctively kicked backwards,
sending Isamu sprawling. Isamu finally reached the door
and crawled outside. Nabiki sat there staring through one
of the newly made windows in his wall. Upon closer
examination he realized that she had a camera in hand and
was taking pictures.
Isamu tried to stand, most of his joints popping loudly.
"You had a camera?"
"Never leave home without it," she smiled.
Isamu winced as a loud crash and an electric explosion
ripped through the house. Nabiki took a quick peek
through the wall.
"No more tv," she informed him.
"Damn."
A loud crash and a high pitched note pierced the night.
"Bye bye, sound system."
"Damn damn." Isamu sighed heavily and led Nabiki to the
soft chairs situated a bit farther from the house. They
watched the general melee as it was outlined by the lights
from the house. The lights blew out as the house's
electrical system finally gave up. They heard a general
murmur of blind violence, but above all else they heard a
high pitched whine.
"I'M SCARED! I'M FRIGHTENED! I'M SCARED OF
THE DARK!"
"Fun birthday party, no?" She asked him.
"Oh yeah," he said laughing. "Best I've had in years.
Almost as much fun as the one I had to spend in the
hospital."
They sat close together, not saying anything for the
moment. Finally Isamu broke the silence.
"You know," he mused. "If this whole week was a story,
this would be a really lousy ending."
"If this whole week was a story, no one would read it," she
replied. "It's too... too unfocused."
Isamu thought for a moment. "I guess you're right," he
admitted. "Silly thought. Besides, no one'll believe this
stuff about magic springs and junk."
"Maybe on tv," Nabiki said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.
"Or in comic books."
The house was quieting down, just the occasional yelp of
pain as the truly determined continued to fight. A figure
darted past Nabiki and Isamu, startling both of them.
Gleaming of metal, it knocked down the door and charged
in. From inside, a deep voice was heard.
"I have come to defeat you all, so I can take over.... THE
WORLD!"
Nabiki and Isamu cocked their ears to hear the response.
At first, there was silence. Then, they heard a noise, as if of
many varied, pain inducing weapons were drawn. The
house, once dark, was awash with the battle aura of many
warriors. Then, the voice was heard again, sounding much
meeker.
"One at a time? Please?"
"GET HIM!!!!"
The sounds of terrible violence once again filled the air.
There was a pause, as if of the calm before the storm, or
more accurately, it sounded as if someone's drink was
spilled.
"MY NEW KIMONO! OK, THAT'S IT! NOW I'M
PISSED OFF!"
"OYUKI! NO!"
"Did Oyuki say that? She_never_says that."
"LUM-CHAN!"
A sudden chill froze the air around them then, an explosion
rocked the house, heard for miles beyond.
-------------------------------------------
Isamu stared at the pile of rubble that used to be his house.
Immediately after it's destruction, everybody slinked off,
not wanting to take the blame. Nabiki stood beside her
boyfriend, shoving a piece of rubble around with her toe.
A taxi pulled up. It disgorged a pair of white people,
probably American, Nabiki guessed.
"Do any of you speak English?" The woman asked.
"I do," Isamu answered, sitting in the rubble.
"Thank god," she said. She motioned her partner who,
strangely enough was wearing gloves, to come closer.
"What happened here?" Mulder asked, surveying the scene.
"Does it involve shape changing beings?" He watched as
a strange-smelling dog sniffed his leg and peed on it.
Isamu looked at him for a long moment, then smiled. "Nah,
shape changing beings? Haven't heard of any of them here.
You just missed one hell of a party."
==========================================
==This is not THE END. This is not even==
==THE BEGINNING of THE END. But,==========
==perhaps, this is THE END...=============
==of THE BEGINNING========================
==========================================
Author's Endnotes
I was trying to beat my old record of writing one part in
three months, that's why it took this part so long to get
out. No, just kidding. Actually, it was just a major case
of the Slums (not to be confused with the squirts)=(
I started writing this out of a major case of boredom. But
finding out I can actually put something remotely resembling
a story was a bit of a surprise to me. I do have other projects
in the works, although all of them are still in the CONCEPT
stage. Still, it was nice while it lasted =)
Send all flames & comments to: st2a0@jetson.uh.edu
------------
Editor's snide comments:
In case those last lines are making you unsure,
YES, THIS IS THE END!
However, if there's demand, Nigel'll do a few new ones
with 'ol Isamu in it.
-------------------------------------------------
COMING SOON FROM -M- Productions!
Well, we seem to be in a crossover addiction lately.
By _coincidence_, Nigel decided to work on a crossover
of somewhat big proportions while I've got one cooking
as well.
current ongoing projects:
*Gumbo High* -Nigel M.
-Tobobiki lies in ruins and Nuku-Nuku just trashed her school
in a massive fight. WHERE will all these students be transfered
to? Well, Furinkan is still structurally sound...
*The Pursuit of Happiness* -Rod M.
Sequel to "The More Things Change"
-Tsubasa falls in love (again!), Ranma and Akane get kicked out!
An ancient curse runs it's course! Ryoga _tries_ to resolve his
relationship problems! Ukyo meets an old friend she had a crush
on! Ryo perfects the Bakusai-ten-satsu! And Happy's got this
itch...
*The Surreal World* -Nigel M.
-Take seven people, picked at _random_, really, put them all under
one roof, and film their lives. A Japan TV station rips off the
MTV "Real World" concept, but ends up picking Ranma Saotome, Ataru
Moroboshi, Kyosuke Kasuga, Mamoru Chiba, Nuku-Nuku Natsume, Washu,
and Urd as housemates....